Page update, thoughts

What's up, everybody. Just wanted to switch it up a little and say a few things and give a page update.

First off, thanks to the people who are interested in the things I post and say. I know at times this thing we call steemit is just a business so to stop and actually say something meaningful is pretty cool and admirable.

Secondly, I hope everyone knows that I post about different things and put on different "hats" based on what I'm writing at that time. My last story, for example, had part of the plot cover a pretty serious subject and, using that example, I leave it up to the readers to know that a subject I write about in a story doesn't necessarily mean that it relates to me at the time or expresses how I'm feeling.

At the same time, I find steemit and whaleshares to be a therapeutic place as I can share poems. Nobody wants to read a poem in real life unless you've enrolled in a college creative writing course or go to a coffee shop in the city on a Wednesday at 7.

I like to "get the sad out of me", so when I write something sad, I wouldn't assume it's always a bad thing. As well, I'm not really a "sharer". I don't like to open up a lot in personal conversations, so if I do open up on a post consider it a positive. Is there any way to say that without seeming like a guy that thinks he's above others? I'm not sure that there is. I like to try to move forward and want to be positive basically.

Another thing...I love baseball. It's obvious by my bio and some of the posts I've shared here. I played it all throughout my youth and it taught me a lot about myself. I admit freely that it's kind of silly, though. Being attached to a kid's game like a stereotypical guy. I don't want to be generic. But...I love baseball. I try not to talk about it with others who aren't sports fans - I'm perceptive enough to not force it on people. However, this being my page, I will write about baseball and if it annoys you, I apologize.

Furthermore, I recently applied to work for CBS' sports department as a fantasy editor working on baseball and football. Severely less qualified, I took a leap. I do have a good resume, but it's not exactly writing/editing or baseball related. Just being realistic here, but I'm certain there's someone out there with a better resume for the job (but maybe not the heart).

This has however made me consider employment in this sector. I believe if I want it, there's opportunity. It could be something I can take pride in and have a purpose in. Sometimes I beat myself up for not being something hugely world-altering like a doctor. I feel I can find a way to have a purpose, though. Purpose is everywhere I guess?

So, you will be seeing more baseball posts on my page as I want to harness my writing and get better however I can. Whether a company hires me or I start my own website or business somehow, I need to continue to practice and I said from the start that baseball is a big part of my life so it should have been expected that I'd be writing about it.

No, I don't want to just be a guy who works for MLB as some intern who doinks bobble-heads all day, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about reporting. Delivering news. Getting a feel for public opinion. Possibly entertainment and education. Yes, I can pursue all of this in baseball. Better yet, these are skills I can take elsewhere with me whether I go deeper into the field, or make a huge leap towards trying to work for a major league organization, or even make a complete 360 later on and work in something like finance.

Because of this, I'll be dead honest with you. I want to make money. I don't want to be rich (but of course if it happens, it happens). I want to be paid for my work as a writer. Poems, prose, articles - anything like that. I know steemit isn't the most fruitful tree in that regard when you're a minnow, though, (and whaleshares). They aren't particularly set up to be used as a source of profit. I know it takes work and time and I understand that and I am cool with that.

But...I still want to get paid for my efforts. So I added a "tip jar" to my two most recent posts and will be adding that to future posts that I feel are art pieces, contest entries, stories, poems, etc...things that I put my time and effort into. All it is is a PayPal account. You can send money directly without any kind of fee. So whether it's $1 dollar or $5 or $25, I am so very grateful for it. You don't know how much it helps me out. If someone out there is a serious fan, maybe we can even do a subscription type thing where if you pay a certain amount I will even write more pieces and only you will have access to it. But I don't want to assume I'm popular enough for that or get ahead of what I'm trying to say. Basically, leave a tip if you want. I'm a writer just busking.

And this is why I said earlier that I put on different "hats". While I want to make money off of tips, please don't assume that I'm just puppeteering out here. Kind of like musicians ...they love to make music, but also need to make money - so there's a line to walk in which you need to stay level-headed and both perform but also succeed (without completely selling out). That's where I want to be - the middle.

So you will see sports posts here on my page in which I'm working to perfect my craft as a sports writer. And there's, as stated, a hope to passively receive a tip here and there and eventually work my way up to writing for a company and have a career. You will likely see me being very professional in these posts because, well, that's what I'm working towards. I just don't want that to offend people, I guess.

On the other hand, I'll definitely be whipping out poems and stories still and keeping it original and real and authentic. But, please understand that I still hope to receive a tip here and there. Is that okay? I feel like it should be. I'm not trying to swindle anyone by any means.

Furthermore, when I write, I work towards perfecting a story or poem. I know my stuff sometimes has an uppity vibe to it and I hate it. But it's also at times what that specific writing needs and you don't understand how deep I dig to get there. I've always been a perfectionist in performance type things. Baseball, writing, working (and yet at the same time the dishes are piled up in the sink at my home).

So when you read my stuff and it sounds fancy and punctuation is solid and it's excessively poetic, understand that it's art and something I'm releasing from myself. I then like to take a break from it all and be normal, be average. I grew up poor for the first 10 years of my life but I've always had this weight on me from others telling me I'm gifted and it's hard.

All I'm saying is there's also going to be times when I just post random stuff on the fly as if we're buddies texting each other. Essentially, I don't want to be judged for when I'm trying to be perfect, but I also don't want to be judged for when I'm low. Whether it be I'm low emotionally or I'm just so bored that I'm posting something and the punctuation isn't good.

That's really all I had to say. I know it was a ton to read. It was a ton to write.

And now it's time for the completely unrelated...I have OCD. I don't completely understand it, but it runs in my family. I'd imagine it's pretty common, just in different forms. What my problem is is that I split words into sets of threes. I read a sentence and the word has to end as a set of three letters. For example, take this pair of words from the song..."Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel...s-o-l/s-b-u/r-y-h/i-l-l. It ends on a three so I'm at ease. If it doesn't, I have to add lyrics the lyrics that follow one by one until it does end on a set of three. I don't know why I told you this 🙈

Lastly, most people don't know this but I have health issues that are really impacting my life. I'll be seeing a neurologist next month. This is what has led me to writing. I've had a few problems for years. I've only just recently started feeling my toes. I get nosebleeds. I'm on nerve pain medication and it helps. I'm not saying this so you can boo hoo and want you to feel sorry for me. Just want you to see where I'm coming from.

So in sum, I just want to be me and I will post various things and I hope good things come. For me and for you. If you want to judge, it is fine. I'll still comment from time to time and try to be myself and help when I can. But like I said, I'm a bad perfectionist and some times it gets the best of me.

Peace

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