Giving all the answers when you don't have any
When kids are young, life's easy: give them all your love, some decent food and the occasional nappy change and everything's fine. But children have this annoying habit of growing up and demanding more of you. It's no longer toys they need, but advice, some sort of guidance, on the assumption that you the all-knowing adult must have meaningful insight on the many issues they're faced with as they spread their wings to fly out in the world.
It's not about telling children what to do or set strict rules, as I am not into that. This is simply about advice or opinions your children will seek of you, whether it concerns them or friends of theirs. It is a hard time for parents, as at some point they will be forced to admit they are just as clueless as their confused teenagers – which is the right thing to do, as there are many adults out there who are in complete denial and would never admit to not having a clue.
Many adults end up choosing to ignore the struggles of their younger selves, their mistakes, taking the wrong path, screwing up things. Even worse, refusing to acknowledge their own mistakes they never bother to look back and try to understand what made them do a certain thing. There is a strong resistance to accepting you are not perfect and you might have made mistakes, as that would ruin your whole self-image. The problem is that, if you don't make any effort to understand yourself and the decisions you've made in your life you don't stand a chance to understand what your children are going through, not to mention helping them with some word of advice. With a teenage daughter and a son on the verge of tweendom, I have been forced to to a lot of thinking lately. Usually at 4 in the morning. And sometimes I realize that I just don't have the answer to a particular issue. All I have are my personal experiences, good or bad – but these are strictly mine, they do not apply universally.
One of the things I hate most is parents who are unable to make this distinction between personal and universal and try to impose on they're children their own flawed perceptions on life. Like a woman who ends up realizing her married life has not been happy at all and instills in her own daughters the idea that men are to be avoided – failing to see this concept is based on just one experience, her own. I know many young people would simply ignore such advice, but the endless drilling of such notions into their heads is enough to seed doubts and fears. All it takes is just one bad break-up for the fears that had been lurking under the surface to raise their ugly heads. 'Mom was right, after all.' Have them fly back to the safety of their nest, even though it is filled with bitterness and deceptions.
As I was thinking about this at the ungodly hour mentioned before, I came to the conclusion that children are better off when their parents have the decency to admit they don't have the answer to a particular question. And make it very clear they will be there to support their children no matter what they decide and, no, they won't be disappointed with that decision.
Thanks for reading
As a non parent I have nothing to offer...
...Do all your children have two wings, or am I missing something?
(I don't know anything about these children things - is that how they all look? lol)
No... that's an attempt to use at least some of the many pictures I've been taking lately - it's becoming an obsession... And trying to be poetic - you've gotta give me some credit for that :))
I give you more credit for having little people !
😂
Being one of the little people in question, I resent that @lucylin :P
Even more kudos to yer mum then , if I knew you were the little person!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
You're mean, you wingless person :p
I'm jealous - I want wiiiings!
I don't take credit for that. I'm lucky to have them :) (even the too-smart-for-her-own-good one commenting above).
😂😂
Even if you are a non parent you can still tell considering the way your parents where with you when you were still young
While I agree with what you're saying, partly, what in the name of greek buggery is a non-parent?
I've never met anyone who identifies as a non-parent. I have, however, met several people who didn't have kids. :P
I understand what you are saying. i was just trying to use his word
Greek buggery????????/
😂😂😂
...I also call them 'little people' , more a than children...or birds...or something..
Oops very politically incorrect, I'm afraid. See, you could at least try "winged little people", you know, be poetic.
that is very true.
its not all about setting strict rules like our African parents will do.
Postingan yang sangat indah.dan pemandangannya yang cukup bagus
As a fresh parent for the first time in my life, I agree with you.
There will always be struggles, I will not always have an answer, but I will do the best to guide my son in his life.
I see a lot of "planned life" in my environment, where I have seen some freaking out if something went "wrong" and they shouldn't.
Just a reminder that parenting is not like a Hollywood movie... challenges are waiting and Hollywood is fake.