RE: Disciplining Children -- Questioning the Norm!
My sisters and I were raised with yelling, physical beatings, groundings, and even written punishments serving as "the way to keep us in line." As a child, I was scared of my own parents. They were unpredictable to me. I don't think that it contributed much to who I am today, except that it provided me with a long list of things that I knew I WOULDN'T do to my own children. Once I was blessed with children of my own, I took a way more peaceful approach to raising them. They've had a lot of freedom, no spankings, not even groundings. I've tried to model desirable behavior and willpower, but I've never been convinced that it's enough in and of itself. So I also taught them good manners, how to talk to people, and pretty much everything that I've learned about being human (and not an animal). I also chose to homeschool, but this comment is already too long. Sorry! :) Thanks for opening this discussion. It's such an important topic, and it can be so hard to find the right path. I hope that speaking honestly and without rancor can truly help.
One thing that volatile parents can teach us, is how we DON'T want to be! Good for you for seeing through it all and choosing another way.
Many children are afraid of their parents, which also then leads to lying, sneaking and covert behaviors, or dumbed down, passive, doormat victimhood. These things affect us more than we even know--sometimes it takes us way past our parenting years to discover the damage.
I used to believe in good manners, and appropriate behavior, but have since realized that if children are treated with true love and respect, that will be their natural inclination. There will be no pretend niceness, just genuine, natural true gratitude.
There is so much to talk about in the realms of parenting. Thank you for your lengthy reply @jenncapestany. I unschooled my children -- which is, in some ways, a topic for another series of posts -- though truly it is all the same stuff.
I truly appreciate your input and comment on this post. I will be following up with more posts and would be grateful to have you join in the discussion.
Happily! For those of us seeking peaceful parenting and seeing our children grow up as bright, independent flames, discussions like these are key. You're brave to take it on. I'll keep an eye out for future posts!
I believe there is nothing more important to do than to question and implement change. For without it, we will have nothing. The life most have chosen is not sustainable and the children will bear the brunt of our irresponsibility. Discussions like these are truly important. I am so grateful for the interaction here. Thank you for being a part of it.