Finally said no!
I'm a bit pathetic when it comes to sticking up for myself, speaking my own opinion etc, etc. Another word for it is that I'm not assertive enough.
Today I got in touch with my well child nurse and let her know that we wouldn't be returning. I politely asked her to remove us from her books and that we were doing fine. If we have any concerns we would seek advice from our family doctor.
This is something I've been putting off for a while. I've been too nervous to do it. I've been worried about it. Enough is enough and I finally worked up the courage and made the call.
It feels good. I'm pleased that I've made this decision and won't be going back. My last appointment was a couple of months ago and I left there feeling like I was doing it all wrong. I left there with doubts about my approach to raising my daughter.
You know what. I'm a good Mum. My daughter is a very happy girl. She's thriving in her environment and she's healthy, loved and she's our number one priority. I have no doubt that my parenting skills are exactly what she needs. Seeing how she's developed in the last 11 months confirms that for me.
I met up with some other mums last week. One Mum in particular has been having a bit of a rough time with the same well child nurse. She's putting doubts into this mums head making her second guess what she's doing and how her parenting skills are going. On top of that, the nurse is also causing stress by telling this Mum that her baby isn't growing "as fast as she should be compared with the growth chart". The nurse made this Mum go to a specialist to get her daughter checked out. You know what, she's fine. The specialist has no concerns. All that this well child nurse did by being so strict and following everything she does by the book is causing stress and anxiety in new mums. It's wrong.
I told the Mum who is having a rough time with it that she doesn't have to go back. It's not compulsory. For some reason I thought that we had to go to these appointments. It wasn't until I wrote an article on my blog after my last bad appointment that I had it pointed out to me that it's not something that we have to do.
I hope she takes the advice and doesn't return either. I think being a parent is hard enough. We don't need the professionals who are supposed to help us causing us more concerns.
We both have beautiful girls who are growing and developing differently. Her wee girl can do things that my girl can't yet do and vice versa. You know what? Her mum and I are quite different too. No one has said that we need to get checked out because we are different. She's really good at dancing, I'm really good at baking. I can't dance to save myself. She couldn't bake a cake if her life depended on it.
Why do they try to put all babies into a box and expect that they'll all do the same things at the same time? They're not clones. They have different skills and have been exposed to different things in their short lives. Of course they're going to develop at different times.
It would be nice to think that the well child nurse will learn to think out of the box. If a child isn't saying words when her book said that they should be, maybe she doesn't need to stress the Mum out about it. Maybe it will happen soon, maybe not. I'm sure that the majority of children eventually all learn to crawl, walk, run, eat, speak. They don't need a chart to follow. It will happen when they're ready.
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Those well child nurses can be such a blessing or such a pain. We got really lucky and had one that was very like-minded to us, but on a day she wasn't available and we had a very bad encounter with another one. I was upset for days afterwards and it was only after my mum gave me a piece of her mind, and practically told me to snap out of it, that I was able to see that while what we do is considered different and odd by some, we are in no ways harming our child. Today, one year later, we have a child, whom on many fronts is 'ahead' and is absolutely happy and thriving.
Thanks so much for the comments. I know exactly what you mean. I had 1 good appointment and that was when my regular nurse was sick. The fill in nurse was fantastic. If she could have been my nurse from the beginning it would have been a very different experience for us.
I do things differently than what they promote and so I guess I was an easy target for them to prove their methods are better. Like you, after my bad appointment I was upset for days too and was questioning my approach. I did get over it but it can be upsetting.
I'm glad to hear your child is doing so well too. Thanks for replying.
My children are all grown up now but when my children were younger , especially with my first child, I always worried I might not be doing things right. Being a mother is the greatest gift of all and we should always trust our instincts, after all no one knows their child better than a mother. Great post !
That's so true. I have told myself so many times that I spend 24 hours a day with my daughter. The nurse was seeing her 20 minutes every few weeks. I'm sure I know what my daughter needs more than they do.
Thanks for commenting. It is hard being a first time mum, but by far the best thing I've ever done.
It's the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding, cherish every moment. I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job 😊
I've neber heard of that! But I am in the US... haha. But really sometimes there is such a thing as "too much help". It is hard telling someone you no longer want to use their services. I get that. Good for you for following through!
I know, I was very nervous to tell her that we wouldn't be going back. But it's what is best for us and I'm glad I got it done. Thanks for commenting, it's nice having support from all over the globe!!
Very good for you! I think this nurse clearly had no idea what she was doing because a basic advice for a new mother is normally given is not to compare her child with other children. The same goes for charts. They usually show a median line, some kids are below, some are above, but they're all OK.
Thanks very much, I agree - we shouldn't be comparing children with others. I hope that the nurse realises what impact her words have on new mums. I would have said something to her at the time, but as I mentioned I'm a bit pathetic when it comes to that kind of thing! At least she knows we won't be back and we're moving on.
Thanks for commenting.
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Saying no is one of the hardest words to say when you are in the middle of self doubt situations.
It takes a brave person to say I Am A Good Mom (or Dad)!! Well done.
Thanks very much. That would be great. Just to be transparent all these pictures for this post are from www.pixabay.com so not sure if that's an issue. Thanks for the nomination! It's very exciting 😊
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Ahhhh, thanks for the tip! I've usually just put it at a reference at the end of my post but like how that looks. I've updated the post now. Thanks for that!
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People are always comparing their kids to others. I agree with you that they are all different and develop differently. My son was not up to the "standards" for speech when he turned 2. We took him to a local Tyke Talks and they said he was doing okay. He wasn't speaking at the standard but had great comprehension of language. They said that some children lack confidence especially if they are being exposed to more than one language. Sure enough out child was being exposed to French and English. When he did start talking he caught up to the standard rather quickly.
Our Doctor stated that all kids learn to walk, talk and use the toilet. There aren't any that don't, so don't worry yourself about it. That was the greatest advice that we had received.
You should check out @steemparents community on Steemit. This would have been a great post to tag with #steemparents or #steemmom
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Thanks so much for the comments, it's so true. Everyone does learn to walk, talk and use the toilet. I'm pretty sure in a few years no one is even going to care when their baby first did X, Y or Z....by then the focus will be on something entirely different.
I'll check out your blog, thanks very much.
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STOPFirst CHN I went to was great. Second one I opted out after a couple of visits for the same reason. Though with the second one by that stage I was on my third child and was reasonably certain I had some idea what I was doing I thought XD
Good on you for being assertive, you're going to need to be a lot of that especially if you keep going down that dangerous weirdo hippie rabbit hole of homeschooling as well ;D