Your kids will look like you
Im challenged by this thought of how am I "intentionally" leading my children. Like anything in life, if you set some end goals out in front of you and create a gameplan on how you are going to hit them you are much more likely to hit the mark.
So, what is it that you want for your kids? When your kids leave the house at 18 whats the determinant of if you won as a parent or not?
At the end of the day you can present them with information, education and opportunities in which each kids will respond to and will impact the trajectory of their life. And you absolutely do your best...its hard! But will these things we present to our kids really be the determinant of us raising kids successfully?
As Ive gotten into my 30's, increasing my understanding of who I am, Im shocked at how similar I am to my Dad. Im not talking about personality or vernacular...but how I think, my desire to innovate, my desire to create, my tendency to introspection to a fault...where did I get these? Is it all DNA?
I think the values that we live out of as individual parents are impossible not to translate into our kids. Sure you can do it "intentionally" and increase maybe the percentage of translation. Our kids are apart of our entire lives, when we are aware of it and when we are not. They take in our expressions, demeanor, interactions with others and that frames how they then take on their own challenges, social encounters and decision making process...
If you want to be a successful parent...I think you have to look at yourself. Are you something you want your kid to grow up into? If not why? I'd guess its not because of your vocation or how much money you have. Rather the way you treat people, the way you interact with your spouse or even ex-spouse, the way you talk about your job...
your kids are taking in everything - be something you want them to turn into
Thank you for the thoughtful post! As an expecting father with my little girl due in December, this is something I have thought about often recently. How can I prepare my daughter and any future children to be the most successful they can be? How do I make sure I point them in the right direction? I think these are questions every caring parent struggles with but like you said, our children pick up on our idiosyncrasies on their own and as long as we are good people and try our best to reflect someone we would want them to grow up to be and emulate that's the best we can do. Are we going to make mistakes? Of course, but I think it's important to show our children not only how to behave when successful but also in failure.
Having said that, you would be surprised how much DNA and epigenetics seem to effect who you are also. I've read accounts of twins separated at birth, raised in different families, and reunited after 40+ years only to find they share the same career, hobbies, favorite foods, etc. Crazy!
Im sure your gonna be a rocking dad! thanks for reading
I think about that frequently, especially when I'm less than I'd like to be in front of them. My little man is not biologically my own, and my sister likes to say, "He couldn't be more like you if you birthed him". He is such a mini me, and it is not DNA. Every day I'm striving to improve myself as a human and how I treat others, because I know they are watching and listening to every move I make, even when I don't think they are.
I got four and can't count the times they have used words that I have used in moments of regret...being aware of it is the key to helping more intentionally train them up! Im sure your an awesome parent thanks for reading
Thanks so much for the compliment! Looking forward to seeing more work from you!
I think about that frequently, especially when I'm less than I'd like to be in front of them. My little man is not biologically my own, and my sister likes to say, "He couldn't be more like you if you birthed him". He is such a mini me, and it is not DNA. Every day I'm striving to improve myself as a human and how I treat others, because I know they are watching and listening to every move I make, even when I don't think they are.