bitterness - a poem
that thing inside you
it is not love
because as I flourish
you have only bitterness
to share
-*-
Happy Monday folks!
We're heading into my birthday soon and things have just kept being amazing around these parts. I registered for my classes no problem and tomorrow I head down to get my student id which is super exciting! Tuition comes with a gym membership so I'm going to pick that up too.
Needless to say, I'm super excited about all the prep work for school and good things going on around here. We had a power outage yesterday after a super brief but powerful storm. It was gorgeous! But then without electricity we had to go in search of some breakfast.
My partner and I ended up taking the bus downtown to hang out at a community college where I got coffee and a breakfast sandwich. It was a fun little morning adventure.
So this morning, I'm sharing a poem I wrote back in January or February. I was about a month or two into my brain rehabilitation for the second time (I didn't finish the first one lol) and it was having some amazing effects. I still need to do a more complete post on the program, but I'm working up to it. It's pretty personal. Anyways, things had been pretty difficult for me for a long time and when shifts starting happening in a more positive direction I noticed something really strange with the folks I had been hanging out with.
When I would mention something good happening, they would kinda dump on it. Even if they were in a more secure position than me financially, it was like any little progress I had there was a reason for them to be negative or explain why something wouldn't work for them. It was pretty strange and I started to realize that it was a pattern. The more things were improving, the more unstable our relationships became.
It's a weird thing to realize when you've been spending a lot of time with folks that they are only supportive of you if you stay at the same place you were when you met them. I'm still not really sure what the deal was. Was it more comfortable for them for me to stay the same? Were they unable to be happy for me without making it about them?
Whatever it was, I realized that I needed to move on. I have worked so hard to regain my health and happiness and there is nothing for me in relationship that doesn't support that. Needless to say, I've enjoyed taking back my time and continuing to put time and effort into improving things.
As strange as it is, there are truly people close to you who do not want to see you succeed. There's lots of reasons for it, but none of that is your issue. Let them go and move on. You (and they!) will be a lot happier for it. There's so many wonderful people in the world and we're changing every day. You want to be around people who lift you up and challenge you in the best of ways.
I wanted to do a quick shout out to the new Creative Coin Crypto that's happening! You can learn more at this post and by checking out the creativecoin account. I also recently delegated to theluvbug because I have been really enjoying being a part of Powerhouse Creatives. Fun times!
xo
Ciel
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It is unfortunately very true that some people delight in putting others down. For some reason it gives them a sense of superiority.
Drug addicts typically take drugs not to feel better, but to feel less bad. I think it is the same for these people; they put other people down to feel less shitty about themselves. I agree with you, the right course of action is to let them be miserable and focus on people who can be positive with you. Day to day is hard enough as it is!
I think you hit the nail on the head there! Often people seem to be doing it to feel better about themselves, but I'm not sure it's a good solution for that lol. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Yes, some people are not comfortable with changes in social standing, and they will try to keep the status quo as it was established in their heads. If you were doing "better" than you had been when you met them, it will create anxiety in the dynamic of 'friendship' in their heads. I've been there, too. Like you say, it is better to let them go because that kind of people are not really ready to transform the bonds that we may offer to them into a genuine bonds.
I am glad to hear that things are going very well for you now, though! Picking up your student ID sounds exciting and it's great that it comes with gym membership too :D :D :D
Yes, I agree. There's a level of discomfort they develop that is better for us to not engage in. Not every bond can be transformed into a genuine one so we can cherish the ones that will.
Yes I am so excited!!! It's a dream come true to go to art school! You will see such an improvement in my art for sure.
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I believe some people like to keep others down because of their own insecurity. They feel better when they think they are better than you. When you start encroaching on success, that scares them because then they need to move forward too. It is easier to say something negative to you than to do the work necessary for them to move themselves ahead.
It's true that it can be easier to focus on the negative rather than push yourself to improve. Which is a shame because you can only gain by pushing yourself forward. You'll waste time by focusing too much on what other people are doing.
Isn't that the truth! Unfortunately, many have still not figured that out yet.