The Pain of Overthinking

This is something I'm feeling a lot today: "the pain of overthinking."

Here's my situation: I've wanted to teach English abroad for a while. I haven't had the opportunity to travel as much as I would have liked--perhaps because I come from a lower-income family (by American standards), though I don't intend to make excuses--and I know that working abroad as a teacher can make it much easier to afford the luxury. Besides that, becoming a teacher of English as a second language has a good chance of helping me achieve a dream of living in Italy. So, after realizing how much I dislike my current job, I decided to sign up to take a CELTA course in Mexico City.

Still, no matter how long I've considered it--years thinking about the prospect, and months researching this particular course--I'm now feeling a tremendous sense of buyer's remorse. More than anything, I guess, I'm frightened of the cost. With tuition costs, living expenses, and travel prices all tolled, this will take a substantial chunk out of my savings. With that in mind, it's a scary to think I'm leaving a job on such an impulse.

I'm scared so often, and it's hard to rise above it. I think about my age (28 years), and about how teaching English abroad is typically only a break-even proposition. These come in conjunction because I look at my father, and know he has little hope of retiring, and think about the chance that the same might happen to me. People tell me I'm too young to worry about these things, and they're probably right: it's just that I worry all the time, and I can't seem to make myself stop. I feel like a pot on the stove constantly boiling over. Not good for my health, and no way to live. Especially when it keeps me from moving in the direction of all that I dream of accomplishing.

I know it's high time that I shift my thoughts from scarcity to abundance, and I'm willing to do what I can to make that happen. I just wish I knew how to do it. But, I know why I'll do it: because I want to live a good life, and I won't live that life until I stop overthinking.