Steemit Open Mic Week 86 - "Drive By" (Glen Phillips Cover)

I was talking to @gibber and told him I should do my favorite praise song for Open Mic.
Like all good religious music, this one comes with an adult content warning.
It's called "Drive By," and it was written by Glen Phillips.

^{Someday my terminal consonants will be ok. But not today.}

Lyrics:

I was the driver for the drive-by of the neighbor's dog
Dad had always hated him and he said, "Come on, son
Get into the Vega now and I'll go get my shotgun"

It was a military holiday and kids were everywhere
I hid behind the steering wheel and tried to disappear
I tried to speak but couldn't, Dad was whistling and drinking beer

And I prayed, "Dear God, if you save this dog
I will never get high, I will never jack off
I will do all the things that I should but have not
I'll be a good boy from now on"

We turned around the corner soon and saw the neighbor's yard
Dad lit up a cigarette and rolled his window down
And grinning like an idiot he stuck his head and body out

And I prayed, "Dear God, if you save this dog
I will never get high, I will never jack off
I will do all the things that I should but have not
I'll be a good boy from now on"

Well, he popped in a shell, took aim with the gun
Then a flash and a bang and the dog it was gone
He jumped up and he ran away
Dad had shot right through his chain

Dad said, "Take me to the Dairy Freeze, I want to have a shake"
We sipped them on the benches there and stared out on the lake
And Dad has never said another word about that day

And I hope you're not disappointed, God
Cause I still get high and I still jack off
And you knew I was lying, but you still saved that dog
You're such a good God
Such a good, good God
I say "hallelujah!"
I'll be a good boy from now on.

I like this song not only because it's hilarious but because it's theologically sound. The protagonist's god isn't one of transactions and bargaining, even though he treats it that way. It's a forgiving god who not only saves the dog because it's the right thing to do but also forgives the protagonist for bargaining in bad faith. That's a god I can cope with.

You may know Glen Phillips as the lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket but he's also a great, and supremely nerdy, songwriter as a solo artist.