Dear Diary: Now Even Upon Lying Down Doesn't Give Me Comfort

I am scared of what is happening to my body as changes for the worst is beginning to unravel before my eyes and I am feeling itt inching closer and closer until my final capitulation. I just wished not to die before I get into achieving some of my goals but a big part of me just wants to give up this life and call it all off once and for all.

Because I have to really admit and accept and it is obvious that living in my condition and situation in life is not a way that somebody must do because of the total misery of it all. Socially I cannot do what most people can do and the online world is different than meeting people face to face although in the online world I have met and felt the love of other people that I do not even know personally and i do am grateful and thankful for that.

But my point is that my body is deteriorating and I am developing pains in my body like this shoulder pain for example because of my awkward position when I am blogging and also caused by my back which is morphing into something that makes it hurt and also makes me get a hard time breathing normally.

I developed this breathing problem first after the marked collapsed of my backbone. At first it was like somebody is hugging me tightly until it got worse in that effect with all the added stiffness of the joints makes my life really not an ideal way to live it. So if I were be just somebody's dog I was already put down to ease my suffering.

I am already suffering long enough and I do not know why I am still alive and kicking considering that I am absolutely stressed all the time. I am still not giving up though because of many reasons and I still wanted to hold on until I could make use of my life in a more meaningful way.