It's hard, I can accept in my mind that "Everything that is born someday will have to die", but in my heart there is always the desire that those I love do not want to die too soon.

Certainly before each death I will react differently, nor am I sure that it will affect me so much or how badly I will remain in that mourning, but while I was alive I tried to accept this idea as best I could, in the end his death it hurt and it came to me at a time when I am not in my best form, but I also have to thank him that he endured and did not leave when I was in depression, that would have been worse, so a part of me wants to hold on to the illusory idea that he struggled to survive because I needed him.