A recent study conducted by me pulling statistics out of my ass found that most people love sex. An equal percentage of the population loves money. It would stand to reason that getting paid to have sex would be everyone’s dream job. They say if you do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life. You can put that one to the test by asking a nerd how much he loves working on other people’s computers. You can imagine my surprise when I learned that after the cameras were off and the lube had dried, doing porn isn’t very glamorous.

A disproportionately large percentage of porn stars have a history of childhood molestation and adulthood drug abuse. When I get off work I’m dying for a drink and I’ve only been metaphorically getting fucked in the ass all day. If you get hit in the face with dicks all day I wouldn’t judge you for needing a little heroin to take the edge off.

Asia Carrera

Asia Carrera played the piano at Carnegie Hall, twice, before she turned 15. At age 16 she was teaching college level English classes in Japan. She is also a member of Mensa. You might recognize her from one of her 400 adult movies or as Sherry from “LogJammin” in “The Big Lebowski.” In 2015 Carrera was arrested for drunk driving. That wouldn’t be incredibly interesting if it wasn’t for the fact that it was after she dropped her kid off at school, wandered into the building, and passed out on a couch. When the cops woke Carrera up, she attempted to flee the scene. Which I assume means she took two steps and fell down. She also posed for her driver’s license picture wearing a colander on her head, citing it was part of her religious beliefs as a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

August Ames

23 year old August Ames had a very successful career in the adult film industry. She also had a long history of depression. She signed on to a film but “pulled out” at the last second when she found out her male co-star also did gay porn. She sent out this Tweet.

"Whichever (lady) performer is replacing me tomorrow for @EroticaXNews, you're shooting with a guy who has shot gay porn, just to let cha know. BS is all I can say… Do agents really not care about who they're representing?... I do my homework for my body"

Social Justice Warriors blew up her social media, condemning her for having the audacity to choose who she wants to have sex with, and telling her she should kill herself. Which is what she did; proving what everybody already knows about Social Justice Warriors: They are more concerned about their own self-righteousness than any real desire to affect positive change in the world.

Felicia Tang

Felicia Tang was a model who mostly stuck to softcore porn like Playboy. She parlayed her hotness into mainstream work, playing “Hot girl in background” in movies like Rush Hour 2, Cradle 2 the Grave, and The Fast and the Furious. In 2009 she started dating ex-pastor and reality star Brian Lee Radone. In April of 2009 she was found dead in her and Radone’s home with 320 wounds from blunt force trauma. A detective on the case said, "As I walked in the bedroom -- oh my God ... looked like a bomb went off. The closet was broken, there was globs of hair on the floor, the bedding was all over the floor...there was a big wet spot on the bed..."

At the trial Radone’s lawyers told the jury she had a seizure from taking GHB and all the carnage was from her flopping around. Randone was found not guilty.

Linda Lovelace

Linda Lovelance dipped her toe into the world of adult movies by appearing in cinema classics like “Piss Orgy” and “Dog Fucker,” which are exactly what they sound like. In 1972 she became one of the first actresses to garner worldwide fame from porn after starring in the smash hit “Deepthroat.” It was about a woman who finds out her clit is in the back of her throat and can only orgasm by shoving cocks as far down her throat as she can get em. Lovelace’s career took a pretty steep dive after “Deepthroat”, despite a sequel and appearing in magazines like Playboy. She eventually quit getting work because she showed up to set fucked up all the time.

After almost a decade of starring in adult movies, and immediately after she stopped making money from them, Lovelace found Jesus. She told police and the media that all of her scenes were done because her husband was literally pointing a gun to her head at the time and she was being raped. Colleagues of Lovelace said her husband was a dick, but Lovelace was, “a sexual "super freak" who had no boundaries and was a pathological liar.” I am certainly against rape and as a card-carrying human being, believe that rapists should be brought to justice. But I’m also divorced and know first-hand that some women are capable of saying and doing anything to avoid taking responsibility for her actions, especially when it comes to gobbling dicks like the cookie monster.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7