The Deranged: I'm Not Prolific but I'm Strange

A new beginning
That may not be so different
We all are sinning
The definition is so twisted

To misinterpret
The only thing people are experts at
I am determined
But I still have to watch my back

You never saw it
You never saw that I had aspirations
I understand why
I was on an unpaid stay-cation

I’ve done some things I regret
But I’m so sick of living in the past
I try to be level-headed
But when they push my buttons they are aghast

At the results
They did not think I was a demon
Hurl your insults
I push it all down refrain from screamin’

Until I snap
It seems to be what you wanted all along
You pretend it’s all in good fun
But some of you did me wrong

Perhaps I need some thicker skin
Perhaps I need to search within
But sometimes I can’t let shit slide
When I’m taken for a ride

So you can have your wonder boy
I can have my life back
It will never be perfect
But it’s worth it
Some things you can’t just retract

The same goes for me
But you act as if you’re not the culprit
Like people are supposed to bow
When they are insulted

I’m not trying to live in this
I’ve tried to forgive this
I know all about people talking shit
And all the kiss-asses that you get

And you know it wouldn’t be so bad if that was all it was
But you tried to tear apart everything I was
I’d hate to play the victim but I was being gaslighted
By a group of people who thought I’d never fight it
But when I ignited I made the news
So fuck you I paid my dues

To try and ignite a volatile substance
To think you won’t get burned
Now the consensus seems to be
Get in line and wait your turn
I’ve never learned

I know what I want to be
Minus the radical action
I see the symmetry
In the synthetic factions

That claim to oppose each other
Yet they are exactly the same
I’ve seen it my whole life
But they’ve intensified the game

They think it is reality
Lines of code all that I see
But I’m not a coder
I just want disclosure

Not a staged alien invasion
Not Russian and Chinese occupation
Can we please just stop the sanctions
Please just stop the hatred

The false dichotomy now reigns
While children have the hunger pains
So go drone bomb 10,000 more
Pretend we’re not in a world war

I see why we’re called the evil empire
But you must worship the magic cloth
A country that threatens with fury and fire
And claims collateral damage is no loss

I’ve digressed yet again
But my initial point was sullen
It’s OK I don’t live for you
Or the shit people have put me through

I swear I don’t want to play the victim
But they underestimate the “nice guy”
just because I show respect
I blow up on you, you wonder why

Because you crossed a line in the sand
Along with all these people that are bland
I admit I am only a man
So bring it back to where it began

The second I took a leadership position
There were people standin’ there just wishin’
That someone they knew could take my job
They prejudged me + thought I was a slob

I’m not a fan of what others think
But they pushed and pushed had me to the brink
I did it for almost 5 years
Then enacted my worst fears

I’m mixing subjects up again
But this is not a thesis
So if you have a problem with it
You can suck my penis

Anyway between the abuse and gaslighting
I really didn’t see a reason for fighting
But to their dismay
I started to get drunk every day
They probably thought I was on “drugs”
Because that’s just what he does
But in reality I was fed up
Was forced to tango with death without shit in my cup

And so it begins again
Another story I’ll delete again
Didn’t do #introduceyourself
I’m not that important
I never had the intention

Because I come from an alternate dimension
Mandela sent me as his henchman
I was here to make a profound change
But your world has just left me deranged