From the “I Swear I’m Not an Asshole!” Department: United Airlines Edition
Did you hear about this? United Airlines execs last Fri rolled out a new employee lottery to replace their employee’s quarterly bonuses.
So instead of giving EVERY one of the 90,000 employees a bonus that could add up to as much as $1500 at the end of the year – money that I guess many are depending on – they decided to replace it with a lottery where some (as many as a thousand) would win cash bonuses (as high as a $100,000!), trips or cars (that they probably couldn’t afford.)
Well, apparently, over the weekend, the majority of the workers decided they didn’t want to be one of the mass majority who would just flat out lose their bonuses and cried foul. By Monday, the lottery was nixed.
"Our intention was to introduce a better, more exciting program, but we misjudged how these changes would be received by many of you," said Scott Kirby, president of United Continental (UAL), the holding company for the airline, in an email to employees. "We are pressing the pause button," he wrote.
Misjudged, Scott? That’s like saying Evel Knievel misjudged jumping the Grand Canyon because he didn’t set up a ramp. And seriously, Scott, you thought this was good timing during a union negotiation?
I will say this, Scott. I’m impressed. I’m impressed by your complete disconnect from the rest of the shared reality us serfs below you apparently live in. I’m impressed by your balls to not disguise your blatant attempt to rip off your employees and act like you were doing them a favor. I’m impressed that you’ve surrounded yourself with so many Yes Men that no one told you how this sounded like a rejected Monty Python skit.
But I’m mostly impressed by how you’ve convinced yourself that your farts don’t stink. So, Scott, keep tooting your own horn.
Ok, so the graphic is a bit strong for me (double entendre), but I am floored--depressed--by Kirby's disconnect from the way the rest of us live. Lotteries are fun, but bread and rent are better. In an age when billionaires run the country (I mean the government--they've always run the country) he might have thought this idea would actually get past us. So much else has lately. At least the workers called him on this one. Stay tuned...
It's always great to see people coming together, taking a stand for something and then seeing some success from that. Even when it's over something ridiculously obvious as this.