Good evening and welcome to the G.N.N

I thought I'd start my own News Network here on Steemit. This is inspired by hearing the same boring ass news story's regurgitated all day long.

First up..

Cant Stop Won't Stop

Sean "Puffy or Ditty" Combs has changed his name yet again and noone gives a fuck. Seriously.. has this guy been relevant since the 90's? Well in case you are 1 of the 3 people on earth that may care?.. now he wants to be called "Brother Love."

Another Day Another Shooting

Some wacko shot up a church in Virgina killing 20 some people. A mass shooting in America?..that's weird. The problem isn't that there's too many guns though, they actually need more guns because if everyone was armed the entire church congregation could have let bullets fly and everyone would be safer. It's called logic!

Apple Releases the iPhone X

Credit: technobezz.com

Apple's new $1000 dollar phone has three new features, a bigger screen and a better camera. They've added glass on the back of the phone now too so you can have even more shattered glass when you lightly drop it. They'll sell millions the first week and half of them will be broken by this time next month.

Rich People Wanna Stay Rich

Credit: National Post

Another data leak, coined the "Paradise Papers" is highlighting how rich people use off shore accounts to save tax money. Everyone's surprised and offended. Canada's PM Trudeau is implicated in yet another scandal but we don't care, he's got nice socks and smiles alot.

Trump Visits Japan

Credit: CNBC.com

Trump starts his Asia visit with golf and koi feeding with Japan's President Abe. Everything wrong on earth is Donald Trump's fault so we can just move on now.

Hollywood May Not Be A Good Place

Credit: buzzfeed

More women have came forward saying Harvey Weinstein groped, touched, exposed himself, stuck candles up their asses and all kinds of kinky shit. I think the total is now at 172 people. Noone knew this was going on and many other celebrities are offended.

Kevin Spacey may have fucked some kids but he was drunk and gay so it's ok. I'm beginning to think we shouldn't take celebrities so seriously when they protest and tell the rest of us how to live our lives..nah

Sweden Makes Fast Cars

Koenigsegg's Agera RS is now the world's fastest production car. It reached an avg speed of 277 mph on a closed highway in Nevada. I'm not impressed yet, I'm holding out to buy a car that goes 278 mph.

Elon Musk

Credit: Wired Magazine

This just in, Elon Musk has a shit ton on money and is working on all kinds of sciencey shit.

Bitcoin

Credit: Egypt Independent

Bitcoin is making alot of people rich AF.

*AF stands for "as fuck"

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And that's your news for today. Thanks for tuning in and have a fantastic life!

@goldenarms

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