My entry into coffee story writing challenge by @davinsh

Immediately I saw “A story related to coffee”, I had a quick flashback to the day I ended up in a Psychiatric hospital, in quest of buying coffee.
I know the rules was clear. NOT MORE THAN700 WORDS. I tried my best to shorten it to this extent, the story will be incomplete if I shorten it more.
So, let’s make little a deal. Please read only the first paragraph. If you get bored at all, skip the whole story.
I recalled when I spend the holidays in my aunt's house, she lives opposite a psychiatric hospital.
I woke up one early morning feeling very hungry, probably because I went to bed on empty stomach. I looked at the clock and I was already late for my part time job. With little or no time to make breakfast. All I could think of was going out to grab a sachet of coffee. Things are quite different here in Nigeria from what I see in foreign movies, nothing like a coffee shop that sells already made coffee so you can grab a cup on your way to work. You wanna drink coffee? You gotta go out to buy the sachet, come back home and make it yourself. Still dressed in my nightwear (I mean singlet and short) I left the house to buy coffee, On a second though I wanted to put on some clothes but the shop (where am going) is just opposite our house, Besides it was still morning.
Across the road is the psychiatric hospital and in front of the hospital is the small shop where a lady sells beverages. I was about to cross the road when I sighted her going into the hospital. I walked fast to catch up but I couldn’t. I stopped at her shop and waited, I was already running late for work. What if I take the coffee and leave, on my way back from work I’ll stop by and give her the money?
In Nigeria, once you try that, you are automatically a thief. If you’re caught you will get the beating of your life and will be paraded round the street naked while holding what you stole, or your hand will be chopped off or you may be burnt alive… (We Africans hate thieves but love buying stolen stuffs). I had to go look for her. On getting to the hospital gate, I knocked but no response, I pushed it and it opened. Well, I went in (everywhere was quite like houses in the woods in horror movies) I strolled down a bit and gaze but couldn’t find her. At this junction I made up my mind to go back home and prepare for work.

On getting back to the gate only find out that it was padlocked, the security man teleported out of nowhere with a bunch of keys on his belt hook.
CONVERSATION BETWEEN ME AND THE GATEMAN
(Actually, we had the conversation in pidgin English but I will translate them to English, for the sake of winning)
ME- Sir open the gate, I want to go out (In a polite tone and manner)
GATEMAN- where are you going?
(What kinda stupid question is this? I decided to play stupid and give him a stupid answer for his stupid question)
ME- I wanna go to toilet, mtcheeeww....
Gateman- it's like you're new here, the toilet is at the back, near the plant house.
ME- (Chuckled) Hey easy buddy… I don't live here. I just came to buy coffee but couldn't find the seller.
Gateman- I don’t have energy to talk, just go back to your bed or do you want me to flog you?
(at this moment it wasn’t funny anymore, I had to raise my voice)
ME- Are you deaf? I said I don’t live here, I only came to buy coffee.
Gateman- Ok, I’m sorry. calm down
(Inhaled and Exhaled a deep breath At this moment I had hope that things are falling in place) Gateman- My friend what's your name?
ME- Bernard
Gateman- Bernard give me the money, I’ll help you buy the coffee immediately.
(INTERUPTED HIM)
ME- you know where she is?
Gateman- Yes, as I was saying. I will help you buy the coffee on the condition that you will go back to your room and I will bring it to you.
ME- Dude do I look like someone that lives here?
(damn, I was on singlet and shorts. Over here, mad people in psychiatric hospital wear the same. Except private hospitals).
Do I look mad at all? (Fuck up, my hairstyle was dreadlock and it was looking so scattered and unkept... I started to remember how my mom use to beg me to barb my hair. How she always warned me that my dreadlocks will get me in trouble one day. I think that day was the day. 😂😂😂😂)
GATEMAN STILL STARING AT ME
ME- Ok, I know I look a little bit mad, but don't I talk like a normal human being?
(a normal human being admitting that he looks mad, I don't think that sounds any normal)
(That what you all always say” the gate man muttered then grabbed my hand)
Gateman- my friend let's go inside first. We will settle there...
I quickly pulled away. At this point it was crystal clear to me that I was stuck there and the only way to leave is to go through him. The gateman looks quite stronger than me, so I was looking for a good weapon of his size, the only strong object around was a mop in front of his door, it wasn't good enough, but I had no choice. I was cornily going for it when the lady showed up from nowhere and identified me as her customer.
That’s how I would have been registered as a madman just because I want to drink coffee.