Reading to My Boys! Or How I Talked to My Sons About SEX!
We started off reading to our boys. The first day home from the hospital, I sat down in The Big Green Chair and with my new born son, cradled in one arm, I opened Dr. Seuss.
I would be able to recite at least three of his titles by heart in no time!
Soon, this beautiful little addition to our family, had us following a whole new routine. The scenario went something like this. Papa gets up and takes a shower then rushes to get dressed for work. He kisses Mom as they pass at the bathroom door. Papa goes in to baby Vernon's room and picks up his smiling little boy. A quick diaper change then into the kitchen. He pours his cereal as baby Vernon bounces in his "handy dandy baby bouncing device" secured to the door frame.
Mom comes in with a towel wrapped around her wet hair. She sits on the floor and makes ridiculous goo goo sounds until baby Vernon is giggling around his pacifier. Giggles turn into whimpers and she picks up her little boy and nurses him. Papa kisses his family goodby and zips out the door to work.
Content, after being fed, baby Vernon is laid in his play pen, with a rubber toy, while Mom dresses for the day. She gets some, much needed, house work done , puts on a load of laundry, and it's time for another diaper change.
Do you have the picture yet?
Vernon goo goos in his playpen, amusing himself with his toes, while his mother folds the laundry. He begins to whimper again, she picks him up, feeds him again, and reads Green Eggs and Ham. while he suckles. (link below)
At noon Papa rushes in for lunch, grabs a sandwich and settles into The Big Green Chair. Mom hands over little Vernon and he is settled in beside his father. Papa picks up a book from the stack beside the chair and begins to read.
At bedtime, Vernon moves from his father's lap, to the comfortable rocker in the nursery and.....yup, time for another story!
Fifteen months later, little Coulter is worked into this routine.
Some of Vernon's favorite books were Richard Scarry's children books. I think we had a complete set of these. His mom would sit with him for hours turning the pages and pointing to each picture, naming the various objects. He liked the machines. Cars, trucks, tractors, airplanes! If there were wheels, tracks or propellors and went brrrrrrrrrrrmmmm, he was into it! (Link Below)
His mom and I had a bet on which word he would say first. I was sure he would say Papa, on account of the time I spent coaxing him to say PAPA! I sneaked in at lunch one day to find his mother bouncing him on her lap, goo gooing, and saying, over and over, "Vernon, say, MAMA........Maaaaaa....Ma!" I thought this was extremely unfair on her part, on account of her getting to spend more time with him and all. Like training a parrot! Disgusting!
Anyway, as I said, the kid loved machines. His mother would take him outside and let him watch while I bush hogged or plowed with the tractor. He never tired of this activity and would cry if his Lesa tried to take him inside.
One day, when he was about 11 months old they came outside to watch while I washed the tractor. I was elbow deep in a sudsy bucket when she set him down to toddle around and he stumbled over to the large rubber tire and hit the treads with both little hands and hollered, "Trat-torr!"
I was really put out! All those endless hours of repeating Papa, Papa, Papa to no avail. I wished we had a bird.
His mama was delighted, at least she appeared to be. Deep down, she was a little disappointed.
We got over that and when his little brother's first word turned out to be "Toke," which rhymes with a popular soft drink he favored, it didn't bother us so much.
About ages 2 and 3, and after reading Green Eggs and Ham for the ten thousand, two hundred and sixty fourth time, I decided I'd try a little experiment. They settled down with me in The Big Green Chair, one on either side, and I began to read. "I am Sam, Sam I am." I read a little way into the story then, to see if they were paying attention, I changed things up. When I got to the part about, "I would not eat them in a box, I would not eat them with a fox.......," I instead said, "I would not eat them on the moon, I would not eat them with a coon, I would not eat green peas and spam I would not eat them....., at this point both of the exclaimed, "PAPA!"
"What?"
"Read it right," said Vernon. "Yeah, Papa, read it right," said Coulter.
"Well, I'll have you know I've been reading for going on 35 years now, and I'm here to tell you, that's what it says right there," I said tapping the page!"No, it don't", exclaimed Vernon! "Read it right, now!"
"Yeah," echoed his little brother!
"Well, now, how do you know? Can YOU read?"
They were having none of this!
Together, they said, "PAPA, read it right!"
"OKAY, OKAY", I said, and droned on. "I would not eat it with a fox, I would not eat it......."
We also had this novelty type book called, * All Around the Town* by Jiri Dusek and Jan Pasala.
The unique thing about this book is that there were these little tabs on each page that you could open and see what's inside. So, for example, if you come to the page about the fire station you could open this little tab and see a dalmatian wearing a fireman's helmet.
(Here's the link for that one.)
After I read this book about a zillion times I thought I might have a little fun. One day while Coulter was napping and Vernon was at Pre-Kindergarten, I took some old magazines and cut out some pictures. I cut each picture to the size of the little windows and, using doublestick tape, I changed the pictures. Uh huh, you guessed it...this blew their little minds!
I think that night's story time went something like this.
"Boys," I asked, "which book will we read tonight?"
Guess which one they picked? Yep, that one!
They got into their beds and I settled in between them to read.
Imagine their surprise when I invited one of them to open the door of the grocery store and instead of the grocer, in his white apron, there was the picture of a super model sporting this year's fashion style of a one piece bathing suit!
"HEY," they said in tandem! Hey, what's going on," said Vernon?
His little brother looked confused. "Well, I don't know, don't look at me," I say, looking surprised. "Maybe the grocer went on a trip and left this lady in charge."
"I don't think so," says Vernon, "something fishy going on up in here!" He sounded just like his Papa! "Yeah, fisky," Coulter says.
"Well, lets read on, maybe the grocer will be back soon. "
At the airplane hangar, the twin engine Apache had been replaced with a speed boat. The dalmatian was now a dolphin. Every door had something new behind it. They were delighted!
About ages six and seven, I was rushing to get them off to school when Coulter asked me, "Hey Papa, what does f**k mean?"
When a parent hears his six year old utter one of the most foul four letter words out there, it is a shocker, but give me some credit here......I didn't even slow down. "It is a bad word for a good thing," I said, "but I can't spare the time to explain it now, on account of your car pool ride just pulled up and I need some time to prepare." Just know this," I told him, "don't be using that word around school, or anywhere else for that matter, or you could get into some trouble, Okay?"
"Okay, Papa," he said ,and rushed out with his brother. By the way his brother reacted when he heard him ask me "the question", I supposed I needed to address this issue, and soon. Vernon learned something of the birds and the bees, and from an unreliable source I suspected.
It was my day off, so Mama and I climbed into the family van and headed to Books a Million. There I found an entire section, unto itself, about explaining sex to children! I was overwhelmed! Lesa wandered off to the craft section of the magazine rack while I browsed through tome after tome of psychological balderdash.
I must say, I felt like a grasshopper in a chicken coup, every time a lady walked by. I finally went to the woodworking section, got the biggest coffee table book there, and returned to the parenting section where I could hide my selections from the eyes of the public within the covers of craftsmanship. I found this wonderful book called It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris, illustrated by Michael Emberley. (Link below)
This book was great, it discussed everything about sex, where babies come from, the responsibilities you have to accept when you become sexually active, all the stuff parents should teach their children. It had a bunch of stuff in there I wasn't even aware of and I was 45! Like I said, a good book.
It didn't hold anything back and didn't leave you with questions either. The illustrations were tactful, but truthful, and with cartoons that wouldn't shock a young mind.
I rounded up the Missus and handed her the book and headed to the car. What? You didn't think I would suffer the embarrassment of checking it out with all the female cashiers up front, did you? I could just imagine the store intercom blaring, "Price check on sex book for the gentleman at register three!" Nope not happening!
The weekend came and the rain had us all trapped inside, so I figure, "Let's do this!"
I herd the boys back to their room.
By this time they had real twin beds so we pushed them together and gathered up some extra pillows for comfort and we began.
"Okay guys I bought a new book for ya'll. I have to say, this is about some really adult stuff, serious stuff, that you should learn, and I would rather you hear it from me instead of from someone else, Okay?" They both agreed and knew that what was about to happen must be important, on account of their father acting so nervous.
So, I dive right into it, reading the intro and answering their questions truthfully.
I don't know why, but this book starts out explaining the difference in the sexes. Why they started with the female is beyond me, but had they started with the male gender I could have gotten through this a lot faster.
We learned about the female body, how it works, the different parts, and looked at all the illustrations. Of course, tactfully drawn with a cartoon character. This little cartoon didn't hide any of her secrets, and my sons were fascinated to learn this stuff. I made sure they didn't feel self conscious about exploring the pictures or asking questions, and I thought it was going quite well!
I turned the page and began with the male anatomy. About half way through the first page of the male section Coulter reaches for the book and says, "We already know about this stuff Papa, turn back to the girl part!" I'm thinking, "Uh, huh, I'm gonna have to keep my eye this one!" So we turn back until the novelty of what a naked lady looks like wears off before we can continue.
After we struggled through it the first time, I told them that it was their book and would be on the shelf to read for themselves anytime they wanted to. I think they used it often over the years because when I found it, to get the source information for this post, it looked well worn. Especially the lady part!
That night, when I tucked them in Coulter asked me, "Papa, did you and Mama have sex?" I paused and gave that some thought.
"Well, son," I replied. "Your mom and I wanted to have a little boy like you soooooo bad that we took one for the team and now here you are!" That seemed to satisfy him.
"Papa?"
"Yes?"
"I love you!"
"I love you too son!"
"Goodnight!"
I hope you enjoyed this little story about my family.
These boys are young men now, and they are poised to make their mark on the world.
Please share if you found value to the Steemit community here and,
CARRY ON!
Thumbnail Image courtesy of all-free-download.com ( link below)
http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/child-and-books_208362.html
I loved the last part haha. I just had to smile while reading your post, keep steeming!
:) I'm so glad you liked my story! It makes me feel good when people give me feedback. I hope to post more real soon!
You're a really good story teller sir, and I do hope to see more of your works soon!
It's wonderful that you read to your boys, these days too many parents rely on the TV. I love the photos ... are they genuinely of you and the boys?
Yes, they are! The Missus was always sneaking up on us and snapping photos. I'm glad she did because looking through them now I find inspiration for another story! Thanks again!
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Thank you!
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