Is My Life Falling Apart?
I haven’t been posting as much as I use to compared to last month.
I have been going through a bit of rough times and I feel like I really need to get this off my chest.
My Quarter Life Crisis…
...has been catching up to me over the past few years.
Ever since I graduated high school and started going to college, long story short, I’ve been struggling with finding myself and finding my balance in life and has been affecting my academics.
I’m in my mid-twenties and been to college for quite a while.
One of the few main struggles I’m struggling with is getting into the major while going through impaction.
Made mistakes in the past that led me to this.
It feels like the end of the world as this is definitely going to ruin the relationship between me and my parents.
My parents don’t know that I have a Steemit account but that’s another blog for another time.
But having a Steemit account and posting here is helping me get through these rough times.
Now that I think of it maybe I won’t get big on Steemit.
Maybe it’s just a way to help me get through these tough times of my academic situation, being single, and making sure I never lose sight of getting in shape.
The funny thing is that ever since I feel like I want to give up in college that was the time I started to enjoy college life more because I have more freedom, got better in making friends, and have more motivation than ever before.
It’s like when you’re closer to feeling dead is when you feel most alive.
It’s funny how when I hit my lowest point plenty of changes comes into my life.
Maybe I haven’t hit my lowest point yet and I’m just hitting many different low points in my life like a never ending downward rollercoaster.
This is a beginning of a new semester for me and I just went through rough week last week.
Last week my car got towed and I had to pay $400 from my pocket to get it back.
I was SO scared that my parents will find out but if they find out when reading this I wouldn’t really care cause by that time it will be ancient history.
I learned a good lesson from that experience since I sure as hell don’t want to lose another few hundred dollars all over again.
That experience left in a crippled state.
Last semester I got sick two times, my car got damaged, my phone cracked twice, my computer got damaged and I’m kinda scared of how the shitstorm is going to unravel this semester.
I’m scared of the future and I’m starting to think that my life is falling apart.
I used to be one step away from falling apart but now I’m like four or five steps away from that.
Is that an improvement?
I feel like I could be slipping back to my old self if life turns out for the worse.
Looking Back
My life was pretty fucking dramatic up to the end of my high school.
After high school I was still fucking depressed and I had no inner strength.
I didn’t believe in myself through the first few years of college and the damage has been done where it is catching up with me today.
Is it still not too late for me?
I don’t fucking know.
The bright side
The bright side is that I'm enjoying life more than I did 2-3 years ago.
The bright side is that I’m a stronger person than I was 2-3 years ago.
The bright side is that at least I’m not one of those people who have to face a lawsuit for promoting Bitconnect.
Being human or maybe just me I just have a never ending list of fuck ups but at least lawsuit will never be one of them.
I don’t really have many REAL followers but I already considered the social responsibilities since I'm active on a social platform.
It’s only a matter of time when I have 1000 followers here on this platform and ACTUALLY have followers supporting me since I’m building it up steadily.
Also whatever happens, when life fuck me in the ass again I made a promise to myself to finish what I started.
I plan to finish getting in shape and not plateau halfway any longer.
When life throws shit at me I’ll still do my cardio, I’ll still do my push-ups, I’ll still pump some iron, I’ll still keep this routine going.
Hopefully my plans follow through the next three months where I see the fire grow then I can feed off of it and let it grow more.
I miss the feeling of accomplishing a goal.
I remember the time I got out of obesity I felt as if I woke up from depression.
More importantly...I will see this through to the end.
I'm far from giving up where I just sit on my ass watch shows ALL THE TIME just to escape reality.
Questions Running Through My Mind
Will my happiness be independent?
Will I live in the moment instead of living in the future or living the happy moments in the past?
Why do I get the feeling that my life is build-up story to something very tragic?
Is my life falling apart?
I don’t post sad posts on a regular basis.
I try to keep these kinds of post down to a minimum like once every two to three months.
I try to be positive as I can but this is hard.
Godspeed for me.
You are not alone, feel free to post any mood. You will only help others to express themselves too. God Bless.
thanks i didnt notice that i was helping others express themselves. god bless you too
Thanks for this. This part here is me.
"The bright side is that I'm enjoying life more than I did 2-3 years ago.
The bright side is that I’m a stronger person than I was 2-3 years ago."
Please do share your thoughts again. We all have our crosses to bear but for some of us its not easy to put those feelings into words. So to see someone speak about thing which we struggle to express, us comforting in a way.
Bro!
Like @aussieninja said, college is a rough time. Things can definitely be interesting. I remember when I was going to school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. But one thing I learned is when you stop caring, you get to enjoy everything more (kind of like you mentioned when you said you were better at making connections when you gave up on school). If you ever need to talk, hit me up on steemit chat or instagram!
i will definitely hit you up either on one of those! im still going to school lol. its just this quarter life crisis is getting to me and i really want financial freedom so badly especially when i heard about this site. i wish i knew about this earlier. its just a lot of things have been going on in my mind.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
Firstly man, university is the weirdest time of your whole life.
You always feel like you should be doing something more productive, you're always stressed, there's always something hanging over your head... you're poor, it can be both super easy and super hard to make friends... it's just weird.
Life gets a trillion times better once you start working full time, so try to not stress too much... this stage is only temporary.
It sounds like you're super close to your parents, but you don't have to tell them about Steem... I wouldn't. This is for you... and for us. We're your friends, but we're not judgey, so you should have some platform to get everything off your chest. Everyone needs that... whether it's close friends, family or social media.
You don't have to be positive all the time, university is crazy hard... especially in the States where everything is so expensive.
My advice would be just to try and do as well as you can, and don't sweat anything else... things always work out in the long run.
you're right things will stabilize soon and once it stabilizes that's where i can finally find balance with myself and the shit that is going on around me.
funny thing is that it took me a few years to get into my own groove especially with university.
Im not going to tell my parents about this platform and another funny thing is that if they do find out it will just confuse them even more cause they re still trying to get use to regular social media like facebook while steemit is a whole new thing.
Thanks for the advice whatever shit im going through, its not going to stop me from being mentally independent :)