When I first sat down to write this piece, I honestly thought that I loved writing. But five days and a few hours later, after debating with myself multiple times, and considering whether there were other hidden passions that I had, I finally came to one conclusion; I totally hate that I love writing.
Don’t be confused yet, when you're done reading this piece you’ll get to understand my agony. You see, long before I got to know that writing could be worth something financially, I wrote a lot. I wrote any and every time my muse was stirred, and my muse was stirred a lot! I could be in a bus, in the middle of a serious conversation, I could be writing an exam, sometimes even when I am answering the more serious of nature’s calls. As long as something or someone gave me inspiration, you better believe that I will find somewhere to write it down.
But how is this problematic you may ask? Well, exercise a little patience now, would you?
Now being inspired is one thing, writing your inspiration down is another, but transforming that inspiration into something worthy of being called a masterpiece is an entirely different ball game altogether. Most writers would at least be able to relate with me on this point, unless of course, you're some modern Shakespeare or George Orwell. Hell, I bet even those awesome two would have struggled with getting on the trending page here on Steemit (pardon my language). So now you should begin to see the beginnings of my agony as it takes shape. Let’s go on…
Now after struggling with that idea, after hours of contemplation, thinking of the general shape which that prose or poetry would take, and after seeing the beginning and the end of the article in your head, you're now faced with writing it down. Then you begin,
“In the land of myth, in the times of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name…? Merlin.”
Awesome! Right? So you will tell yourself, until you're visited by that ugly-hard-headed-terrible monster called writer’s block. Ugh! I can’t even afford to think too much about that monster lest I risk calling his attention to me. He makes awesome ideas crumble as soon as they begin, he takes the hard earned idea carefully brewed by the special people that authors are, and he throws them down a bottomless void to be found no more. And when for his sake a superb piece of inspiration turns into an average article, the readers won’t think much about him before they crucify the author with vile comments that would make him/her begin to reconsider his/her calling. Sometimes I wonder, why isn’t there a ‘reader’s block’? Just so that we authors could equally have something to throw at the faces of those that do not take their time to read and appreciate the result of hours of serious thought and… and… what was I talking about again? Something about 2018… a contest… yes, my hobby!
So you see why I hate the fact that I love writing? And that’s only just the beginning; don’t get me started on the personal consequences of writing being my hobby. Too late, I’ve already started…
I’m much of a quiet thinker; now I don’t know how that sounds to you, so let me explain. I say it to mean that I can only think in quiet places. Wherever there is noise, no matter how little, I find it very difficult to put thoughts together, let alone write them down. If a conversation starts between two people while I’m in the middle of writing a piece, I can read one sentence a hundred times without figuring out a suitable sentence to follow it. So this means that many a time when I have to write, I have to wait until the middle of the night when everyone is asleep, which is quite difficult giving that sometimes I just want to put that idea burning inside me on a piece of paper and convert it as quickly as possible into something at least worth looking at twice.
The alternative to waiting until midnight is not totally appealing as well, it means telling everyone around me to ‘shut the fuck up’ and ‘turn down the effing volumes’ until my thought processes are complete. Imagine that! Wait, what were you thinking I would say, use ear plugs? What, and lose my hearing equilibrium? No, thank you.
So, basically this is what I face just to do that which is my passion. And sometimes when there is a little bit of peace and I pick up my laptop or phone to utilize this rare opportunity, my partner would say I spend all my time on gadgets and pieces of writings while I leave her all alone. Babe please, have you forgotten so soon that your wig costs money? How on earth are we going to get your nails done? Of course Steemit is more important than… sorry, that was definitely a joke…
So my 2018 has been spent doing that which is my passion, but as it so happens, I do not like my passion. After thinking long and hard about it a few days ago, I had to ask myself, why is it that I didn’t grow into liking something like eating, or sleeping. I hear there’s a company now that pays people to go into some sort of cryo-sleep (hibernation) as part of an experiment. How I would have loved that job.
But who knows, perhaps insomnia is as much of a monster as the famed ‘writer’s block’. Reminds me of the saying ‘careful what you wish for’. Too bad I can’t find out though, as my nights are spent putting finishing touches to agonizing inescapable write-ups like this one. And whenever it’s close to daybreak, I’d already be halfway asleep that Mr. Insomnia wouldn’t even think me worthy of a moment’s thought.
Plus when I'm done, I still have to go back and do the tiring crosschecking for errors and ‘it-could-be-better’ sentences. Should I or should I not for this one…? I think I should… not.
So that’s my 2018 and my hobby y’all...
One last word... you know, I actually do love my hobby, or why else do you think I'll sit down and go through the hardwork of surmounting all the above mentioned obstacles just to put up this 1000 word plus article... a share of the 100sbd price? Who do you think i am, a writer or something?
Written for @anomadsoul's this is my hobby contest. See link below...