RE: Relationship musings: A breakdown of the issue of love and money, vanity and so many others
Beautiful write up. Most people have no idea what real love is. It is both a noun and a verb- an action word. You cannot love without acting. God is love and he is a giver. There is no love that does not require giving in one way or another. A favourite psychologist of mine M. Scott Peck defines love as "the willingness to extend oneself for the growth of another".
When I love someone, wanting to help them grow becomes my obsession. And that desire makes me want to do things for them that will make them successful in every sense possible. I want to help them become intellectually, financially, spiritually, emotionally and socially successful. I want to see them become the best version of themselves.
Young ladies are often very superficial. They can only understand and therefore seek only that side of love that comes with material things. Their desire is not wrong but Lil Wayne says in a song: "Why give a bitch your heart when she'd rather have a purse". She could have so much more but all she can appreciate is the material things. I don't want that kind of a woman because I want to be more useful. I want someone who will help me become a better person through my being able to extend myself into every area of her life and see her blossom. I will not be trapped in a marriage where I won't find that fulfillment that comes from contributing to the growth of another individual in every way. I will not become a mere money bag.
Greetings @rabamaker, I admire you desire to assist the person that you will choose to love to become successfull intellectually, finacially, spiritually and etc. However, it is interesting that you referenced a mysognistic rap lyric in describing young ladies. Either you see ladies as human beings and thusforth will reference their humanity as such, or you see them as "bitches" as many rap lyrics have harmfully referenced women, which entails denies them from their humanity. Lastly, we all live in a patriarchial rule socities that places the male to provide all resources, finances, and infrasturctures; so with this understanding it baffles me that some males complain about women expecting a male to be the man and provide all of which the established order of patriarchy requires of them. Is this too much to require of males? I look forward to having a dialogue with you. Thank you.
Greetings to you too. Thanks for reading my comment. I appreciate the fact that you think it worthy of a reply. I feel honourd to have been noticed. I am sorry if you feel offended by my reference to the Lil Wayne rap line. It was not meant to offend anyone.
I don't think you are angry that I compared some kind of women to animals. We compare people to animals a lot and they are usually very okay with it. Women are called lionesses, stallions, panthers, tigresses and so on when they exhibit certain admirable qualities. We call people foxes, vultures, leeches and so on when they exhibit different negative qualities. A favourite Nigerian female singer's name is Asa (hawk)- I think you should check her out by the way, her self titled debut album is incredible. I think you are angry that women generally are called b**ches by rap stars. I have never had a problem with a specific kind of women being compared to certain animals because of their negative qualities. Every woman can't be described as such just like they all can't be lionesses. Although I feel the metaphor is kind of wrong because It is often used to describe women of easy virtue and disloyal ones. Female dogs don't have intercourse indiscriminately or lack loyalty. I mean, we all say dogs are man's best friend, right? So I think the metaphor has an origin of ignorance.
It is true that many of us come from patriarchal societies, but the role of women is not exactly the same in all of them. In my immediate culture, the women work. They pratically all do. And they make money which they also spend on their families. Many of them who are often in polygamous marriages even build their own houses eventually. A divorce does not affect them the way it does women in other cultures. Yes, it is a patriarchal society and men have many unfair advantages over them but our women are hardly ever financially disadvantaged just because they are married.
So I think the men in my culture should improve by becoming husbands of one wife and taking the lead role in many more ways. But I do not think women should stop doing the things they already do so well.
But what I see these days is some few young ladies in my culture are beginning to have that mentality that they cannot survive without a man. Despite having been educated and having almost the same opportunities to better themselves as men. Such go around sleeping with men for the advantages that come with it and then turn around and say it's a man's world. No, that's not the reason why you are doing what you are doing. You are doing it because It is the easy way out.
Opportunities for women are increasing not decreasing. This is the internet age. Even in my culture the man is the provider, but it is more because that's the culture than because the women can't and don't assist. Trust me, if the man gets out of their lives they often do not suffer.
@rabamaker Thank you for your insightlful post. There is always another viewpoint or way to see a situation or thought. To comment on your statement, "But what I see these days is some few young ladies in my culture are beginning to have that mentality that they cannot survive without a man. Despite having been educated and having almost the same opportunities to better themselves as men" That same mentality or program is happening within my culture too. Depsite many women here becoming financially succesful and making gains in corporate/job force, the "higher" the women go, it seems to lessen their finding suitable mates. Now I am not sure if that is the same experience for the women in your culture; however I think that is an interesting parallel of experiences. Thank you for this dialogue exchange.
It is true. Even here, when a man climbs higher, his options increase. When a woman does, her options reduce. I think our societies have to redefine what it means for a man to take the lead in a marriage.
@rabamaker, you made some valid point, alhough the use of Lil Wayne's lyrics especially the "b" word makes a lot of people uncomfortable as ladies are also people. Both men and women are guilty of these atrocities in recent time but like I said great points