Relationship musings: A breakdown of the issue of love and money, vanity and so many others
Welcome to another round of my musings, today I will explore various topics surrounding relationships and air my views on such subjects.
Love and money
Is there a correlation between love and money? Yes there is, but it is not in the way we think. Some people believe only rich people are entitled to love. Sure a poor person has no business prioritizing fun over his family or loved one's well being, but remember that while hunting for money, don't lose those who matter to you.
Someone once told me that money is the bicycle of the gospel and that is true.But hey! this is not about the gospel, it is about love and money.
I was in a whatsapp group where a discussion on love and money came up and the ladies were of the opinion that a guy must be wealthy before they marry him and they had to "spend" their husband's money.
They equated the amount of money he had to the amount of love he would receive from them and I found it fascinating that these people all believed the same thing.
There was this remarkable young man who was of the opinion that love should not be controlled by money. Naturally they out voiced him and I started to wonder, what happened to the love of old?The kind of love our parents and grand parents shared.
What happened to supporting your man to grow? Now everyone wants a ready made partner which makes marriage lose it's primary functions which are solidification of love and establishment of companionship.
Now it's more of 'money for hand, back for ground' (permit the pidgin), people have forgotten what it means to truly love
and establish themselves. I think I finally fund the answer as to why divorce is getting higher nowadays and there is a rise in the recent trend of baby mamas, it is because the marriage or association was not founded on the right principles.
Vanity
My mother always said if you are beautiful or handsome, bless God,but don't get carried away. This life is filled with all sort of vanity and the truth is we indulge ourselves even a little bit at some point.
We all leave our vanities behind when we leave this world, so why cling to them so desperately in the first place? A billionaire gets tossed into the same earth as the pauper he offered pennies to daily, so why allow something affect you negatively?
A beautiful lady or handsome guy will eventually turn to dust one day, so what's with the pride? For guys and girls, beauty is pain, but do you know that beauty is not just pain, it can cost you pain.
I know of countless young men and women who are beautiful but long for a better half. One can be single and successful, I know that, but truth be told, most people won't normally opt for the life of a single, circumstances force them to adapt.
I have an aunt who lives in Lagos, she is very pretty, but she let it get to her head and it cost her her marriage because she became a pain in the neck. Now she drove her husband into the arms of another woman and she suddenly realized she lost big time because the men who were making her head swell have suddenly left her and there are more beautiful and younger models in the market for them to chase.
All is vanity, if you cannot put down your phone and make time out for that special someone because some people are holding your attention, it might be with that same phone you will see the break up text.Sure it might not hurt at first, but over time, you start to seethe things you miss about that other person.
If you are too big to admit your wrongs, remember that pride is your vanity and it will cost you dearly. The devil goes about like a roaring Lion looking for whom to destroy, guess what, your vanity becomes his tool.
Keeping options open and fidelity
This is one of the leading reasons for break ups in relationship. It's actually common among the ladies but guys are not exempt from it too. You see two people in love and you start to envy that love, wait a minute...look closely, look again and voila, you discover it's not actually a guy and a girl in love, it is more like guy and ten ladies in love or a girl and ten guys in love.
There is a term for that, it is called CHEATING! Some people call it an insurance policy,but even insurance policies fail. Do you know that in a bid to safe guard your heart, you have broken someone's heart or some people's hearts? Imagine such selfishness and wickedness simply because we feel life is all about us.
Karma is twerking at your door, you have to please ten partners, you know you love one most, so why say yes to others? why deceive yourself when you know that you'll end up getting hurt when you are hurting others?
Let's not even get started on the risk of sexually transmitted infections because if you contact, you have started a chain.
Remember that the hearts you would have to break eventually belong to human beings like you and a persistent cheat in a relationship is most likely to be a cheating spouse. You could lose that good one due to your stupidity which you term wisdom.
I will end this point with a quote in pidgin language...
Make I chop him money small, na so ashawo take dey start.
Mr right and Miss perfect
Lol, I will start this with a quote in pidgin as it seems pidgin gives a better effect for quotes...
She nor get yansh, na im make Uncle Ben die single
The meaning of that is because of Uncle Ben's choosy character, he died single. Everyone wants perfection, that match made in heaven, but do you know God will not do for man what man can do for himself? There is no match made in heaven, there are only TWO people willing to make it work at all cost.
Do you know that even the relationships which appear all spic and span have their own cracks which are being patched by the parties involved.
No one is perfect, not even you looking for a perfect one, you just have to decide that making it work and compromising when necessary is the best thing to do.
Being too rigid never helps, remember these words I leave you with...
You can decide to come off your high horse and enjoy love in itself or you can continue in the wrong path and reminiscence about what you once had.
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You are definitely right. When I was a kid, I had plans on the guy I would say yes to. I visualized that he would be tall, light (not dark o) and handsome, holighost filled, naira loaded and heaven bound, then he would have a nice set of teeth, preferable a gap in the middle.
But now that I have grown.... hmmm... It yaff change o.
I have watched a lot of people keep waiting for the right person... In fact, I know a man who has married two wives and is still waiting for his one true love. Smh.
Thanks so much for this piece. You talk sense.
There's nothing wrong in having standards, but set the ones that you've met. Skin color or external features should not be the first thing that pops into your head when you fall in love, the possibility of a future should.
So many people are married to the wrong person because they used a wrong basis for their judgement
Right! I have realized that. Thank you so much.
Beautiful write up. Most people have no idea what real love is. It is both a noun and a verb- an action word. You cannot love without acting. God is love and he is a giver. There is no love that does not require giving in one way or another. A favourite psychologist of mine M. Scott Peck defines love as "the willingness to extend oneself for the growth of another".
When I love someone, wanting to help them grow becomes my obsession. And that desire makes me want to do things for them that will make them successful in every sense possible. I want to help them become intellectually, financially, spiritually, emotionally and socially successful. I want to see them become the best version of themselves.
Young ladies are often very superficial. They can only understand and therefore seek only that side of love that comes with material things. Their desire is not wrong but Lil Wayne says in a song: "Why give a bitch your heart when she'd rather have a purse". She could have so much more but all she can appreciate is the material things. I don't want that kind of a woman because I want to be more useful. I want someone who will help me become a better person through my being able to extend myself into every area of her life and see her blossom. I will not be trapped in a marriage where I won't find that fulfillment that comes from contributing to the growth of another individual in every way. I will not become a mere money bag.
Greetings @rabamaker, I admire you desire to assist the person that you will choose to love to become successfull intellectually, finacially, spiritually and etc. However, it is interesting that you referenced a mysognistic rap lyric in describing young ladies. Either you see ladies as human beings and thusforth will reference their humanity as such, or you see them as "bitches" as many rap lyrics have harmfully referenced women, which entails denies them from their humanity. Lastly, we all live in a patriarchial rule socities that places the male to provide all resources, finances, and infrasturctures; so with this understanding it baffles me that some males complain about women expecting a male to be the man and provide all of which the established order of patriarchy requires of them. Is this too much to require of males? I look forward to having a dialogue with you. Thank you.
Greetings to you too. Thanks for reading my comment. I appreciate the fact that you think it worthy of a reply. I feel honourd to have been noticed. I am sorry if you feel offended by my reference to the Lil Wayne rap line. It was not meant to offend anyone.
I don't think you are angry that I compared some kind of women to animals. We compare people to animals a lot and they are usually very okay with it. Women are called lionesses, stallions, panthers, tigresses and so on when they exhibit certain admirable qualities. We call people foxes, vultures, leeches and so on when they exhibit different negative qualities. A favourite Nigerian female singer's name is Asa (hawk)- I think you should check her out by the way, her self titled debut album is incredible. I think you are angry that women generally are called b**ches by rap stars. I have never had a problem with a specific kind of women being compared to certain animals because of their negative qualities. Every woman can't be described as such just like they all can't be lionesses. Although I feel the metaphor is kind of wrong because It is often used to describe women of easy virtue and disloyal ones. Female dogs don't have intercourse indiscriminately or lack loyalty. I mean, we all say dogs are man's best friend, right? So I think the metaphor has an origin of ignorance.
It is true that many of us come from patriarchal societies, but the role of women is not exactly the same in all of them. In my immediate culture, the women work. They pratically all do. And they make money which they also spend on their families. Many of them who are often in polygamous marriages even build their own houses eventually. A divorce does not affect them the way it does women in other cultures. Yes, it is a patriarchal society and men have many unfair advantages over them but our women are hardly ever financially disadvantaged just because they are married.
So I think the men in my culture should improve by becoming husbands of one wife and taking the lead role in many more ways. But I do not think women should stop doing the things they already do so well.
But what I see these days is some few young ladies in my culture are beginning to have that mentality that they cannot survive without a man. Despite having been educated and having almost the same opportunities to better themselves as men. Such go around sleeping with men for the advantages that come with it and then turn around and say it's a man's world. No, that's not the reason why you are doing what you are doing. You are doing it because It is the easy way out.
Opportunities for women are increasing not decreasing. This is the internet age. Even in my culture the man is the provider, but it is more because that's the culture than because the women can't and don't assist. Trust me, if the man gets out of their lives they often do not suffer.
@rabamaker Thank you for your insightlful post. There is always another viewpoint or way to see a situation or thought. To comment on your statement, "But what I see these days is some few young ladies in my culture are beginning to have that mentality that they cannot survive without a man. Despite having been educated and having almost the same opportunities to better themselves as men" That same mentality or program is happening within my culture too. Depsite many women here becoming financially succesful and making gains in corporate/job force, the "higher" the women go, it seems to lessen their finding suitable mates. Now I am not sure if that is the same experience for the women in your culture; however I think that is an interesting parallel of experiences. Thank you for this dialogue exchange.
It is true. Even here, when a man climbs higher, his options increase. When a woman does, her options reduce. I think our societies have to redefine what it means for a man to take the lead in a marriage.
@rabamaker, you made some valid point, alhough the use of Lil Wayne's lyrics especially the "b" word makes a lot of people uncomfortable as ladies are also people. Both men and women are guilty of these atrocities in recent time but like I said great points
hahaha, one corner go soon follow am o.
You really spur some real word here. It is very true to look at some people and feel their love is just perfect. Looking out and helping each other will definitely help both partners in love. We can choose to help or neglect. But the former is always the best option. Thanks. @ehiboss.
This is the message I was trying to pass across. Do you know that men are also giving birth in recent time? That means no role is left solely for a single party alone.
Hahaha.
Hmmm, that is great.
every girls dream is to date a person that can afford luxurious life , fly first class. Love is never sweet without money(how do you treat her well, buy her gift and surprises without money?. but the fact remains love built on riches and wealth doesnt last.
Love without money is not sweet,which is why it's good to find a guy with prospects and help build the dream TOGETHER. Never look down on people because they might end up disappointing you.
Well bro this part of the world we often debate more on this topic, but permit me to stay away I have a very sad story when I remember me 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥
I hope you've gotten over your sad experience?
Bro hahaha it's a very difficult process o but well that one don pass on boss 😂😂😂😂
Truly everything is vanity because we are all strangers in this world. I think you are right we should enjoy love and not criticize. Nice piece @ehiboss
Good point
karma is twerking on your door
Lol, this one weak me..
i swr....lol
Lol, be strong
The kind of spirit people use to hunt after money is scary,,, especially free or already mad money,,,,, if money could get you all the love you need,,, why divorce rob kardashian ?
Which is the reason why so many have gone mad or ended up six feet under
I just shake my head anytime I think of love and money, though people have different opinions about this, but everything is vanity.
Everything is vanity as everyone ends up six feet under at some point.
genuine love has been watered down by the pursuit of money.....call me old fashioned but i still prefer the kind of romance our Grand parents had...
ive copied the link to this post and i am sooo going to share it...its a very insightful post....thank you
I prefer it too, however I still have to work hard.