More Than I Could Handle (video and thoughts)
When you fall in love, that love shows you all the areas in your life that you are great or small in.
We are attracted to that which makes us grow, over and over again until we get it. For me it meant learning to have self-esteem, self-love, self-respect, setting clear boundaries, healing from the disease to please, learning that just because someone left, it doesn’t mean I’m worthless, unattractive, unlovable, less than the other ...
What I observe around me is that many people agree that it is good to love yourself but when it comes to actually doing it, they relapse to self-deprecating behavior. I used to do it. I put all my worthiness and happiness into the hands of the other, and when he walked out of my life, he did so with my worthiness and happiness in his hands.
That is not the case anymore and love is starting to flourish in my life in ways it had never done before. I’m much more at peace, in balance, happy with who I am, more free from wanting specific results. Instead, I find myself just observing the results produced by the decisions I make, unfolding before my eyes in their own time ... I’m a much better company for myself and for others (at least so I hear..).
I no longer believe that anyone can hurt me (emotionally), make me feel anything, be it small or big, happy or sad - all that is my job, my world, my dreams or nightmares that I create within my mind.
I no longer seek love, I seek to give love and welcome love with open arms and heart when it’s given.
Now, I’m not perfect and I definitely have moments when I may relapse to my old world, but when that happens, it usually lasts a short time as I’m equipped with new thoughts and tools that help me create a loving universe in my head and project it onto those around me.
The things that were once more than I could handle, I’m no longer afraid to handle. They’re welcome and met with love ❤️
It’s such a beautiful and free space to live in that I wish it onto anyone who hasn’t reached that love yet. And it keeps getting better every day :)
Happy Holidays, everyone!
❄️❄️❄️❤️❤️❤️
Petra
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