Movie Review: Batman v Superman

So I watched Batman V Superman and guess what, it was shit. It’s not that I hated the concept of the Man of Steel, making Superman emo and the world not loving him, but that is not the reason he was originally created for. He was always meant to be a symbol, not a relatable character.

When you ridicule the ideals he represents, he ceases to exist. So basically this is not Superman but a completely different character. If they had created a new character to use in his stead, this wouldn’t feel so awkward. But it wouldn’t sell that way because he wouldn’t be called Superman.

Batman on the other hand was fine, since he is way more than a symbol and his initial conception was dark and violent to begin with. You can have a dark Batman movie, you can’t have a dark Superman movie. When he was on-screen things simply felt a lot more engaging. When Lois was talking to Clark, I didn’t give a shit. They were boring puppets with nothing to relate with.

I mean, I can appreciate DC for making its cinematic universe tragic compared to Marvel, where everything is about self-indulgence, but they still needed charisma in order for these movies to work. The Dark Knight had Joker and Bruce’s weakness as a human being to keep everything engaging. Superman can never be engaging because he was made to be overpowered and capable to do anything he likes. His enemies were also stupid, general Zodd was bland, Lex Luthor was a freaking joke, and Doomsday was a naked troll.

Even if we leave the aesthetics aside, the very script of these movies is a complete mess. Everything happens because the plot said so and not because the characters wanted it to be so. The reason the two heroes began hating and fighting each other was stupid, and so was the reason they stopped. The excuse for the formation of the Justice League also came out of nowhere, it had no justification other than “hey look at these people we have videos about”. When Wonder Woman appeared I was just scratching my head wondering why she is even there.

I didn’t even enjoy the action scenes. Most of them could easily be avoided if the heroes were using their heads, and the rest was just them blowing up shit and killing people nobody cares about. The Kryptonite spear in particular was insulting my intelligence. Why a spear and not bullets? Why did Lois throw it in the water and then jumped in to get it out? Why didn’t Superman just throw it to Doomsday? Everything is so fucking random!

So as a whole, it’s a bad movie, a terrible teaser for the Justice League, and I don’t give a shit about whatever they make afterwards.