My son and I just returned from seeing a movie named after the book Ready Player One. I chose those words very carefully. Because I love the book Ready Player One so much, I think it would be a huge insult to say I saw the movie version of it.

Although the novel's author, Ernest Cline, has his name on the screenplay for this film, I find it very hard to believe he actually had anything to do with writing it... unless he has suffered some form of amnesia in the past few years.

To be honest, this movie seemed like it was written by someone who had never actually read the book. It is as if the writer of the screenplay either heard someone talking about the book or read a two paragraph summary of it. This movie completely missed what made the book so much fun.

If you have never read the book, you may actually really enjoy this movie. Even if it is based on a hollow summary of the novel, the basic story is so much fun that it would be tough to make a movie of it that wasn't entertaining. There is plenty of action, some funny lines and some fun pop culture references. However, I would imagine that someone who has not read the book will have a different set of complaints than mine. Although the movie is listed at two hours and twenty minutes, that includes the credits. In my opinion, any movie that is based on a book needs to be at least two hours and thirty minutes (of actual content) long or it feels hollow. I would guess that people who have not read the book may be confused about some of the details.

This book is far better than the movie that shares its name.

As soon as I saw Steven Spielberg was involved in this movie, I immediately got nervous. Although I have loved many of Spielberg's movies, I immediately knew he was an odd fit for this. This movie should be about Spielberg and his heyday... not be made by him today. I wish this movie were made by fans who grew up watching Spielberg, Lucas, and Hughes. This is why I went in with VERY low expectations. Because of this I did not hate the two hours I spent. But I definitely never want to see it again. I was prepared for an utter train wreck and ended up seeing a couple of fender benders that will cause a two hour gaper's block.

Although I had braced myself for the worst, I simply can't comprehend how the creators of this film completely missed the entire reason the book Ready Player One was so much fun. First and foremost, Ready Player One is about puzzles and hidden "Easter eggs". Not only was the book inspired by a puzzle from an Atari 2600 video game, the book itself was a puzzle. The first person who solved the puzzle won an actual DeLorean.

Ernest Cline is so cool he has his own DeLorean... yet he is connected to this movie?

To add to the fun, the puzzles are based on pop culture from the author's (and my) youth: the '80s. The next ingredient is exciting action. Sprinkle in some fun characters (who are puzzles themselves) who are trying to save a dystopia world and you have an incredibly entertaining book.

But this movie completely missed the main ingredient: puzzles.

There were almost none in the entire movie. The characters do find some clues but they are glossed over so quickly that the audience never gets to play along. They solve the puzzles as quickly as they find the clues. It was as if the writers wanted the audience to completely shut off their brains and just enjoy the special effects. Sometimes that is needed... but not when you have such a fun story. When I read the book, my brain was on high alert. Sometimes I had to reread pages in order to ensure I caught every reference and clue. I could have watched this movie while playing Zork on my laptop and I wouldn't have missed a thing. That is sad.

An adventure game filled with puzzles that played a major role in the novel. How did they forget that the movie should include puzzles? They had all of the hints they could possibly need.

I am still shocked that they didn't even bother to put a puzzle or "Easter eggs" into the final credits. That detail truly showed that the creators of this movie had no understanding of or passion for the novel.

The second ingredient of the successful novel was amusing pop culture references from the 1970s and 1980s. I was worried they would try to modernize too many of these. Surprisingly, that wasn't the problem at all. Instead they used the wrong pop culture references from these decades. Without spoiling the book or movie, War Games plays a major role in the novel. The movie replaces this with... The Shining. WTF?

They replaced a classic teenage 80s movie about solving puzzles with a deep and psychologically terrifying horror movie? They did so much to update the references for today's 13 year olds and then they toss in The Shining? That was a horrible choice (even though The Shining does contain many puzzles... they don't even bother ot use them in this film). If they wanted a movie with more action, there were a plethora of 1980s classic action movies to choose from. Here are some that would have made much more sense:

Red Dawn
Escape From New York
Die Hard
Aliens
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Mad Max: Thunderdome
Predator

I think a puzzle involving this scene would have fit so much better in the movie.

All of the scenes involving Dungeons and Dragons, Joust, War Games, Monty Python and The Holy Grail, and Pac-Man (I could go on but I hope many of you will still read the book and I don't want to spoil anything )are all gone. Some are replaced with... a car race. I have to admit, the car race did look cool. So if you don't care about the book you might like that. But if they really wanted to include a car race, they could have easily made it lead up to one of the challenges actually in the book. They had plenty of time to do both.

I saw this movie in a Dolby Theater, which makes everything better (except Red Sparrow), so please note that my opinion about the special effects is positively biased by that fact.

The movie does a fine job with the action sequences. There are plenty and they look very cool... when they in the Oasis. Basically everything that happens in the "real" world is a stupid waste of time. However, when the characters are in the Oasis, their avatars, vehicles and weapons are awesome. The only problem is that they purposely look like video game graphics so at some points I felt like I was just watching the cut scenes of my son's X-Box One games. They just happen to be the coolest cut scenes I have ever seen. These battles were the only reason I feel the movie wasn't a complete waste of time.

The action looks like a video game... but a really cool one.

As far as the characters go, the movie is so short (for a movie based on a novel) that I didn't feel like I knew any of them. If I hadn't read the book, I don't think I would have cared about a single one of them. They would have been just like the hollow avatars they use in the Oasis.

The plot involving the heroes trying to save the "real" world while winning the game is brought up in the movie... I guess. I think they were trying to save the world but I can't be sure if I know that because I just watched the movie or because I read the book multiple times. I have to reiterate here that everything that happens in the "real" world is a silly waste of time.

Normally this is where I would mention something about the actors' performances. But in this case, who cares? The only interesting things that happen take place when they are all cartoons. The voices were all fine. They neither added to nor detracted from the movie.

My 13 year old son hated this movie. He has read the book more times than I have. Although he and I prepared ourselves for the worst and lowered our expectations as much as we could, he didn't lower his enough. During the movie, he was very frustrated by the changes made to the tasks required to earn the keys. He could not figure out why some were changed at all. He turned to me several times and said, "I did not like that. This is bad." After the movie, he told me, "That is the first time a movie has ever been worse than I expected." (And he even loved The Hobbit trilogy.)

Even teenage Groots get pissy. But I think my son is justified in this one.

Perhaps part of that is because he is an angsty teen now and not everything is happy puppy dogs and ice-cream anymore. He may be looking for reasons to get pissed. In this case, he found one. To him, this creative team ruined one of his favorite books.

Even though I am nowhere near as upset as my son, neither of us can figure out how they got this movie so wrong.

This movie should have been a 13 yard field goal. Instead Lucy yanked the football away and it landed flat on its back.

I need to get this taste out of my mouth. Time to go read the book again.

Geeky Dad's Movie Guide

Number of times I fell asleep: 0
Number of eye rolls: 3 (This could have been higher. Everything in the real world is stupid.)
Number of face palms: 1 (See above)
Number of times my kid asked to go to the bathroom or get food out of sheer boredom: 0
Number of times I checked steemit: 0
Did my kid like it: No!!!!! (But yours might if they have never read the book.)
Would I see it without my kids: I will never watch it again but I had to see it once.
Full price/Matinee/Rental/Free/Not worth the time: Free (Perhaps matinee if you have never read the book. You might be entertained if you are a blank slate.)

Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

*Before I go, I really need to stress how disappointed I am that the ending credits were not an "Easter Egg" hunt. That would have fit the book so perfectly. It was a complete no-brainier. That fact alone shows just how badly they missed when they made this movie. It was incredibly lazy when it should have been sensational.