RELATIONSHIP TIPS ; AFTER A BREAK-UP, WHAT IS NEXT?!

The pain from a heartbreak or a break-up is worse than most medical conditions because you cannot with a medical approach take away the causative factor that could alleviate one from such pain. These factors are usually truly unrecognizable no matter how hard one tries to know why a beautiful love relationship would be cut short before the hopes of the nuptial ceremony and the marriage thereafter are realised.

Irrespective of how long the relationship lasted, whether it was six months or six years, the level of pain felt is unbearable especially for people who had once shared their dreams, visions,affection and life together.

All of a sudden it seems all their hopes are dashed. The memory of the separation and the thought of related things can be close to traumatic. These people feel broken, dejected and see themselves as failures.

You probably are reading this and are feeling I'm talking to you or perhaps you know someone who needs help because they're at this very point. Here are some of my thoughts on how to get over a broken or failed relationship.

1) Accept It:

Many a time, some of us do not want to accept the reality of a breakup. We tend to still cling to the mirage of what was and act as if we're still in a relationship that has already been called off. We still hope and believe that maybe he/she was joking or wasn't in the right frame of mind when they said what they said and called off the relationship.

This is equivalent to trying to convince yourself that what you see in broad daylight with your two eyes open is taking place in a dream. Why complicate issues for yourself? Wake up my dear and face the reality in your life . When one says to you it's over, it is actually over except that individual wants to keep milking you emotionally, physically or sexually. It is painful, yes, I know but except they come back and take back what they said in a repentant attitude, don't keep yourself floating in daydreams. The earlier you accept the reality on ground, the better for you and the faster your healing.

2) Let it Out:

Yes, let all of it out. Let out the pains, the tears, the anger and the frustrations, the doubts, the so many questions etc. But you should let them all go into the right ears, someone who is not only willing to listen and encourage you with the right words but more importantly a godly person who you are accountable to, one who has his/her words graced and seasoned with the wisdom of God. These are the kind of persons who will help you come out of such times stronger and better.

Usually I counsel that you pour it all out to God first.. Lay before Him and tell Him how you feel and what you're thinking. Ask Him for help, and then because God strongly recommends counsellors, go talk to someone who has the wisdom to serve you with the right words. >Being secretive and locked up about it only keeps you behind the terrors of a heartbreak.

If you want to remain secretive, then even to pray about it and get directions will eventually be difficult. The same way the eye is the window of the soul, the mouth is the chimney of the heart (Matthew 12:34). Talk to good friends who will not run you down or plant bitterness in you against the other person. At such times, talk with those who will strengthen you and pray for you (James 5:16a).

3) Don't Give Up on Yourself:

No, not at all. Don't even think that probably he/she left you because you have a problem or because you do not look great. Do not degrade yourself by concluding that he or she was right in abandoning you because you're not rich enough or you're not romantic enough and what have you. All that will make you see your self less than you really are.

I have found that the more serious one was with their ex, the more identity crisis one experiences after a breakup. This somehow explains why some people hold back in a relationship thinking that if it doesn't end in marriage, it would be that they didn't invest too much. This ought not to be for God's children, especially when you didn't get into the relationship because getting into a relationship was the -in-thing to do.

Let me just remind you that we get into a "love relationship' as a result of waiting on God (that is, by following the directions of God) who makes all things beautiful in His time. So dear, do not give up on getting your right partner. Learn from the relationship that just ended and be grateful to God because all things will work together for your good.

4) Be Slow About Getting into Another Relationship:

More often than not, many people after leaving a relationship, rush to get into another one. For many of these persons it's as a result of being emotionally depleted and bankrupt of self esteem. They define their worth and happiness by an emotional attachment with someone else. This is a very unhealthy type of addiction.

Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

You can be alone and yet you're not lonely. Hooking up so fast after a breakup isn't smart. Some do it to get back at their ex while some others do it out of desperation, and so thrust themselves into even worse emotional disasters. Here's my counsel: Do not get into a relationship too quickly. Rather take a chill pill for sometime. Examine yourself and get to learn what God would have you learn, and to a good extent, understand why things happened the way they did. Doing this will help you a lot if you are the one who was heartbroken.

On the other hand, if you were the one who called off the relationship, I hope you were kind enough to communicate your decision with respect, clarity and closure. No one deserves to be ill-treated and deliberately inflicted with pain, no matter what.

5) Forgive, Forget and Let Go:

Some say they forgave their ex but would not forget because it's really difficult to. But that's the best thing to do even if some of you reading this may not agree. Truth is, yes it was so painful what happened to you. But to experience love again and in a much better form, one has to let go completely of such heartbreak and the grievance.

You'll find that you're not just being kind to the person who hurt you when you do this, you're actually helping yourself in a great way. To experience and enjoy true love, there has to be an environment in your heart of true forgiveness.

True forgiveness is forgiveness that is so profuse that it has the ability to erase the hurtful memory of the incident. That's what we call forgiving and forgetting. Do not keep malice or grudges or take revenge. No, there's no use . Allow friendship exist but keep it very casual and at a distance, so you don't fall back into the feelings and emotions of the past. Reconciliation requires forgiveness but it does not require closeness.

6) Do the Things You Love:

Engage yourself in the things that bring out the shine in your life. Whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you feel refreshed and youthful, these are the things you should stay busy doing. Do things that are way out of the normal routine for you. Take out time to enjoy the life that God has given you. Explore noble things outside what you're already used to. Get to laugh and when you have laughed, laugh some more. Watch comedies, read and listen to healthy jokes and spend time being with good people who have a great sense of humour.

Laughter helps to heal you emotionally and physically. One of the things you should cultivate as a habit this period, is staying in the Word of God. Make it a point of duty to know what God's Word says about you. Find out what He says about marriage.

God is love, The words of God are the words of Love.

Know what Love is saying about you. Get over the failure of your past relationship. God knows best and He didn't take a break in loving you. He still does love you so much. He's still writing your love story and it will come out beautiful.

You're the next in line for an amazing and adorable relationship which will translate into marriage. People will love and envy what God will do in your life, trust me.

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I Remain @thelovejunkie, Your Steemit Love Coach With A Difference a.k.a Love Doctor

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