Perspective on pain

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We all experience pain often in our lives. Pain that overwhelms. Pain that is sometimes just too much to bear. Most of the times such pain is the result of life just happening. Sometimes we mess up and cause it ourselves. Sometimes it is the result of someone intentionally trying to cause us harm. Often we get hurt because of the negligence of others. Whatever the reason, we all experience pain and I want to share two perspectives with you that may help you.

Getting better

You may be told that the pain of trauma will become less over time. I do not think this is true. Whatever caused your pain, I do not think there comes a time when it is okay that it happened. And I do not think the kind of oblivion that alcohol or denial provides is healthy on any level.

So if the pain does not go away, what do we do?

I think the longer we live with our pain the better we become at it. We do not get rid of the pain. We become stronger! It feels as if the pain is less but it is the same pain. You are stronger. It is like going to a gym. The weights do not become lighter the more you exercise.

The best response to your pain is to face it. To feel it. Again and again. Do not run away from it. Do not deny it. Do not try to drown it. Own it. And you will become better and stronger.

Describe it

Trauma is pain that is not controlled. It will pop up and overwhelm you at unexpected times, often when it is the last thing you need at that moment. Coping with other challenges will become even more difficult. Let me explain it in this way.

Your mind is like a big filing system with all your knowledge, experience and thoughts filed away in a way that enables you to access them when you want to or need to. Admittedly, some people's filing systems are more effective than others', especially at exam time. 😁

However, when you experience a trauma of some kind, this becomes something that is not filed correctly. As a result, you access this memory at unexpected times. Sometimes it will pop up at very inconvenient times, just when you are under pressure to access another file.

You file it by talking about it, by finding words to describe it. This does not take away the pain but gives you the ability to control when and how you access it. Finding words to describe what happened helps you to gain healthier perspectives that you control on what happened. Most of us tend to clam up when we are in pain. It is the unhealthiest response you can show and it is guaranteed to cause you further problems.

It does not matter who you speak to as long as they allow you to do all the talking. I do not gain nearly as much perspective by listening to someone else as I do by listening to my own voice. Journalling may be a great help in finding words to describe your experience but even then I recommend that you read it out loud to yourself.

Find words. Tell someone or your journal. Listen to your own voice. It is as simple as that.

Don't be unwise! Don't pretend you are OK. Do the work you need to do. Pain will not go away by itself.

Any helpful comments to this post will be rewarded to the best of my ability.

@reonlouw

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