I Lost My Identity? Or Did I?

in #motherhood3 years ago

I was a teacher. I did the college thing, got the job, taught for a few years, got pregnant, stopped teaching. From age 7- college I wanted to teach. It was almost disgusting how much I talked about lesson plans, classroom setup, books, pencils, markers…the whole shebang. All I thought about was teaching. Sure the idea of being a mom was fun ,but not nearly as all consuming as being a teacher.

Boy, was I in for a rude awakening when I became a stay at home mom.

Don’t get me wrong, being a stay at home mom has beautiful moments. Crafts, playgrounds, play dates, grocery runs, dance parties, cooking classes, epically failing at Mario Kart. But, I would be lying if I didn’t include the tantrums, the crying by the boys and myself, and the constant “ Mommy , Mama!”

This is not a bash on being a stay at home mom. Rather it’s an open book, honest telling of my successes, failures and redefining me.

It only took me 3 years to find a makeup that made me feel pretty again and bow headbands to make me feel sassy again. Maybe, just maybe the ‘bo’ in boy mom, or rather the bow in boy mom is really who I am. God knows I need some remolding. Without the structure a classroom once provided, I kind of feel like a hot mess.

I lost my identity when I became a mom. Or did I? You are along for the ride of finding that answer with me !
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I can totally relate to you. I was teaching college and then moved cross country. Found out I was pregnant and ended up being a stay at home mom while I finish up my current degree. I definitely feel like I lost my identity somewhere in between all the bottles and diapers. I hate my body and don't feel like my old self yet. Maybe when i return to the working world again I'll find my former self but until then I've got bottles to wash.

Maybe in all of the bottles and diapers our identity evolves and becomes more complex- going from the life of having to care only about ourselves to one where our identity has wrinkles and grooves and dents and shiny spots and more people to love - all formed by the path it took to get us where we are? Or maybe there are just more diapers to be changed for now... ;)

I am trying to enjoy the wrinkles I know were caused by chaos and beauty. Its a perspective shift for sure.

It really can be a struggle. I find myself longing for my old self some days and then realize how much I have changed. The good with the bad. Its a limbo I am trying to accept. What did you teach in college?

Okay, don't mind doing so, as long as you have not shot them, or fed them to the local cougar.

Congratulations @theboinboymom, you have decided to take the next big step with your first post! The Steem Network Team wishes you a great time among this awesome community.


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Can’t wait to see what your journey has in store- an inspiration to all parents out there to pour your heart into your family while showing them who you are, your identity. Followed and resteemed!

Thanks you! I'm hoping to hit some heart strings of others that are in the trenches.

nice family.