Motherhood

When I had my children I decided I wanted to give up work permanently and bring them up myself. In 6 years i've had 3 children and raised them with a little help from the nursery down the road. My partner and I lead a relatively simple life and our lifestyle doesn't demand that I go back to work to pay the bills. I'm very lucky.

I was on a very long and convoluted journey before I reached this stage in my life. Being quite academic I was urged to go University. I achieved a good degree but then struggled for years trying to decide which career path to take. Eventually I ended up in a highly stressful sales job . I was very well paid and enjoyed an extravagant lifestyle. However, after a few years I started suffering from stress which develped into anxiety and panic disorder. Eventually I had a breakdown. This coincided with my Fathers fight with terminal cancer. Just before he died my Father told me to stop living a lie and be true to myself. Soon afterwards, I gave up my job and worked in a hospital as a healthcare assistant. I found it very cathartic and I now realise it was like therapy for me and I was undoing all the stress i'd built up over the years. I couldn't have been further from my previous job in sales. I was looking after elderly patients, many of them dying, and each moment I cared for them was sacred and special.

For the next year or so I toyed with several other jobs until eventually I fell pregnant with my first child. Suddenly it all fell into place. I loved being a Mum. I fully immersed myself into playgroups and the local community of young Mums. I enjoyed cooking, nesting, baking and gardening. I used to wonder why any woman would ever choose anything else. I never had that Sunday night feeling of dread, or terrible knots in my stomach as the alarm went off at 6am on a dark frosty morning. My stress levels were always manageable. Each day ended with a feeling of fullfillment and contentment. The washing was done, all the children were fed and clean and the dishwasher was buzzing.

This contentment lasted a couple of years. Living quite simply, but with the joy of a young family was all I needed for a while, but slowly the frustration began to creep in. I craved financial independance and the extravagant lifestyle i'd once lived seemed appealing again.

I'm now trying to build up a life for myself outside of being a Mum. I've started college and hope to be able to start a business of my own one day. I'm sure it will be another long journey but i've realised how our passions are constantly shifting depending on our needs at that time....and that's ok.