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RE: 16 Days of Literature: One wholesale unit of Blood please

in #microfiction5 years ago (edited)

Ahhh i love these! The structure, the way they kinda tie together, and the single story they can combine to paint <3
The 50 words and 100 words also tying the number into the story, had me puzzling on how you might have hidden 250 in the first one!

250:
This is a great little story, it's concise, and carries easily. You ease the reveal in slowly, so that instead of a wham-bam twist, its a slow build, where the reader wonders more and more. The real crux, the beauty in this one, is the unwritten, the space between the lines, and this is something I say to people from time to time, and can often mean that a story lacked conclusion, or something to give it a definitive edge, but that is not the case at all here, you have really nailed the snapshot, so as not to leave the reader cursing you for a cropped image, but wondering about the rest of the world, what has led to this state of affairs, where blood is so cheap, where did walmart get it, a lot of reflections on the value of life, the way its viewed as a commodity by some, and for something as life saving as blood to be sold at the supermarket. You could've used the tag speculative-fiction for this. The way that Bob is expecting the blood, clearly, he is waiting for it, but then, seeing it all there in front of him, and his reaction, as though he thought the would be fine, but seeing it all, the reality. There is a lot of philosophy in these 250 words, not written, but evoked <3

100:
on it's own - this is just a really sweet story, and painted in full color with your beautiful description

melting to puddles of ooze

there is again a wealth of implication, but a lot more of the familiar and domestic. Stand alone, these feel like an elderly couple, a well established relationship, grown with room for each other, and accommodating affection
but! If these stories are in the same world... and the items on sale are blood, so very cheap, it completely changes this so beautifully, what was a sweet story takes a wicked twist, as this woman is so blase about the cheap price of blood, while her husband balked at the world he now lives in. Also changes how the characters feel, suddenly they seem younger, and Fred's reaction becomes that to the wider world, what had seemed amusing, becomes thought provoking depending on the setting. Skill that is ;)

50:
on it's own - a tale of mystery and speculation! What are they selling, why have they had this rush, what is going on? with plenty of room for personal projection, i wonder, i would love to see what ten or fifteen different people thought was going on. Could it be money laundering - only on the books? Could it be fraudulent sales? or just a brilliant boom?
but connected. well it is just the perfect final bit here, the woman, making all these sales, the rate they are going out, confirming should the price of blood go up, is it really supposed to be this cheap, we are shifting a lot of it... getting more...

These three kinda come together to create a naturally feeling vampire world, without you ever saying it. Bob - the vampire with a conscious who orders the blood and feels bad about it when he sees how much arrives, Carl - the realist vampire, already adjusted to the new world and keen to find his place in the new supply chain, Fred - a relic from another age who finds the lack of value on life incomprehensible and the modern world beyond him, Margaret - a modern vampire all to used to the constantly changing world around her, having sheltered her husband (yep, they can be married, just decided :p) and finally Sherry - a remaining human, who really should be more concerned at the amount of blood they are selling!

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UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for philosophizing mój Ukochany! Indeed, I made it possible to see them all connected despite making it possible to read them alone (semi-self-consistency, where they can be stronger together and even more independent/individual as such with growing interdependency). Of course, the 250 may just be hidden to only the title and presupposed as the number of wholesale unit of bloods in the truck~

Indeed, I was aiming for a Speculative Fiction / SFF type of story in a still Capitalist World. Of course with the environment still continuing on without the two despite both participating in such. I’m glad yah seen what I jotted down here and the loss of temporality as NeoLiberalism comes crashing in to even the Unconscious notions of the individual actors that help create the environment all around them. Of course, I was shooting for a more warehouse-Hospital æsthetic but I did wanted to paint a Vampire undertone as yah mentioned later.

Hey~ Good yah kept in mind the semi-self-consistency and how all flow into each other while being independent (or interdependency of all of them in this post). Definitely when yah connect them altogether, everything gets repainted and looking like the emergency of another step in the NeoLiberal World we live in. Definitely showcasing the power of NeoLiberal atemporality.

Indeed, I am wondering what other people would say here since this is as atemporal as it gets despite being so anchored and being found in many people’s life. To go to the interdependency, it makes total sense for the connection and would paint something more awry and sinister than one could do admit.
Also, they are married and will watch it when available~

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I love your well-thought-out comment, @calluna!

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