ME TOO: My story & thoughts on sexual harassment & rape.
Today has been a deeply upsetting and disturbing day for me. When I went online I first saw several women changing their Facebook statuses to stand up together against sexual harassment and abuse. Absolutely wonderful. Then I saw a post from someone which stated that people are too sensitive and they should simply "shake it off" she also states that harassment and rape happens every day in the animal world and its a natural biological response. I tried to ignore it and move forward with my day but I have since seen similar conversations happening in many of the mom groups I am part of. I've seen tons of women fighting about the severity of sexual harassment and rape. I am completely disgusted and feel like I could cry that this is the world we currently live in.
I have been cat called more times than I can count, sexually harassed once again more times than I can count, stalked, followed home multiple times and raped twice. This is not ok and I am not some special case. These happen to women everyday all over the world. It's not a biological response and it's not something to simply shake off! We can not continue to allow these things to happen and sit by silently! It's time to stand up and share our stories and stand together. I know a lot of women feel powerless when these things happen. I know because I was one of them. I even blamed myself countless times for other people's actions. But no more. It's time to share our stories and stand strong together against these awful acts.
When I was living in Hollywood I had my power taken from me in more ways than one on many occasions. Yes I was a party girl and yes I dressed in tiny clothes and paraded myself up and down the boulevard so every time someone cat called or followed me down the road or grabbed my ass I just shut my mouth and blamed myself because of course I was asking for it right!?.... But was I? NO! HELL NO! I am actually pretty sure I said no to all of them loud and clear. I remember screaming no a lot actually. One night really sticks out to me. I went out drinking with some friends met a cute guy started flirting as girls do. My friends wanted to leave early and I wasn't ready to head back so I stayed and continued to flirt with this cute guy. I was wearing a black tank top, jeans, my favorite lace up combat boots and a zip up sweatshirt. Nothing scandalous, not that it really even matters if I were naked, anyways I found myself in the bathroom with him, cornered. My girlfriends and I tended to use the men's restroom when I went to bars because there were no lines. I guess he saw me go into the men's restroom and followed me in. He then proceeded to violently rape me. No one came to help. I left badly bruised and bloody and still no one said anything to me.
I do not share this for people to feel badly for me. I share a piece of my story to open up the conversation with more women. Stop hiding your stories and start telling them! I also want to address the other issue we have here... Girl on girl hate. Even if it hasn't happened directly to you I guarantee some degree of this has happened to a woman you know and love so let's stop blaming and dismissing such a serious matter and start coming together to lift one another up. Who better to support us then our fellow sisters. Together we are stronger.
You are so POWERFUL and I am so in awe of how your voice has developed over the years we have shared together. Thank you so much for being a light for other women and addressing this issue as you have. I know how much you hesitated to speak and how years ago it was hard for you to even talk about.
However now you've turned your life experiences into positive insights and lessons to empower others. You are in full power when you stand up and speak up ladies. This healing is dismissing guilt, shame and responsibility for other peoples actions. Men need to know there is no hiding from this behavior and to be called out! Know that other men do not accept this and that it is the most cowardly thing to do to take away a woman's freedom and power.
Thank you for sharing this post. This is just one of the reasons I continue to feel blessed and deeply in love with you. 💚💯
Once again your comment and support has brought me to tears! Your words of encouragement mean the world to me! Thank you so much! I hope more women start sharing their stories and taking their power back!
#metoo
I'm so sorry you experienced something so horrific as rape, and I'm sorry for the pain it continues to cause you even today. I know you're not seeking sympathy, but as a human being I can't help but feel sorry and have empathy for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you complete healing and every happiness. One love.
This is a serious issue, but the bottom line is having consent and voluntary interaction between humans. No consent and not voluntary? Then it is wrong. I woke up to a girl having sex with me once. She didn't have my permission, and I certainly didn't want to have sex with her. Was that rape?
As a guy I've had my ass grabbed and pinched too, and women have "cat called" me as well. One woman purposefully dropped a pencil near me while I was sitting, so she could lean down to pick it up. As she did, she put her hand on my inner thigh to balance herself. I complained to the company managers, and they laughed.
I do not share those things to take away from what you shared or the horrors you experienced. It's just that this problem does happen to everyone. There are a lot of predators unfortunately, and it isn't just adult to adult either. There are a lot of pedos and other sick people out there. What do we do?
It reminds me about how police forces don't care about rapes and investigate drug crimes instead. That makes sense when you look at the money. There's no money in finding rapists. The opposite is true for drug arrests. That's one reason I am disgusted by the idea that agents of the government will protect people.
It's also one reason I became a PI.
College campuses are the worst by the way, as you probably know, for women. Colleges have their own police forces for many reasons of course, but I believe one of the primary reasons is damage control. By having their own police, they can cover things up nicely. When I was at UMBC in the 1990's I reported a problem I had in a bathroom once, and the police didn't do anything about it. They were probably ordered to ignore it.
The bathrooms on campus were sketching for men, so I cannot imagine how dangerous they were for women. If I had been there as a woman, I wouldn't have dared going into a restroom without a gang of friends with me for protection. It was that out of control.
Anyway, this is way too long, but this issue is definitely a very important one to me. I too am constantly having to correct people when they say or write things like, "Oh, she was asking for it by the way she dressed." Uhm, eff no. She could have been naked and asleep, and you still don't have consent, asshole! Why is this concept so difficult to understand? It is really sickening that we still have to explain such things to so many people.
Thanks for posting about your experiences. The more people talk about these things, the more we can correct the backward thinking most people have about sexual crimes. It takes a lot of courage to share these stories too, and I applaud the people who do. Fighting back is what warriors do, and the last I checked women are warriors as well as men.
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100% behind you Jamie. Upped & resteemed all the way :)
Thank you so much! This means a lot to me! Both the cause and the support! Now let's hope more women start coming forward and reclaiming their power!
I am heartbroken that you and other women have to put up with this. There is no excuse.
I stand with you in living with the intent and actions that result in a world where this is not a normal thing that women must endure.
No there is no excuse! Thank you for standing with me and all the women who have experienced sexual harassment and rape!
I glad you spoke out about this. It takes courageous people to make a change in things.
Thank you so much! 😍
Jamie thank you for speaking up. I was one of those to post on Facebook "me too" and of course my mom saw it and asked me when. I told countless times at work I was verbally harassed and assaulted once at a party. And even just last month I went on a trip to the coast with my sister. And a man we had met the previous evening, an officer no less, met with us at a bar the next evening and tried to kiss me. No permission, nothing! We need to start speaking up and NO MORE VICTIM SHAMING!
Yes Marie! This problem is way bigger than anyone realizes and its time that we all come together speak up and share with the world just how big of an issue it is! No means no! Thank you for sharing with me!
Nice post jamie