Making Ginger Bread-Person Christmas Cookies The Old Fashioned Way ~ NQSFW* ~ Original Photography, And Medium-Long Discussion About Cookie Dough Dynamics ~

Merry Merry Very Merry Christmas, And To All A GOOD NIGHT!!!

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A Time Like No Other

The week leading up to Christmas is always a busy, hectic, yet very fun time of year for me. Running about like the proverbial chicken, finishing up everything that should have been done weeks before yesterday, and getting ready for the BIG day.

And one of the best parts of this whole shebang, and something that actually qualifies as an early present received before the 25th of December, is the advent of Small Ginger People Left On The Front Porch day.

Everyone Should Have A Friend With A Recipe Book And An Oven

My good friend Don and his girlfriend create these wondrous masterpieces every year. Hand-crafted ginger bread cookies in the shape of little folk. They bake them for all their friends, and just about everyone in town knows about them, and looks forward to them with confectionery gusto, even if they don't get any.

And my bakery friends are very sneaky. They don't announce the arrival of the treat ahead of time. This all happens at the least of expected times.

Head out the front door to get the mail or chase a cat, and there they are. Stacked up like cookie cord-wood on their very own special little paper plate out on the front stoop. Staring up at you with their beady little wrinkled, currant eyes through the red and green transparent cello wrapping, in all their anthropomorphic glory.

The Finest Kind

Everyone involved with this Holiday reception looks forward to this ALL year long, with reckless Christmas abandon and UN-checked glee. They are that good. Real ginger, with all kinds of other Secret Holiday Ingredients that I am fully UN-aware of, but certainly do appreciate once I bite their little heads off and continue on down to the last crumb, sometimes before the plate even hits the kitchen counter.

Actually, there IS a truly proper way to eat these little dough-people snacks. The correct technique is to start eating at the arm or leg, then work on in from there. I realize there is no true manual out in the gastronomical world for this sort of thing, but it all makes perfect sense, if you take the time to just sit down and think about it.

This derives from a rather standard adage of life: Always start small, and work up to the good stuff at the very last. It's a lot like the sport of bowling. Why get early strikes, when you can WOW everyone at the end with a massive, pin-dropping comeback, with all double XX's penned into those odd little boxes?

One thing you must remember when taking your first bite of these cookies, is to make sure to turn them over, before you launch into eating. Otherwise, they stare up at you in their sad, doomed, doughy way, as if to plead “Hey, don't eat me! My friends on the next plate over look a WHOLE lot more scrumptious."

Nah...just flip them over, and ruthlessly munch away.

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"Oh Dear"

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The Kama Sutra Of Confectionary

And this year, as you can see, even MORE dough has been selectively added to our cookies than in previous installments. The cookie creators' decided to model realistic, anatomically correct male and female ginger people of the flour-based variety for us. With all the bits and parts pretty much where they're supposed to be. A tad lumpy and miss-shaped maybe, but still, mostly present and accounted for.

PLEASE NOTE: I made sure I properly displayed them on this site, as to not cause UN-toward difficulties at home or in the office, in deference to those uncomfortable with too much nakedness in their holiday snack items.

And as such, you can't see ALL of them. So you'll just have to trust me on this. Those little doobers, daybob's and the "other such" are all there and accounted for. And for some reason, this seems to make them even harder to eat.

Not only do they have eyes, and navels to mess about with your mind, but now, whenever I take a bite towards the privates, it causes a slight pain in the Chestnuts. Oh well, nothing like a good taste-treat to help one get over the difficult times of life. This year's batch didn't last long, that's for sure.

It Looked So Good On Paper

I enjoyed these cookies so much this year, I've hatched a Grand Plan for the future. Since I can't sit out on the porch all year and wait for next December's delivery, major deep-thinking has come into play. I need to make MORE cookies. Lot's and lot's and lot's of more cookies.

Hence, the last two left on the plate were spared their usual fate, and have received their own special place in the house. A corner where it is quiet and warm with no distractions, nice suggestive music, and whatever else I can dream up, that small cookie-people might need, in the realm of proper 'mood creation.'

If my timing is right, and I've correctly read the Reporte-Bisquite' de Biologique on the Internet, I should have a whole bunch more Christmas cookies to munch on by Valentines day.

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Surfin' the Bandana Sheets

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So, Let's Get Busy With It, Little Ginger People!!

I'll keep you posted.

~Finto~

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*NQSFW -- Not Quite Safe For Work

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_{Poste Script: I've recently read that man-nipples, even on cookies, are now OK on the Internet. So I think we're alright here.}

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Please UPVOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW if you enjoy my works.

And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more...

_{Posted: 12/23/2017}

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Thanks for stopping in and viewing the wondrous art of cookie making. If you have any thoughts about Christmas surprises, NQSFW Posts, "make n' cookies", fun Christmas rituals, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.

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Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat