@eriluks where do I start? I have quite a few years on you, yet you brought up a lot I have gone through. To be truthful it does not go away so but it can be managed. I have been dealing with depression my entire life. Stemming from what? That does not matter, it is what you are going through at the moment. The past can only hold you back, one must deal with what they are feeling in the "here and now".

At an early age I learned to self medicate (alcohol & drugs), which almost killed me. Some semblance of proper thinking finally led me to seeking help at a young age (26). In my heart of hearts I knew I did not have long to live unless I sought help. The route I was on was not working, so what the heck maybe finding another way would be okay.

I been off drugs and alcohol for over 38 years now, and when anti-depressants improved I went on them and finally stayed on them. In the early days of trying medication it had too many side effects. I had coped with anxiety and panic attacks, but could deal with life in spite of it, until recent years. I now take medications for that as well.

Through it all I was able to get through undergraduate school and then graduate school, and build a great career. In the early days I was always broke, but in time things changed for the better. There are still rough patches as we walk the road through this life, but I have tools, support system, and medication to aid me.

As I got older I reached the point that I could self-actualize and did not worry about what others thought. I learned to be "real", at least to myself. I happen to pursue a career in rehabilitation and as time went on I learned to be open about what I have been through in life. It aided me in my work, and I used my intuition to know when it was okay to share and when it wasn't okay. Too many people have no clue what it is like to deal with this. And, there are too many people that are in the early stages of learning to deal with it.

In my work I was amazed at the number of people who had the same diagnosis. Some were not honest with themselves, while others were. Now that I am cutting back on my career I maintain a part time job working with youth (14 - 24), and most have some degree of depression, anxiety, and even panic attacks, along with other disabilities. This I will continue even as I cut back on my business.

I know this is long, but hope you can gain a little from it. Trust assured I will be sending you positive thoughts.

Thank you for your post. In sharing a little of me and my life's journey, it helps me. Take care @eriluks. Always be true to yourself!