A Story About Panic, With a Message of Peace

Hey Steemers,

I had a strange experience this past weekend. For the first time in quite the while, I had a full blown panic attack. These are rare for me, and I was pretty god damn terrified. I want to use this post to reflect on the events that precipitated it, as well as my following reaction.

I was at an event at a friend's home, surrounded by a crowd of humans. Some of these people I knew and loved, others I was meeting for the first time. It was a raucous, ridiculous, and hilarious night- meaning that I was having a great time, until I wasn't. The party continued until late, which is a trigger for my early bird self. Exhaustion established itself in my bones, bringing anxiety along as its roommate.

I took a walk around the block to try and calm myself down, knowing that I felt strange and off and needed to decompress away from the group. Regardless, I went to bed earlier than most in a particularly vulnerable state. The noise raged on on the floor below me, and I became more and more worked up. All of a sudden, it felt as if the breath had left my body and my heart had been nominated to chase it away. My pulse raced and my stomach ached, and I was alone.

I went downstairs to subtly grab my boyfriend, to tell him that I was getting out of there and going home. He came upstairs and tried to talk to me about what was going on. I started to sob. He got me to breath, talk, and laugh, and I fell asleep in his arms. We've been together a year, known each other for four, and I love that man with all I've got. But that was the first time I'd let him see me like that, and I've never felt more exposed.

He saw jagged breaths and violent sobs, and held me regardless. He heard words that didn't make sense, felt me attempt to push him away, and stayed anyway. As hard as it is to do, both parties benefit when someone asks for help. Giving and receiving are two halves of the most beautiful whole. Asking allows us to receive exactly what we need; giving is a physical manifestation of connection between people.

My thoughts following this experience are as follows. Get to know your body and mind well enough to know their triggers. Respond to taxing situations by taking mindful care of yourself. Reach out and voice your needs. You hold the power to cultivate beauty and comfort in your inhabited space.