From a slave to a master chapter # 49 - A prime principle in Relationships, the Inner voice

A Memoir

It would be impossible to detail all the “right things” which outline appropriate behavior in relationships with other human beings. It is very easy to describe what not to do. For instance, it would be inappropriate to follow advises from books entitled: “How to make women run after you”. At the end of the day, each individual has to listen to their inner voice that serves as the best guide for proper conducts in life.

Credit: Russian tattoo artist Lena Lu

There is a common yet false thinking that that inner voice is mostly silent and one must exercise quiet meditation or other mind-body exercises to make it float and be heard. Many people underestimate their own abilities and say: “I am no longer connected to my inner voice…I do not have special psychic skills at all…there is no way I could hear what my inner guidance wants to tell me”. The truth, however, is great to the contrary: we do indeed know very well how to behave and the inner voice is sometimes extremely loud and noisy. The problem lies in our willingness to listen.

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I will now prove to each and every one of you, the readers, that you can indeed and do indeed listen to your own inner voice.

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If someone tried to convince you to grab a kitchen knife and kill someone else your probable reaction would be extreme shock combined with an immediate rejection of that someone’ request. You would react like that because “something” within you guides you not to murder your fellow human-being. That “something” is your inner voice and in that example, it was very loud. That inner voice would also stop you from beating the neighbor’s kid who makes noise beneath your bedroom window while you try to sleep. It is true that this time your inner voice doesn’t shock you like it did in the murder example but still there is a mental block within you that stops you from using violence to solve problems.

When you are involved in a relationship the inner voice does not go away. Evidently, it comes to your aid many times a day but your doubts and fears sometimes impede you from listening to it. The inner voice would stop you from cheating on your spouse; it would guide you to express your love toward her/him even more in the difficult times of the relationship; it would encourage you not to compromise on the love that you deserve to have; it would push you to never give up on yourself; AND, your inner voice would also take the second seat, patiently waiting, each time you decided not to listen to it and acted against its guidance.

The inner voice is that famous moment of realization when you finally gain important insight about a certain event in your life: “A-Ha, now I know why I went through that experience”. You know to hold yourself from killing another human being and just as well you know very well how to behave in the more delicate situations of life. You would be surprised to hear that the challenge is NOT to be able to hear your inner voice but to implement its soft suggestions that very often subordinate themselves to a fearful and doubtful mind. The good news is that in time, as you perfect yourself in tuning to your inner voice, you befriend so intensely with that inner guidance that at times it looks as if you have an invisible private angel in your head.

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There is a prime guiding rule in a relationship that I would like to share with you here and now.

This rule is beneficial in every situation, in any relationship that you may find yourself in. Every person must observe and explore their private beliefs about reality and alter those beliefs that no longer serve them. Changing your old ways of life and conduct might leave you, temporarily, with no idea of the proper ways to behave. On the one hand you are no longer willing to be led by fears, doubts, struggles and dualistic perspective of others and on the other hand, no one has given you yet the new book of rules to follow. In time and with the close initiation of your inner voice you will develop your own guidelines.

There is one prime principle that if followed will bring clearness and rewards. That principle states quite simply: "Do to your lover what you wish they would do to you; Treat them in the same way you wished they would treat you; And the sooner the better!” (Incidentally, that prime principle is, to my opinion, the appropriate meaning of the religious order to 'turn the other cheek').

Let’s examine a few episodes:

You have just begun a relationship with a new guy. You gave him your phone number, he gave you his and you really want that he will call you. In fact, you liked him so much that you already planned in your head all the beautiful moments that you two would spend together. But there is one problem still – he doesn’t call. Following that prime principle means that it is futile to bite your own fingernails while waiting next to the phone. Call him first and show interest in him just as you would want him to show toward you. The benefit in acting like that is outstanding – if the guy is interested in you to the same extent that you are interested in him, then it would be a wonderful beginning to a loving relationship, and if on that call, you feel that he doesn’t share your enthusiasm then you will at least know it now and not, say, in a month time.

[For those of you who announce - “There is no way on earth that I would call a guy first. A man always has to court a girl. I will remain passive and let him prove himself to be worthy of my love” - I can emphatically say now that you still have not learned the ego lessons and your beliefs are still well rooted within the duality.]

Let’s examine another episode in which you have had a girlfriend for several years now. Everything is ok except you wished she showed more enthusiasm and commitment to your future plans. You wished she decided that you are the man of her dreams and that she would want to remain with you forever. Scolding her for failing to do so will not help. Rather, you better start by giving her the same feeling of security and confidence that you wished she gave to you. Your ego might scream and shout, rebelling against doing such a frightening act before you are certain of her intentions. But remember that you are the master of your world so tell your ego to relax. Would you prefer to remain in the stagnant status you are currently experiencing? Would you not prefer to know exactly if your girlfriend sees a future to you together?! Indeed, you might end up with a big frustration and a break-up, but at least you would know exactly on which ground you stand. You took your life into your hands; you followed your inner voice; therefore, be certain that your inner guidance will remain by your side, now more than ever before.