From a slave to a master chapter # 38 - Creating and enhancing our self-esteem
A Memoir
The fastest and most efficient way to increase the self-esteem is by instant knowing of who we really are.
A claim can be made that each of us is a perfect organ of creation whose purity and grandness equals God’s. We can further insist that all human beings come from the same origin and that we are Gods also no matter how that term is perceived. Logical arguments and mystical stories can be used to strengthen those claims and much more, but regardless how much is said and what is done to you by others, it will never be enough because one must know and experience one's self-value first hand without mediators.
credit: Refik Anadol
Increasing self-esteem is perhaps the greatest challenge that individuals face nowadays. We manage to survive (more or less), to provide for ourselves and for our families, to create moments of joy with friends, loved ones and alone, but still there are instants when our spirit is down; when the depression gets a grip on us and it seems that we cannot find the way out.
As far as my romantic love-life is concerned I easily realized, from the tart, that the loneliness and the depression that sometimes flooded my being came from a vague sensation of helplessness. It seemed back then that my life was beyond my control and there was nothing that I could do to create my dream-lover. In such times not only that I felt little, useless, and unlovable but such emotions were also conveyed to my surroundings.
Working on our self-esteem is a never-ending journey and it can be divided into two periods. At first, we absorb from the outer reality the awareness of ourselves. As children, we are fed by our parents’, teachers’ and friends’ opinions about us, and by the feedback we receive for our behavior. At this stage, our self-esteem is dependent on others. Slowly the scales swing to the opposite side. That happens when we get tired with the cumbersome task to sustain our popularity and so we look for another source to nourish the feeling of selfhood. That new source begins to speak to us from within and tells us “everything is all right”, “no need to worry”, and most important that “we are loved exactly as we are”.
The point of time in which that shifting moment, from external feeding to internal nourishment, arrives differs for every human being. Some do not choose that to happen for their whole life and rather prefer to bath in other’s love for them. Others begin looking for that hidden source as soon as they become aware of themselves and they don’t rest until it is found. Whatever the case may be, this issue, like everything, is a question of choice that cannot be avoided.
So, what to do?
There are several specific patterns of behavior, things to do if you will, that can significantly enhance one’s self-understanding and to upraise oneself in the eyes of the surrounding people. It is vital to remember that self-esteem does not change overnight! I am talking about a continuous process, which when started creates a circular motif of support-doing ness-good feeling-support and so on.
Here is what you can do to increase your self-esteem:
- Give to others – go and volunteer. Do something for others without expecting to receive something in return. It will be better if you act for a purpose that you identify with and preferably something that is not controversial among the general public. But again, what is important here is your good feeling about what you do. Follow your heart in searching for a place to volunteer at. If you feel that you want to make the world a better place to be, find an organization that supports your goals and offer it your help. 99% of such organizations will accept your free offer with open arms so you don’t need to fear of being rejected. You can also initiate your own private enterprise of action. That is, if you simply want to do something for your community think of an initiative that you feel good about and do it. Make sure you do your volunteering job regularly, steadily, despite what others may say or comment. Give from your heart, once a week or more, and the change will come fast. You will feel it!
credit: Cuban artist Liset Castillo
- Verbal affirmations - It’s high time you stopped scolding yourself and saw who you really are. Such self-scolding happens, usually, when you are in the company of other people and something that was not planned happens due to something you did or were unaware of. Then, in order to take preventive steps against expected criticism you mock yourself: “….oh, what a bad driver I am….hahaha”…..or: “I am so stupid forgetting to close the window…..”.
Self-scolding can also happen when you are alone with yourself. You run the day events through your mind and then, for some strange reason, you only remember the incidents in which you were not doing so well (according to your judgment of yourself). You focus on those occurrences and analyze them well enough until you feel exhausted by the intensity of the bad emotions that overflow you.
Stop doing that! And if you still think that you are such a bad person and really cannot find any good affirmations towards yourself, then fake it. Yes! Do it as an exercise and once a day, for ten minutes just praise yourself, compliment yourself or just bath in the warm water of your greatness and purity. Faking or not, the results will appear quickly.
How do you practically do that? Simply alter your sentences from negative to positive. For instance, the sentence: “I am a poor sales-person; nobody wants to buy what I market”, change to – “well done for the efforts I make and the energy I put into my job. They surely appreciate my ability to handle these complex challenges”.
The rule of thumb that you can adopt here is simple: speak to yourself as if you would be speaking to God if he knocked on your door, asked to spend a nice evening in your company over a cup of tea.
One comment about affirmations – they cannot create. Some people use verbal positive affirmations to affect their outer reality and to create things and situations (like: “I will have the money to buy a new car”; “Donna is in love with me. She will ask me out next week”). However, verbal affirmations do not carry enough energy to bring to this reality the blueprints of people’s wishes and so, most often, those people get discouraged and totally refrain from further use of affirmations. You now know better – use affirmations to support your self-esteem. For creating, use tools that you already know and others of which I will discuss in further articles.
credit: New Hyperrealistic Sculptures by Ron Mueck
- The last suggestion that I will give here to enhance your self-esteem is the use of art. Identify any artistic field that you may be interested in, either theoretical (like writing), or practical (like dancing, playing, sculpting) and make it a focal point of your action. Such involvement in doingness that deviates from your regular activity will create within you, at first, the feeling that you are unique and special and later will connect you with deep layers of creativity that reside within your essence wherefrom true self-worth emerges.
All in all, working on your self-esteem will take you giant steps forward on your way to yourself and ultimately to your realization. The homework that you were given here to do is crucial and is not just theoretical information to reflect upon. Decide now to choose one of those three ways and act upon it. If you already do one of them and feel that your self-esteem is not as high as you feel it should or can be, pick another way and act upon it.
