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In Recent Years I have been increasingly exploring a detached way of interacting with life

So I want to write this piece on what it means, and what I have opened up to by being detached.

It started when I came to perceive and accept that I was suffering a lot, I became motivated to do spiritual practice and to think about the underlying causes of my unhappiness.

Detachment

This one word kept coming back, and it seemed to actually resonate with me quite a lot. Immediately both intuitively and logically it made sense to me.

The textbook explanation is that if we become attached to things being one particular way, or things staying a certain way - then it naturally follows that we will suffer. Because life is change, it is going against the laws of the universe. So this is the teaching of the Buddha and so many other masters. It means that we can bypass all of that suffering by holding things very lightly and not minding so much how things turn out.

My friend Melissa once said that she was going to start a Zen Hair Salon after cutting my hair with some kitchen scissors. That way if anyone was unsatisfied with the result, we could simply remind them to not be so attached to a particular outcome 😂

Where I went wrong Initially

Was in misunderstanding what detachment really meant, I thought of it as a withdrawal from the world. But really there's is nothing to say that we can't be deeply involved with life and remain detached. There is a deeper truth that spiritual understanding does actually mean a deeper connection to life, in whatever form it takes. What I initially misunderstood was thinking that I was justified in ignoring my conversation with life, instead just retreating into my thoughts.

Spirituality should never be a justification for being negligent of our worldly duties, but it can be a way to empower ourselves to do those duties on a whole new level.

We can be attached to having or being a certain thing, but we can also be attached to not being and not having a certain thing. It can always be played both ways, and I want to talk a bit about this in particular.

Being OK With Things Exactly As They Are

Including the fact that most of us live quite a materialistic life, and that is the starting point for our spiritual journey. Is it even realistic to abandon everything and become a monk? It is even necessary? Intuitively I say no, we can become highly realized beings right here - even if right here is in a city which doesn't seem conducive to such a thing.

This seems like a very relevant realm of exploration for many spiritually inclined people, who might be of a mindset that certain luxuries and pleasures of life are wrong to enjoy. It is actually not so at all, all things are innocent in a sense - it is our judgement that makes them moralistic. This is currently something I am resolving in myself as I come into more and more abundance. I went through a lot of scarcity while I struggled with a moralistic view of wealth and possessions, yet when I learned to let it go then things began to become much more abundant.

Of course the guidelines of spiritual paths are there for a reason. The practice of self denial and discipline has taught me a lot. The identity that we mistake ourselves for is fundamentally insatiable in it's desires. To indulge this desire seeking is to go down a never ending path. The detached way of life recognizes this, and sets aside time to just be, while also being OK with the egos natural tendency to want more and occasionally going with it.

We can actually use the ego to our advantage by following this tendency. If the mind will never be satisfied with what is, then it can be temporarily silenced through its striving for greater things. In a relative way we may never get there, but some amazing and transformative things can happen just through the striving. The urge in its self is pure, the urge to be limitless. This is our remembrance of our true nature, and it calls us back home.

• Can we be so detached that we allow ourselves to become fully involved with the muck of life?

• Can we be detached enough to take a wild ride with the ego, all the while knowing that we are not that ego?

My experience has shown me that we can partake in whatever life offers and still remain clean. It depends on our intentions and attitude. We can bring a spiritual quality to any activity of life by not having any expectations. This could be eating breakfast, running a business, making love, or fighting someone. Of course this doesn't mean I am reckless with my decisions, I still choose to pursue a relatively quiet life with enough space for contemplation and meditation. And I am realistic enough to know that allowing chaos into my life will disturb a delicate balance.

Still I strive for more and more okayness with the chaos of life, if I am not this identity then can it really disturb me?

What I have found is that denying my desires did a lot more harm than accepting and allowing them. In allowing them, I can also allow myself to pursue them in a way that is detached and doesn't compromise my integrity, or to just observe the desire and let it pass without my attention feeding into it.

If I deny my desires I live in a state of inner conflict. Better to not deny anything, because that is a form of attachment where I need something to be a certain way. This is a tricky concept to embody and it fooled me countless times until I realised that pretty much everything will flip flop back the other way. It's more just a matter of not needing anything to be anything, and allowing ourselves to be happy and grateful for how things are right now.

It's a series of mind games in the end. I think the key takeaway from being detached is knowing that the dialogue in my head is not actually real, and at any point I can choose to just smile and ignore it.

That is true empowerment if you ask me