The Prologue: Part Four

 It was now nearing close to our wedding and I was now unemployed, highly stressed, anxious, and depressed. At least everything was organized. The date was set for October 31st, 2015, Halloween!  It was nice to have left the office environment; my experience had certainly put me off that environment for good. My anxiety had subsided for the time being, but I still felt down as I felt again that I had failed.  I kept myself busy and tried to just focus on preparing to get married and enjoy the day.

Our wedding day really was fantastic. I was extremely anxious and quiet in the car ride there. I am not one to be up in front of people speaking, let alone wearing an elaborate gown and professing my love while doing so and not looking or sounding like an idiot. It truly was such a surreal feeling to exchange vows and rings.  We celebrated with friends and family into the evening and from that night on, we became Mr. and Mrs.I jumped straight back into some part time work, but the job was just completely not me and so I found what I thought to be a fantastic job in turn. I was ecstatic to have found a job back into hospitality. Unfortunately for reasons I still don’t quite understand, (and will put down to the universe redirecting me) I didn’t get to keep that job. With this roller-coaster ride of employment and unemployment, it was giving me panic attacks.I needed to take control of my mental health as I was just spiralling downwards. The depression from losing a job really took its toll on me, and I felt completely useless. I buried myself in books and tried to just spend each day not crying my eyes out or wanting to kill myself. It sounds pathetic, but when you have depression and you already feel like shit for no reason, having a heavy load like that really was another tipping point. My mind wouldn’t stop hating on me all day every day and I could barely function most days.

So now it comes to the present and I am about five weeks into therapy and have had a doctor tailor my natural supplements for my needs. These natural tonics taste like ass, but overall I think are assisting in a positive way. I am hoping it isn’t a permanent thing, but will see how it goes for now. Therapy is certainly interesting, and once getting past the feel of privacy invasion and learning it will always be a one-sided conversation (where they know all about you, but you none of them) it’s pretty eye opening. I am practicing mindfulness also, and for unrelated ethical reasons have aspired to a vegan lifestyle.  I am hoping to start getting creative again in craft and be able to have an active shop, but for now, I am focusing on blogging my journey day to day though my mental health, and how I manage it.  But for now, goodnight readers!
D.Photo credit: Jo Wickham Photography.