I tend to say that I am either angry or I am normal and anger keeps me from sad, I am aware of it but I don't ponder it as it is just how I have taught myself to be. It is a choice. I also understand that to remove sad you need to remove joy, I think anger and indifference replace those two. It may sound very robotic and even extreme which it is not, I am just very aware that anger is my goto. It is how I don't deal with things in a way.

You know how when you are speaking to someone utterly infuriating and you are trying to at least have them acknowledge your point but they keep doing whatever it is? So you resign yourself to calmly just keep the discussion going and you find that actually no matter how taboo it gets that it does not phase you? You are not offended or triggered by the topic and with that you can keep the discussion going with indifference to how you feel about the topic, but what you are controlling is being angry at how they are acting so you are avoiding going ad hominem on their asses... It makes sense in my head lol, how I can be indifferent and yet have rage.

True a lot of how I am and how I still try to actively model myself is to do with upbringing, so nurture over nature I would say.

Yip, there is only up.