Day 525: 5 Minute Freewrite: Friday - Prompt: deep space

in #marchmadness5 years ago

Remote. Alienated. Estranged. Lost.



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That was my normal feeling entering the doors of Truman High, but with Jenny missing, I felt it more viscerally.

Mindy and I eventually fell asleep on Jenny’s bed and woke before Mom did in the morning. Thank Toby for that. I’d gotten the poor neglected outdoor dog housebroken in record time. Now three dogs saw us off--Ted, Toby, and Bozo--as Mindy and I were hauled away in the yellow school bus. Mom put an orange hunting jacket on Toby first, just in case anyone should recognize him as the dog formerly owned and abused by Ken Feckers.

Ty Chrystie smiled at me as I opened my locker. “So. I hear you got an especially cruel and unusual punishment for bringing Alicia Angel to her knees.”

I blinked at him. “Do tell.”

“The Snow Ball!” He pointed at a poster advertising the holiday dance, never again to be called a Christmas party.

“Your point is?”

Ty’s speckled face drew down into a frown. “Jeeze. You really did black out in Mr. Cook’s office, didn’t you?” He waited for a response, but I had none. “I heard him before he shut the door. Instead of getting a suspension, which for you is a free pass to get out of school, he said you’d have to attend the school dance.”

I shook my head. “No way. It’s like Homecoming, with the lockdown. Once you go in, there’s no getting out until the dance ends at midnight. I kid you not. That’s not a party; that’s incarceration.”

“Aunt Velma says I have to go. I don’t wanna go if you don’t go.”

I got the books I wanted and shut the locker door. “Ask Breanna.”

My gaze traveled the hallway in search of Ethan. He’d been so enthralled with Lexi, he forgot I existed.

“Breanna said she’ll go if you go, and not as anyone’s date. A lot of girls do that, I guess.”

There. I caught sight of Ethan, smiling down at cute little Lexi. Stupid Ethan!

Behind Ethan, I spotted one of the Jenny posters he had taped to a door.

“Ty. It's nice of you to think of me." Mom had drilled me to be polite, even if she hadn't curbed my violent impulses. "I’m on a mission to track down a weird Catholic guy Jenny mentioned in her diary. And a woman who works at Hooters. Mom and Dad keep telling me I can’t have the car, so I’m stuck. But I was thinking I could pass as a boy, and we could go there for the cheeseburgers some night after school.”

“Or just Grandpa and I could go.”

“You wouldn’t know what questions to ask.” I didn’t like how much he sounded like a parent. “Sara Lacey hasn’t gotten back to me yet on anything. The more time goes on, the harder it is to find clues, and the deeper Jenny goes into deep space.”

Ty brightened at that. “You doubt my portal theory. You distrust physics.”

“Naturally.”

Just as naturally, Ty managed to bring up the mysteries of deep space over lunch. Outer space is a nebulous term, he was saying: "out there somewhere” could be close to home, within the solar system, within sight, but deep space feels very very far away--a falling off the edges of the map. I was back to sets of knowns and unknowns and it made me angry. I hated the not-knowing of anything, from the answer on a test to the whereabouts of my sister.

On the way back to class, I drifted toward Dale Zubrod. A wicked idea had come to mind when I caught him leering at Lexi’s cute little backside wiggling up the cafeteria stairs. I leaned up to his ear. “She likes you,” I said in my best imitation of mean-girl confidential. “She’s only putting the moves on Ethan in hopes you’ll notice her and try to win her away from him.” He scowled at me. “Don’t believe it? Try asking her to the Snow Ball.”

“She’s going with Frasier.”

“Not if you ask her, she isn’t. Try it. You’ll see.”

I sprinted off to Mrs. Schaffer’s room and her morbid Emily Dickinson poems and depressing stuff like Ode to a Grecian Urn, where Keats goes on about lively maidens dancing in ancient clay though they've been dead for thousands of years. I hated poetry almost as much as I hated Shakespeare. Math was so underestimated, so undervalued, so beautiful, so pure, so true. There. I waxed poetic! Maybe.

Bert Russell said it better though. Ok, Bertrand. Hey. I often thought of dead writers as my best friends. Bertrand Russell (1872-1970). The math-loving atheist who aid math has "supreme beauty," like that of the Grecian Urn that had Keats in such a snit. Pure mathematics, "capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."

When the last bell rang, Ethan was staring at his locker as if it were his beloved grandma’s tombstone. I couldn’t resist. I punched him in the arm. “Hey.”

“Hey.” His eyes didn’t light up for me like they did before Lexi came along.

Eh. Let him grieve a while. He’d get his head on straight again sooner or later.

I smiled all the way to the bus.


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Check Out The @FreeWriteHouse Prompt Of The Day By @MarianneWest


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Bertrand Russell AND Ethan! yummy. Go Kris!

Oh I love it that you love Russell and math and Ethan too!!!!!

I feel like you're writing it just for me! I think I missed Rosary Guy. Do you remember what the prompt was for that one?

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Well done, @carolkean. You managed to build a world, develop characters and conflict, and create suspense, all in one short piece.

Thank you Jayna!!
Now to take to heart @wakeupkitty's reminder that not everyone will agree with you. Most people will not find it interesting. I don't aspire to appeal to millions - a single reader is to be treaured. Thanks again. :)

Hi carolkean,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Remote. Alienated. Estranged. Lost.

My favorite rule, the rule of four. Coming in full force and hitting hard with the reader, taking the center stage of along with the foto (photo) below to give us the abstraction of the post. Especially with a title of "deep space" factoring all in, there's a story to be unraveled here.

La foto (The photo): I just like to make a small pit stop since this is the second thing the reader gets hit with. Already I can feel the tragic romance story eminating hard through, especially helping how androgynous the central figure (presumed student is). Of course I checked the foto source, but in terms of stereotyping of genders this pretty much allows people to self-insert and relive a sad memory to then understand the tone and mood of the post. Also helps that it's school, no reason I mention that; absolutely none; not like older kids, sorry teenagers, can have emotional crises of their own. Can they? Who knows, I wasn't a teenager I just skipped between the ages!~

Reacción (Reaction): Now I must say that I had to use more than my fingers and use my toes to count how many small tragedies or misfortune this character, narrator that is also a character (presumed male), just finds himself in. Had to bust out my toes, poor babies never see the light of keeping count of things. Otherwise, this really is really an up lifting story that things can change for the better. Or maybe me being such a Void/sociopathic creature really made me not see what kind of story was being weaved along here. Oh well, at least Betrand Russell the philosopher was mentioned and I can go home feeling the story was a good one even though I don't want to be reminded of my years-fresh memories of high school and how silly some of those event really where. Then again, I might just be a silly ole clown anyways, I have had made people laugh at times when I thought they shouldn't laugh and then make them laugh when I thought they should. But then again, probably the voice and attitude I carry overrides my content... I should try making them laugh by sounding like a bird... Hmm... Oj! What about this post in connection to clowns? I dunno, maybe the smile at the end tipped me off way to much. Eh, probably had estranged myself from the post and now I really don't know where to go from here but say congratulations on the @curie upvote... I guess? I dunno, it looks green and white and it's shiny as well. It looks cute as well <3 :*3

So keep on writing and happy steeming!~

Your response to one chapter of a story is a story in and of itself. You "being such a Void/sociopathic creature really made me not see what kind of story was being weaved along here. Oh well, at least Betrand Russell the philosopher was mentioned and I can go home feeling the story was a good one even though I don't want to be reminded of my years-fresh memories of high school and how silly some of those event really where." LOL! The silly little tragedies of our adolescence build perspective. We get jobs, pay our bills, become parents ourselves, and suddenly that embarrassing event in middle school would be SO EASY to handle, if only we'd known then what we know now. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Welcome for the comment! ~^^~
Well, I can explain it - drunk theory. But nie, I do actually agree as it was meant to totally react and I do get carried away somehow writing a story in there somehow. Not because of blind luck, but because I think these mental follies too much and forget to remember them as follies.
But yeah, I totally agree there. We go through the motions of life, we remember that itty bitty memory and through the course of so many life experiences and we just say we didn't knew what we were doing. And yeah, the aftermath of that folly of wanting to fix it is what you said: if we only had known better.
Thanks for providing the story once again!!!!~

Actually I think The Snow Ball has a nice ring to it :)

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