Cruel Love..

When I feel empty, lonely, hopeless, there is no spirit of life motivation. I pray to God to bring someone a woman who can eliminate the void, the loneliness, can be the hope, the spirit and the motivation of my life. God is all-heard, All-wise Lord granted my prayer and sent a beautiful woman parasnya, good behavior around me.

My name is Farhan Syahputra. But my friends call me Han more often. I am a 2nd semester student majoring in computer science at UNJ Jakarta. Yes during one year of college I experienced a flurry of unfavorable love. Previously I was LDR (Long Distance Relationship) or could be spotted long-distance courtship with my boyfriend or now can be called my ex-partner in semester 1 and had time to connect again but failed. I feel lonely feeling empty in the crowd. Need a substitute figure to arouse my hope and my college spirit and life for sure.

God is listening and granting my prayers. God send someone good and beautiful look. At the beginning of the 3rd semester precisely in the day Propti or University Ospek. I did intentionally sign up to become one of KOMDIS (Disciplinary Commission). Yes this is the beginning I met him. Vanny Rider is a new student with the same department. At first there was no more feeling. But after we were together in the same organization for 3 months we started to get along with each other. I am in dire need of a substitute figure to awaken my spirits. I feel comfortable with him. Is this a reply from one of my prayers asking to be sent that person.



Akirnya one day I ventured. "My father is in front of kak, we are tomorrow ya chatting hehehe" said Vanny. "Oh yes I do not papa also want to go home, I want to be in front of it" I replied. "Yes already let's hehehe" he replied.

After we walked down the stairs one by one and until a hallway was seen his father who was in the car had picked him which is 50 meters away. "I inter sampe here aja ya" I replied. "Yeah kak not papa, thanks yaa" Vanny replied. After he has walked 5 steps away I do not know there is a word that says "you want to be my girlfriend is not Van?" I replied. He immediately turned around and paused. But I immediately turned to leave him and said "it's way there already waiting for your father" I said. We both immediately left the place.

The next day as usual after college lecture schedule finished me directly to the secretariat or Student Association HIMIKOM (Computer Science Student Association). Yes I met Vanny and he came up to me. I took him chatting in a comfortable, quiet and peaceful (do not mes * m ya hehehe). Suddenly he said "kak if the sendainya I do not accept brother, what all changed" asked Vanny. "All will not change I will be friendly, both with you and your friends, because I am kind, friendly like this not because I just chasing your love" I replied.
"If god love requests within 3 minutes from now, what sister ask for" Ask Vanny. "May God give me a chance to be able to have, keep loving and singing a woman named Vanny Rider" I replied.
After I answered that he changed the subject of our chat, at that moment I felt my heart pounding, emerged a sense of self-concern and question. Did he refuse me ?. But I do not want to see the look of the face I try to cover with pleasure and a fake smile.

And time has shown at 4 pm. I have to hurry for tutoring. "I go first yes want to tutoring" I said. "Yes I already in the first secret until the father picks up" Vanny replied. While I was chatting to him I accidentally made a car from the paper and the hope Vanny was asking I wrote down there. I just put it in my pocket for a toy.

Arriving at the place tutoring I went directly to praying to pray. After the worship I saw the paper cars that I made and without realizing there was a reading other than my wishes. The inscription reads "And God gives that opportunity now to you" and there is a signature named Vanny. I did not expect and still do not believe it.

At that time my phone rang and I see a message from Vanny. "The spirit of tutoring" I feel like flying and excited. I reply to make sure "yes thanks yes, now we are dating?" I replied. "I've already written the answer on the piece of paper you made" Vanny replied. "After I read the message I felt happy and flowery and felt this heart bright and endless pleasure. It was amazing, my life changed like a flower garden that experienced a long drought and finally washed down by a very heavy rain so the flowers were blooming again. All the activities that I do it feels done with happy, cheerful and feels very excited. Got attention, affection, love from the figure of a woman other than the mother who had long missed finally came. Gratitude is endless to God.

Our first month was dating all right. All feel better, we are more familiar and comfortable with each other. In the second month our dating still felt fine and there was no problem between us. Our communication both directly and indirectly is no problem. Suddenly in the middle of the third month we were dating. His nature changed, I felt there was boredom in him, the attention given to me also seemed different from usual. But I ignored my feelings. I just think positive, "maybe he was bored" in my heart said. But after a while I felt that his attitude was completely changed. Usually he replied to me from this quick message even I have to wait for hours. Yes I still think positively "maybe he is indeed busy" in my heart said.

.....

And finally on the 26th of March at 13:43 he told me I wanted to talk on the phone. But I've guessed if this is the end of our relationship, but I just think that this is not the end of everything. Drrrrtrtrtrtr my phone rings. "Haloo" I replied. "Hallo" Vanny replied. "What do you want to say Van?" I asked. "I do not want to ramble, I just point it out, I'm more comfortable we do not have a bond, I want us to break up and back like before we have a bond" Vanny replied. I can only be silent and unable to hold back my tears. "Yes it's emang emang it's your decision, I can not resist, yes than impose love is not good, like my promise all my attitude never change with you and your friends" I replied with a sob.
"I also will not change my attitude to you" he said. I could no longer hold back the tears, I ended the call between me and him. I felt that the flowered flower garden had drought again and finally the flowers in the garden were dying from the drought. I feel the slowness of the seconds ticking into minutes and minutes running into hours. It all seemed long. Sadly for sure, every now and then my tears falling metes I can not hold it. Everything I think has vanished. Everything I had planned with her had vanished. Finally the odd semester break has ended. It is time for an even semester course in the new school year to begin. I can not forget him for always meeting him.

2 months from me broke up with her I still feel lonely and upset. But I realized that all that I experienced was a destiny and a temptation from God. Love does not decide hope, but instead gives hope. Love is not making despair, but instead giving despair. That love is not making me weak, but it makes us strong for this ordeal. Yes I have to rise, to pursue the ideals of the future and make my parents happy. But after I got up from the slump I felt that all the promises made by him were all just lies, our relationship after breaking up was like an enemy. Is this so-called love, severing the ropes of friendship and making enmity in the event of a failure in relationships. What a cruel love, if only I knew what would happen due to the failure of love, I would never want to feel love. Yes at first I'm angry but yes never mind that time answer.

I felt sad again when I saw with my own eyes that he had been with the others. It was cruel, pain in the chest when I heard the reason for breaking up with me, but he betrayed it all. It feels really like to tear it, be mad at her, hate her. Disappeared all my love for him for his behavior. But when I feel it all, I realize it will not change if fire is fired. Remembering my promise to her I would not change her attitude, her behavior. I realized that then let it pass, the wound must have healed.

After a long time I buried anger at him but all the anger was gone and I began to realize this is not the end of everything, do not let this problem become hostility. And I feel happy after a long time I do not see a smile on his face, finally I can see his smile back. Yes even though it is shared with others. How happy to see loved ones happily loved and loved by the right people. I had felt a brief moment with him and now I feel his disappointment and hatred. But one thing I never hate with him but I hate the separation. I feel disappointed but I realize I should not be disappointed walaupin reality does not fit the plan, I realize God's plan is more perfect. Perfect love will come without being planned. I once prayed for God to send a woman to accompany and give hope and motivation and god grant. But I forgot to pray to be able to have it forever so now she goes with the others ..