The Day-to-Days - The struggles of a Heartbreak

in #lovelast year

Unfortunately, we've all been there. A relationship.

Everything is good. A house, new prospects. Happiness. This would be the person you were going to marry. And then boom. It's over.

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The fights, the quarrels and all the disagreements took it's toll. It is for the better, you keep telling yourself. It was just not meant to be. All the amazing heights, also had great downers. Just this time around, the downer did not come back up - even though you expected it. Because in the end, we always make up, right?

This time around, it didn't.

But that's barely even the beginning of the pain.

You're both are trying to stay strong.

See what's best for you to properly get out of this situation without too many bumps in the road. In the end, you'd prefer to stay civil because that person in general means/meant so much for you.

You can be angry, sad, normal. In my case, it generally switches between those things. Out of experience, when the first few weeks pass, things turn out to be alright.

But I guess I was wrong.

When you feel like you've been there for the other one, it's not a given they'll do the same for you in this period of time. When they call you up crying, you want to talk to them. When they text you with how bad they are doing, all you want to do is show up and a plate of food to make them feel a bit better. When they have an emotional breakdown, you dig deep in your heart to say all the nice things that things will work out fine, how wonderful of a soul they are and that this pain is just temporary.

But people are selfish. After they have gotten the comfort out of you, people put their eyeflaps on and go. And literally, they run as fast as they can. Your effort of making things civil, trying to talk, is rejected. It triggers the feeling of being ignored and unheard also takes it's toll. You get angry. Frustrated. You scream louder, harsher, meaner, only for the other person to finally turn around, something that might trigger them and walk back to you, acknowledge you - even if it's in a negative way. You're craving for acknowledgement. But it turns out they simply do not even want to understand you.

Rejected.

I never realised what it felt like to feel so left alone in the cold, neglected almost. So ignored by the person who has always been telling you how much they love you, how much they care for you, how they can't lose you, begging you to stay. They were your family. But it turns out - they were not. And it's a fucking hard hit in the face when you feel like they've only been there for their happiness and couldn't care less about your state. How does a person stir up that attitude and behaviour to treat you like this? Especially when they have claimed to love you so much, only a few days ago. Every piece of your heart is in doubt. You lose trust in them. In every word they have to say. Then, in anyone. In the future. In people.

Then, when they leave you a heartfelt note, you feel like they finally have acknowledged you. It looks like it's turning in the right direction again. Not even the direction of a relationship. Just a civil direction in where you can properly and clearly communicate about all the arrangements which still need to be done - dividing stuff, sorting finances etc. They acknowledge how they haven't been there for you. How much they regret everything that has happened. Their situation their doubts. You want to give back. You feel sort of warm again, you want to thank then. Because at last, they finally see you. They hear you.

Then, that same person who you thought would at least give some shit about you, decided to coldly turn around and walk away. Again. They have now acknowledged how they have treated you, it felt optimistic. But no, with all of this said, they just decide to twist the knife 90 degrees and push a little harder into your heart. Because they decided to act exactly the way they did before, if not worse.

You don't understand. You're confused. Why does this have to be so hard? Why do you make this so hard? When you approach for clarity. Something as simple as a question whether they would be stopping by home or not because honestly, you do not want to run into the anymore after all what has happened, you'll get the answer back, "Stop being obsessed with me."

You feel not entitled to your feelings. Because apparently everything that you feel, is uncalled for. You are wrong. Your feelings are wrong. Every little advance to wrap your head around things, is ignored and rejected. Insulted.

Why are we feeling like this? Why can't we just stop caring? Because they obviously have. They have stabbed, cut and jumped on your heart. They don't even deserve these tears anymore.

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Thank you for sharing this! Every person deals with breakups differently. And sadly, people think they know what is best for the other person too. The other person may think it will be easier for you to let go of him/her if they act like an ass... They may need to get away from the pushing and pulling to clear their own heads. This doesn't mean they don't care. This means that currently there are too many emotions around everywhere to stay sane. It may well be that after everyone "calmed down" the communication and love will return in a more friendly way. For now, hang in there... it is frustrating when someone doesn't deal with situations the way you would love them to. But wait until the dust has settled before you pin blame on it.

Thanks for your perspective. These are some wise words.

The other person may think it will be easier for you to let go of him/her if they act like an ass...

It feels like they are being more like an ass. This feels simply inhumane towards me. It feels like they're trying to kick a horse that's already dead - and that's not cool.

As much as I would like to believe you about clearing their heads, that's not really going to work if you keep numbing it with substances and people. At least have the decency to close this off properly before throwing yourself into other things.

I hope you are right. And I hope things will 'calm' down. But I have serious doubts. Honestly, I find it really hard to even think about forgiving them for this behaviour in the future.

I am not trying to blame anything, I felt I just needed to clear my head in this way, I guess. And write down how I feel things are going down for my perspective.

All rational behaviour goes overboard when you are overwhelmed with emotion. I wish I could take away a little bit of your frustration. All you can do is try to focus as much on yourself as possible right now. Pamper yourself! And also cry as much as you want! Get the love you need so much right now from just yourself (and friends and family). He/she will only be triggered right now by every interaction between you. And they proved not to turn out that well for your emotions... so stop triggering and be strong!
Did I hear Ben & Jerry's?

I wish I could take away a little bit of your frustration.

Ah, I wish that too!

And trust me, I am trying. I just feel like it's haunting me and it's messing up with my mood and health even.

Thank you so much for your words. It's nice to hear a different take on this. I will think on it. Some days (or parts of days) are better than others, so I hope the better ones will come back because I felt I've been spiralling for the last few..

And good idea. I could use some ice cream, greasy food and shitty movies.

Aw! tell me about girl! 🙄
Catch me and let’s chat soon
💜💜💜 UUU!

I found your brilliant words by accident and I have so much to say that I don’t know where to start first ......I was told that time heals all wounds. I’m not sure but I hope so!

I just listened to this song today

https://youtu.be/0_vUmvAXaWc

My heart is unexplainable.....playing some funny tricks on me.

Long story short. Some people are just not capable of intimacy and true love. Maybe they don’t feel they deserve it or they are scared to loose themselves in your arms.

Auf alle Fälle ist der Wurm drinnen und Du darfst nichts persönlich nehmen. Es ist ihr Problem, nicht Deines!

Let them behind you and wait what comes next....Patience! Give them space to think more about how it is without you. Then you maybe might fall out of love anyways or they will be back at some time you will be able to forgive. Never know .....life your life and find love inside you first of all

Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot to see you pop up here on the comment section <3

Maybe they don’t feel they deserve it or they are scared to loose themselves in your arms.

And maybe. Who knows. Let's see. I mean everybody has their quirks but I am pretty sure I have a lot to offer. However, after this, I am not sure if I will let myself all out ever again.

The lyrics are on spot, haha. Really do need an explanation of my own heart!

Let's see how it goes.. And indeed - only time will tell.

I will drop you a message.

Keep that heart open but well protected! You never know 😉

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:( . so sorry @sjennon

Thanks <3

Hit me in the feels, bb

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big love at you. sorry it sounds so shitty, but don't try to stop feeling! That would be the worst!.... I think maybe the ultimate goal is to love other people from afar anyway, with no expectations, no matter how little they give back, or even how much they try to hurt you. Look at how much pain we cause on a daily basis, to each other, to ourselves, to the planet. It doesn't make sense to grow cold, but rather, love ourselves even more despite our terrible flaws. Your love can heal you x x x x x x x x x

Too many feels suck!

I don't know. It does suck even worse when you love someone, but you're not 'allowed' to have any expectations back so it'll just be you and your feelings.

Your love can heal you

Thank you dear @basilmarples <3

Wow your post was brilliant and really resonated with me so much, thank you for sharing it. Yes, people are selfish and are looking to gain from others and love is a great way to get personal gain.

I totally get the pain of being rejected especially when you've been open and tried your best. It can really get to you but hopefully, you'll be stronger for it and learn from it, if you can.

I don't yet have the answer for it myself, I just know that I will always care for that person unconditionally and that I shouldn't expect anything in return. Love is giving not about receiving and perhaps we might not receive in the way we would like but it eventually comes back to us in ways we never thought of or so I keep telling myself.

Thanks for your comment!

I totally get the pain of being rejected especially when you've been open and tried your best. It can really get to you but hopefully, you'll be stronger for it and learn from it, if you can.

I really do hope so too. Right now, it feels like I'm just broken and ruined for life. Hopefully time will heal and make things better. I mean, it has to, right?

I felt the same way and some days are better than others. Don't force it, it will come with time, we all heal and deal with things at our own pace. I hope you will feel better soon! Wishing you all of the best

Thank you so much for the kind words. I am definitely looking forward to the future...

I'm sorry this happened to you. (I do remember the Sjennon support you gave back in the day.)

But that's the way human relationships are. Ephemeral like everything under the sun. Not even happy marriages end happily. It is at times like this when our skill at letting go is tested.

Take care.

Thanks for your comment.

It is at times like this when our skill at letting go is tested.

I do agree. It might be even easier to let go of a person. Just right now, I feel like it's hard to let go of what someone has done.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Posted using Partiko Android

Aw sweetie, just reading this now. The heart is so fragile, yet so strong. You are always entitled to your feelings, of course, but it's easy to think otherwise. Rejection is hard, breakups are hard, being human is hard. Love, even when it works out, can be the most brutal thing in the world.

But I'm sending you lots of love, right now. And I hope the sting has gotten easier over the past month. Big hugs and healing to your amazing, wonderful heart.

Thank you for your beautiful message. And I agree with all of those.

Things have been better for sure. I moved out and have my own beautiful place now, so that's been helping a lot!

I hope to meet you again in the future 🥰

Posted using Partiko Android

I'm so glad to hear things have gotten better. And YES! I'd love to meet you again sometime. You're a wonderful person, and I'm so glad to have spent a little bit of time with you at SF3. Keep being you! ((hugs))

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I completely missed out on this!!! I am sorry to read what you went through... With a month of perspective later, how are you feeling now?

Just found your post :(
I am really sad for you... How do you feel? Are you leaving Berlin to go back ' home ' ?
Take care @sjennon

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