The commandments of a happy family.

Many perceive the family figuratively as assembled in the same room people who are required to endure a common life, and ultimately endure each other. Often they do not think about the fact that the family is work on relationships, love, joint growth. It is the main mistake - the perception of loved ones "for granted" - that lies at the heart of conflicts, imbalance and family disintegration. Some kind of internal adaptation mechanism does not allow us to face the truth and begin to change something. And even better - to prevent the commission of the main mistakes of life together, slowly but surely destroying the family.

Family types
Modernity does not limit us to rigid boundaries when choosing a partner, lifestyle and roles in the family as it was 50, 100 years ago. Who will sit at home with the child, who will take responsibility and in what decisions, who will make money and whether the concepts of “head” and “child” will be in this family, now we have the right to choose for ourselves. But for a family to be harmonious and happy, it is important that each of its members is aware of its role, feel secure and accepted in these relationships. Therefore, it is important to speak. Agree on everything, and not naively believe that the other should guess about our desires and needs - no matter how sweet and pleasant it is in our fantasies, let's work with reality.

There are many classifications of the concept of family, but let us dwell on the most basic ones. There are three basic types of families in structure:

nuclear family (couple: husband, wife and their children or absence of children);
extended family (two or more adult generations);
single-parent family (children and one of the parents).
Depending on the type of family, roles and responsibilities are distributed in it. It is impossible to name some standard types of responsibility for each family member, they should be negotiated and applied by mutual agreement. Each relative should have correlated spheres of responsibility and influence in order to maintain a healthy balance of power in the community.

Families are also divided according to the criteria of power. It is here that it is important to understand that one whose opinion is mutually considered more significant should have more responsibility and responsibilities. So the types are:

matriarchal family;
patriarchal family;
egalitarian family (in which there is no conditional “head” and both spouses have an equal opinion; the most popular type in modern society).
The concept of monogamy as an occasion for quarrels
A popular problem in families is not pre-spoken or un-agreed concepts of fidelity. Each person perceives loyalty in his own way and has his own expectations from a partner in this field. So, for some, not every extramarital sex will be considered treason, as for another, flirting is already a betrayal. This is not to say that there is a “correct” formula for calculating fidelity. This is a matter of views and worldview, the coincidence of which is a solid foundation for a good marriage. But if the views are different, it is very important to seek a compromise. But is it possible to do this without an adequate constructive dialogue?

Relationships are polygamous and monogamous. At the same time, open polygamy is no longer so condemned in society and in the West is perceived by many as a norm and a choice option. Our society cannot yet be called so progressive and we are constrained by many conventions firmly seated in our heads. But this is not bad. Just remember that it is important to find someone who will share our views, and immediately outline the boundaries of what is permitted and the threshold of expectation.

Polygamy is also known to us from the traditional Islamic society. But in the modern world a woman can have several partners, and not just men. It is important that these relationships are open and acceptable to each of their participants.

Crises in families
Crisis is not just a beautiful word, but a term clearly defined in psychology. A crisis is, in simple words, a reassessment of values, "restructuring." It allows us to reach a new level and adapt to new, changing living conditions. In fact, there is more positive in it than negative, although it is painfully felt.

Crises both individually in the life of each person and individually in a family can be different, unique, and fall under different periods. Personal crises of two spouses, or a parent and a child, can coincide at the same time than create a crisis state in the relationship.

The commandments of a happy family
Only a high level of awareness and mutual efforts will save the family. You can’t pull everything on the same shoulders. Sometimes we move along different roads, “outgrow” each other, or encounter difficulties that we cannot pass together. This is sad, but at the same time, the realization that relationships are no longer worth saving opens up new opportunities and a path to a new life.

If there is mutual understanding and love in your marriage, let no difficulties shake high feelings and faith in each other in you. Work on relationships and develop them. Follow the 8 commandments for a healthy and happy family life.

1. Expectations will be heard only through dialogue. Speak
   Of course, in the book, the hero guesses every desire of a beautiful lover. He intuitively knows when she is cold, and when she wants peach ice cream at two in the morning. But only such beautiful fairy tales always end with just a kiss. In our multifaceted and eventful life, everything is different. We are people who have their own feelings, fears and expectations. And instead of waiting for another to guess your thought and pouting that this did not happen - just voice it. It’s much simpler to say: “I would like you to accompany me to work, and not just drop me off at the bus stop”, “I wait for you to wash the dishes while I do the laundry”, and not to save insult and then turn accumulated into a destructive conflict.

2. Do not accumulate discontent and do not tolerate resentment
   Yes, we are different and there will be conflicts. I would sometimes like to make a choice to “endure”, and not to express an insult, even unintentionally caused. But, as in the previous paragraph, it is important to talk about your feelings, and not to lay down one grudge against another. At a minimum, this is the development of relationships - when you change, change the ways of communication and interaction, take care of general comfort and satisfaction.

3. Be friends
   Outside of the standard roles of partners, it is important to maintain friendship. Passion passes, this is a known truth. But do not be afraid of it, it is not always bad and not always a loss. Only those who are not ready to fight for relationships, work on them, face the problem of burnout and cooling of feelings. Relationships are transforming and it’s wonderful. Go through this transformation together and you will find many new things!

4. Remember - we come from different families
   Many conflicts between husband and wife are born against the background of different views in everyday life, roles in the family, areas of responsibility, parenting and finances. It is these basic concepts that come to us from our childhood, are instilled in our families. It is important to remember that before you met your current spouse, you were also people and existed, with your experience and worldview. It is important not to forget this and try to smooth the corners. Everyone has the right to an opinion and in no case should one try to remake each other, impose his own.

The most correct thing in the “peak” moments is to agree to simply start first to study this or that sphere and come to how convenient it is for you, in your family, and not focus on the example of the older generation. But here measure and balance are important.

1. Crises will be
   In family life, crises occur constantly. These are our growth zones and walking them together is real real love. If each time we “run away” from a relationship when they are faced with a natural crisis, and then continue to search for the very ideal, we will never find it. Reality is difficulties and cyclicality. These are emotions and passion along with practicality and comfort.

2. Be a prop
   Each person is faced with difficulties, tragic moments in his life. And no matter how strong he is, at one point everyone needs support and understanding. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a man or a woman, a person needs support when the soil comes out under his feet. And we often become unbearable in times of crisis. But if you got married - you are a family, and it is the family that should be the support in such moments. This is the basis of acceptance and love.

See also: Seven generations in me: how to restore the power of the species

1. Sometimes it's worth watching a junk of fingers
   Loved one is not perfect. Like you. Criticism of behavior may be constructive and not passing to the individual. To set boundaries and voice expectations is very sensible, as we said earlier. It’s important to say “It’s not allowed here”, “It’s so unpleasant for me. But we are changing, family life often turns into disappointment like "where is that beautiful young girl that I was so in love with when I got married." Love is to stay with each other and accept each other, to be the closest and closest in spite of aging, changing attitudes and difficulties. Sometimes it’s worth squinting at each other’s shortcomings and oversights.

2. Children are future adults
   For adults, childhood problems may seem frivolous and simple. Moreover, for the child they have a universal scale. He, just like you in his childhood, is gradually exploring the world and gaining experience. Do not discount and provide him with your support. Respect his opinion, invite to participate in the discussion of important decisions such as planning a vacation or moving.

Love and understanding, dear readers! Appreciate each other!