Falling In Love but Scared of my Past

I started feeling hot and uncomfortable, that day was a day I never wanted to remember again, why will he ask me such a question and remind me of such annoying memories.
Yes, I loved him, I wanted to be able to tell him all about my past and present, I wanted to open up about my dreams, fears and all that has to do with me.

But, this very chapter of my life was one thing I never wanted to remember ever again. The last time he asked me, I did not give a reply and immediately he noticed my countenance, he had said if you do not want to talk about it, then it’s fine.

Today, he seemed really serious about it, he did not want to take No for an answer, he wanted to know the reason why I will avoid talking about my father totally.
He looked at me and said, please tell me what it is, I promise to understand. I smiled to myself when he made that statement because I wondered how he was going to understand that I was abused and defiled by my father when I was just six.

I had avoided relationships or love just because of that awful experience, I did not want to share it with anybody, I did not want to get intimate with any male gender again. But, when he came around he was just so different, we have been good friends all along, why does he love me now and why do I feel the same way for him, it would have just been better if he had just fallen in love with another and allow me to go through this pain and shame for the rest of my life.

I looked at him with eyes filled with tears and I told him, I stabbed him to death.
He shook back and quickly released his hands from my body, he was shocked because he had told me that he does not think I can hurt a fly as I am rather too calm and loving.

He regained strength and asked, but why will you do a thing like that to your father? I looked straight into his eyes and said with confidence because he defiled me, it started when I was six until when I became ten years old.
He constantly abused me whenever I return from school and he threatened to kill me if I ever spell it out to anyone, we called it our own little secret. Mum was too busy to notice anything happening to me, even when I try to talk to her, she refers me back to my dad.

I was watching a television program and I saw a little girl stab a man who wanted to rape her with scissors. The next time my dad came close to me, I had kept scissors in my bag so when he forced me to lie down, as usual, I brought out the scissors and I made sure it went straight into his chest, just as I had watched in the movie.

I took my school bag and ran out of the house, and luckily for me, I was found by a woman whom you know to be my Mother, I would have just told you he was late, but I do not want to enter into any relationship with lies.

He was already crying too and I expected him to just walk out of my room and totally out of my life forever, but he disappointed me by coming close to me and he wrapped his arms round over me, I felt safe in his arms and I felt relieved to have told him the truth.

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