"A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." - Dave Meurer

It was just like yesterday. I still remember the event of that day vividly. I picked up my pen and wrote down a long, tear-filled and heart-pouring epistle. My heart was bleeding but my hand was skillfully writing what I hated to write but needed to write, at least, to escape what seemed to be like a typical thorn in my flesh. I gave her the letter and broke up the relationship.

Where did I get it wrong?

I knew God led me alright and that I was at the center of His will for my life, but this union, I wouldn’t know how to continue the journey any more. One thing is to be sure God is leading you, another thing is not to be sure of what lies ahead and you think of backing out. That was my experience.

Hey, I am not the perfect guy. Maybe before you judge me, wait and hear me out!

It all started one glorious day when I visited a house to see a friend who happen to be my wife’s immediate elder sister. We met barely few weeks, same course, though different high institutions, we became friends. Our apartment is just next to their own.

One evening, I went to see my friend. I was in their living room when I looked up, behold, I saw a young, charming and the most beautiful lady I have ever seeing in my entire life, all wrapped up in a frame, a dazzling picture hung on the wall. I noticed my eyes were glued to the wall throughout the course of our discussion. “Who is this?” I curiously asked Ruth. “That’s my younger sister of course?” She said.

Obviously, she wasn’t at home that night. Ruth told me she was in school. She stays on campus. But as God would have it, few moments after that, she came back from school. This beautiful angel just walked in. It was a translation of the imaginary image in the fascinating wall frame into a sudden reality.

Something in Me Woke Up

That was how we met each other. We exchanged warmth greetings and she sat down with us at the living room chatting. As my usual practice, I asked her about her Christian life experiences, her studies and we got talking. Though that night, I had no idea that she would eventually be my wife, but I knew there was a gripping connect that I couldn’t explain. Immediately I saw the frame, something in me woke up!

The Lord knew the best way He connects people together before marriage. He knows where and how you would meet your husband or wife. It mustn’t be that all Christian couples must meet in the church. You could see your spouse outside the four wall of the church, what matter most is if he/she is a child of God and you love each other.
I didn’t know she would be my wife. I couldn’t even think of the possibility that same day. Maybe because I had someone else in mind that I thought could be my Mrs. Right. Eventually, it didn’t work out between us as I planned, so, I forgot about her. All these happened around the time I just met my wife.

When my heart was clear, God began to speak to me about her. Until I forgot about the other lady I held in my heart for years, God didn’t speak to me about my wife.

Wait, don’t be scared yet.

Complicated stuff! I know.

A lady once told me she was led to marry a guy and that she was sure he is the will of God for her. And this is a brother who has not proposed to her yet. Though they have been close friends for years, possibly having feelings for each other. About feelings, it is natural for two opposite sex who have been friends for some time, with common interest, to develop feelings for each other, but that doesn’t really mean that they are in love together. Sexual affinity, body chemistry, is different from love. Love is more than beautiful feelings. I told her to pray very well and settle it promptly with herself first, because as long as her heart is fixed on someone else, that may prevent others from coming, or ultimately, blocks her heart from giving a slim chance to any other man. Do you now see why it seems complicated?

That looks like my experience.

Once I put the case of the other lady behind me, God started to speak to me about her.

When it comes to the issue of choosing the will of God in marriage, God’s direction is very key. It is not what your parents say that really matter if that contradicts the ultimate will of God for your life. Riding on people’s recommendations is not the best way to fly, he might be a good guy truly, but not good enough for you. She may be pretty and humble, but not a perfect match for you.

How does God speak? God won’t speak to you in a foreign language you can’t understand. He will not speak to you in a strange way; He will speak to you the same way He has been speaking to you before. If you are one of His sheep, it won’t be difficult for you to hear God speaking. But to hear Him clearly, you need to begin to practice hearing God now. Relate with Him more intimately, spend more time in His presence, give time to study His word and practice His presence daily; you will get used to God speaking to you.

Back to my story. We later became good friends, I mean best of friends first. Nothing attached. It all started out that way. I discovered I began to be fond of her, I like her as a person. I had a deep conviction within me that she is my wife. After that, God spoke to me specifically that she is my wife.

Do it Yourself

I woke up one morning, I heard the voice of the Spirit of God telling me about her that: “I am showing her mercy, I am giving her for you to marry.” Coincidentally, that same morning, the Lord led her to read a scripture, the book of Isaiah 54:7 which says: “For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion and mercy I will gather you [to Me] again.”
“What could this mean?” She had pondered within her heart for a while. She read the scripture but couldn’t understand the meaning. Why will God tell her such a thing at this time? The same morning I got a message about God’s mercy over her life in relation to our union as husband and wife, she got a version of the message.

From my end, I was still trying to grasp the full meaning of the message I received that morning, I wanted to be sure I heard Him clearly. Later that morning, she came over to my place to share the scripture with me to see if I will be able to shed more light on it. Immediately, I quickly connected the two messages together. That gave me the confirmation I needed. After that, I still took my time to wait upon the Lord until I was very sure of my initial conviction.

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Do not rush into quick decision. Take your time to pray and confirm. It is not a time to contract prayer out as if you don’t have access to God. God does not have grandchildren, we are all children of God as long as we are saved by His grace. Approach God for yourself, obtain His favor for your life and marriage. Though you could have a prayer partner, and ask your spiritual leader to pray along with you; but that shouldn’t replace your own standing before God – it is your life, your relationship and your marriage. Do it yourself.

Personally approach God, whatever anybody sees or says can only come later as confirmation. As a young lady once inquired: “When ministration was going on, the invited guest that was ministering called me out and was telling me about this guy that I should go and look for him, that he is my husband.” No man of God should choose for you, they can only guide you, whatever a man of God says should be a confirmation of what you have received about the person aforetime. If I ask you: “are you sure he/she is your husband/wife?” Your answer can only be “the man of God told me that he/she is my husband/wife.” That is not right. You need personal conviction. You can't marry someone based on a third party recommendation or vision.

You need to pray to God, relax and wait for God to respond. It is very crucial to know how to hear from God. As believers, we are not among the people that can't hear from God. When it comes to marriage issue, our conviction must be based on His leading. He must say yes; if not, the journey looks blunt in the future.

You can also have people praying along with you. Whatever God tells or shows anyone should confirm what you have received from Him first. Don't do a guess work. Don’t gamble. There is no human almighty formula that can solve the equation, you only need God Almighty to lead you alright. You must be sure God is leading you or not. You must also be certain the person loves you and you love him/her as well and can live the rest of your life with him/her.

Don't be too emotional about choosing a life partner. Pray first and be sure that God is involved before taking any step. Your conviction to say yes must be based on God's clear leading, not because a pastor suggests it or that the guy himself proposes. You must be sure God is saying yes before say yes.

To be continued...

Thanks for reading!