How to Appreciate a Relationship Before It's Gone

We all take things for granted sometimes. Especially when it's such an essential staple of our life that we couldn't imagine life without it. But sometimes it's that unwillingness to imagine things as different than how they are, that prevents us from fully appreciating the magnitude of what's before us.

This post is designed to help you understand why we sometimes take the best things in our life for granted. And how to change that tendency before we inadvertently unravel the very foundation we've built our life upon.

An Open Letter to My Future Wife

Do you remember The Dark Knight? The Batman movie where Heath Ledger won an Oscar for his no-holds-barred portrayal of the Joker? It was one of most hyped, best reviewed movies ever to hit the silver screen; shooting up to #1 on the IMDb top 250 movies of all time within weeks of its release.

I got so swept up in the hype that by the time I went to see it I was ready for the theatrical experience of a lifetime. But sitting there watching it, I found myself asking again and again, “What is all the hype about?” Yes, Heath was awesome and the movie was fun, but how the fuck was this better than Shawshank and The Godfather?

Then I saw the movie again a few years later and I thought it was a fucking masterpiece. I mean, Jesus Christ, it's really goddamn good. It was at that point I realized that the astronomical hype, coupled with my natural tendency to romanticize things, created an impossible standard for it to live up to in theaters. Instead of enjoying the movie for what it was, I lamented about what it wasn't.

I guess what I'm getting at is that my mind sometimes gets caught up in its own stupid subplots that can occasionally blind my ability appreciate the amazingness of what's in front of me. I don't want that to ever happen with you, so if it ever feels like I'm not appreciating you for anything longer than a stupid fight, please print this out and staple it to my forehead.

Why Guys Tend to Take the Women They Love for Granted

Imagine you’re a typical guy, trying to find the woman you want to marry. Lots of failed pickup lines, lots of shitty first dates, lots of effort put into trying to become the version of yourself that will finally land you the woman of your dreams. And then one day you get lucky. You’re not exactly sure what you did right, but somehow it worked out this time. She finds you attractive, laughs at your jokes, and your personalities click like two Sub-Saharan Africans speaking in one of those clicking dialects, as if they were born to speak no other tongue.

You’re infatuated with her. You give her everything you’ve got because you know another opportunity like this might never come. And despite your heavy-handed efforts and occasional tripping over yourself, it works. You get the girl. You feel like she’s yours, and you’re hers, and that this is the relationship lifetimes are defined by.

But as the years roll by, something happens. You become complacent. All those years of effort and striving to be your best self so you could land the woman of dreams have culminated into the relationship you now take for granted. You’ve already won the war. Shouldn’t you enjoy the spoils?

That is the great trap of how most of us see things. We focus on achieving the end goal forgetting that the chase is what makes us feel most alive. And so once we’ve landed something worthwhile, and there’s nothing more to chase, we lose that edge. We stop being what got us here and start being a version of us that forgot what it was like to be hungry. And it’s not until our relationship has blown up, and we’re picking up the pieces, that we realize what we’ve lost.

How to Appreciate What You Have Before It’s Gone

It’s so easy to take the familiar for granted. And maybe that’s because the grass is always greener on the other side, and infinite possibility will always outweigh the finite reality that stands before you. I’m not here to caution you to not fall into the trap of ingratitude. I just want to remind you of all you could be experiencing.

The following questions may sound a little grim, but if you don’t recognize the fact that all good things come to an end, you will never appreciate the goodness while it’s here.

What if this person died tomorrow? What would you miss about them?

For me it would be the person she calls me to be. I don’t even need to try to be my best self around her, it just naturally comes out.

What if this person never existed? How would you be different?

If you’re in a bitter relationship, you might think you’d be better off. But if you’re in anything close to a good relationship, you will look back at who you were before you met and think how happy you are to be who you’ve become.

Love changes us. Always for the better. And the more you let yourself love. The better you become.

What if I never existed? How would my significant other be different?

If you never came along, how would the person you’re with be different? How has he or she changed since getting to know you? For some of you, you will look back and see how much your partner has blossomed since your time together. For others, you will see that maybe the impact you’ve had is less than desirable... but it’s never too late to become the partner you want to be.

How would my relationship look if I became the best version of myself?

It’s easy to notice what your partner is not doing, and think how much better things would be if only they were. But the truth is that you only have power over what you’re doing. And even if you are struggling through less than optimal conditions, you can still choose to be the best version of yourself.

How would your relationship look if you became the best version of yourself? If you loved as if they were the only person in the world, and devoted 100% of your heart to drawing the best out of each other?

Conclusion

I know not all of us are in relationships. But most of us will be someday. And it never hurts to explore the kind of person we’re going to be once the glow of a new relationship wears off, and we realize we’re just the same person we were before we found a relationship, but with an opportunity to become more.

It is my sincere hope that you become the more that you're looking for and do your best to draw it out in whoever you're with. Life is too short to fight against the people we love. It's time to fight for the love we want in our lives. Even if that means changing for the better, or letting go of the comfort that keeps us complacent.

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Thanks for reading!

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