An Open Letter to: The One Who Got Away

(Google)

It's a time-honoured tradition to pour your heart out for someone you care about. The best poets, artists, musicians, film makers, and writers have been doing so since time immemorial. From Beethoven's Fur Elise, to the sonnets Shakespeare concocted, to the heart wrenching honesty of Casablanca. So I suppose, this is another kick at the can for my own struggle.

More than anything else, I'd like to tell you how I feel. And being the kind of guy who reads a lot of screenplays, and watches a lot of movies, one admission of these mushy feelings stands out. 

Some 25 years after they got back together for the second time, Karen Allen and Harrison Ford find themselves tangled back together. They now have a son, and she is divorced. They fight, they spit, they tear at each other, all while dodging the bad guys of the picture.

Allen has been tied up. Ford has escaped his own bonds and is cutting her free. She says "I wasn't the only one to go on with my life. There must have been plenty of women for you over the years."

"Yeah," He says to her. "There were a few. But they all had the same problem."

"Yeah? What's that?"

There's the faintest tremor over Ford's face, this kind of bald-faced honesty that he's been meaning to say for years. 

"... they weren't you, honey."

And yeah, now there are three years and a 2 hour drive between us. When it was clear that it wouldn't work, I quietly let myself out of your life. No final argument, no fighting, no dramatic sweep. We just drifted apart. It happens. 

Which makes me wonder why I've been thinking of you again. I'm sure there's all kinds of guys out there who have their eye on you. I'm sure they're all thinner, more visually appealing, moneyed, better adjusted than I. I've been damaged goods for nearly 20 years, and who really wants a hand-me-down?

Well, it's that same desperation in the rest of my life that's had me thinking of you again. The way my back is firmly against the wall, what else do I have to lose by coming clean with you?

Darling, simply put, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And I don't just mean how you look either. You're everything a guy like me could ever hope for: intelligent, charming, well-spoken, ambitious, confident, and above all else, kind.

I didn't want you for one night, to throw all of it away on a bout of errant carnality. I wanted you for a thousand and one nights, and that's just for starters. I wanted to be the guy who applauded the loudest when you succeeded and caught you when you stumbled. I wanted to be the one who brought you breakfast in bed, and surprised you with coffee every now and then. I didn't just want to get with you; I wanted you. All of you, the bad with the good and everything in between.

Honestly, I'm kind of hoping there's some truth to that old saying of "He who dares, wins". That's why I've been chasing my own dreams. But doing it solo is much like a tree falling in the forest; if there's no one around to hear it, it doesn't make much of a sound.

So this is what's been on my mind.

- Eli.

(This is what I was listening to while diving these thoughts into the written word)