Dear Diary: My Main Hope Is To Live In Heaven With God

It is time again for another session of blood-cleaning and I might have to take some food a few hours before being hooked up which might be a factor to help me stabilize my blood pressure while being dialyzed because it just crashes at times even though I had eaten a lot while hooked up.

I often do not really eat prior to my dialysis because it makes me get hungry as the dialysis machine had significantly washed away some of the toxins plus sugars and protein compounds in my blood. It brings back my appetite and since i am hungry the seasoned rice with some fried meat tastes so delightful even though it is not really that delicious but I loved it nonetheless only at dialysis times.

After dialysis things get to abnormality, I could not enjoy foods anymore so I just would eat twice a day with the later meal like a force-feeding chore for me.

So I would also take some pineapple juice to help myself get supplemented with extra calories plus whatever nutrients that he pineapple juice has. Thankfully I wasn't able to stop my heart because of my potassium intake because of the fruit juice but I could not drink much softdrink because of its chemical additives. So I just chose the lesser evil of a fruit juice.

It is so weird of a life that I have I could not even think about it, full of complications that I think a normal person cannot handle and would choose to jump off a bridge than to be in those condition and situation.

I am so crazy in wanting to continue my life but I really value life because we only have one life and we can never go back, we just have to deal with the current situation and deal with it and suck it up if it all goes bad. I am just toughening up myself and thanks to the people who cared that I a at least surviving.

I am now on my quest in winning this illnesses that plagued me even when I was still a baby crying nonstop until my neighbor noticed and told my mother to send me to the hospital to get checked up. Maybe in those days I was already suffering from insomnia already.

But that was the past and I hope that my future wouldn't be so dreadful but if I would die I just want to die in my sleep to wake up again emerging from my grave like some of the the Christians after the physical body of the Lord Jesus died on the cross to get up and meet him up in the air with other people to rule in 1,000 years in this world and after that going with God in heaven. That will be the finest life ever and none of these things I will ever think about anymore.