The trap

One of the traps in love I found is trying to find a relationship that would be the source of my happiness. It took a while to get it as I came to respect the pitfalls of projecting my needs or my feelings onto a relationship, even if that happens from time to time and there is always time to clear it up. I learned that just as people grow and change so it is with love.

And, I learned that alone does not mean lonely…in the process I internalised the meaning of self-respect. I began to understand the meaning of the underlying "all-oneness" in my aloneness and accept it as the fundamental truth to my existence.

One might, you know, check in how you have experienced your path of love and how would it feel if you choose to reflect on your insights of late.

My truth has been: the more I want to hold on to it the less it is likely to last. Love only can blossom if there is freedom to grow in the way it naturally wants to unfold because the relationship I am having with myself will always be reflected in the relationship I am having with others.

After all, "You" are, in me, all there is of you, and no wonder that I would love what is you in me. Do you understand? It took me a while to get it when you come to think of it. To think of you is to see you in my mind's eye, and in that purely imagined, you are born in me, and to see you is to love you, and that is mine: that you are mine. If you can't love within yourself, you can't love anything; you aren't aware that you really do love all and are even closer than that if you are open to it.

And yes, I learned that I would not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable or important because of the woman on my arm or the child that bears my name. I learned to look at relationships as they are, relating and not as I would have them to be in my phantasy. The phantasy to be in control is like the effort trying to control people, situations and outcomes…. it is ultimately futile and taking emotional hostages as a way to gain the love I may crave for is an utter waste of time.

And I learned that I don't have the right to demand love on my terms just to make me happy. I came to understand that the other does not really exist other than in my perception. This perception and projection is always is coming from me. It is me, myself and I…. and that what I am looking for is a part of me because I am that what I seek.

I also stopped working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I learned that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and that it is my right to want things and to ask for the things that I want . . .and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands and at the same time remember that no one is here to live up to my expectations...and vice versa.

Walking the path of love I came to the realisation that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and I won't settle for less. And I allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes me to soften me with their touch.

Perhaps you are able to discover how true this is for you and already know many ways to open to love right now. Of course, on a deep level, you probably already know how powerful this change really can be.

To be continued...