A Christmas "miracle"

I'm going to be alone today.
My plans have all fallen into ruin.
The secondary plans I made have fallen apart.
Three things I had planned to do today and they all failed.
I just didn't want to be alone, but that's what is going to happen.
I might just go ride my bike, or take a walk around I'm not sure. I just know I hate this feeling.
Yet despite all my efforts to the contrary, I still feel as though I've somehow done this to myself.
I know that's not the case, but that's how it feels.

To the girl who chose her abusive ex over me, I'm sorry that you've put yourself back into this hell, but I can't be here for you anymore if this is how you're going to keep playing this game.
I just wanted you to give this a chance, but it seems you're just as afraid as me.

To the friend who asked me if I had plans, agreed to hang out with me and later told me she had made plans with someone else.
I hope you have a good time with the friend you chose over me. I want to be mad, but I can't. I think I'd rather hang out with someone other than me too.

To the friend who I had asked for a favor who put me off until it was too late, I wish you had known what this meant to me. I just didn't want to have to deal with this feeling and I guess it was my mistake not telling you how much it meant to me.

All I wanted was to not spend Christmas alone. Or at least to not feel alone.