Are man beards actually sexy, or are they just a pissing contest?

@LITTLESCRIBE SAYS:

Well…men, I do believe they are both.

But before we go into why, I’d like to define what a “man beard” actually is. There are several ways a man can go about growing facial hair, from sporting a basic goatee to wielding a fully formed beast. And everything in between.

What distinguishes a “man beard” from all the other beards is the sheer girth thereof.

For instance:

THIS...

VS. THIS...

If you guessed the second photo is the man beard, well then, you would be correct.

Why some women find the man beard super sexy:

• It gives a man a more “mature and rugged look” according to royalbeardclub.com
• It distinguishes the men from the boys.
• More importantly, though, it distinguishes the men….from the WOMEN. And this is a huge piece. I’ll get to that later.
• It shows the delicate balance between nature (growing a wild beard with the force of testosterone alone) and nurture (grooming said wild beard with love and affection surpassed only by that of making love)
• It demonstrates an element of patience (assuming it’s not totally unkempt) and shows a level of care that a man can put into something that is important to him
• It can simply be stylish the way it frames the face, and can actually hide features that might otherwise be less attractive without the beard
• It gives a pensive look to someone who ordinarily might appear rather boring
• It says, “I’m daring—I’m against the grain” (even if the beard is a trend, it still isn’t the norm)
• It adds a level of primal masculinity not easily achieved otherwise

Many different messages can be conveyed by a beard, so if you’re on the fence about it, give it a try! Be sure to read up on proper care and grooming of a beard. There are tricks, you know. Not the least of which is regular shampooing.

Why the man beard is a pissing contest

Beards come primarily from a little thing called testosterone. The two are indelibly linked. A healthy beard is actually a sign of high levels of testosterone. So it unconsciously sends a message to possible “mates” (or contenders) that he who can produce serious shrubbery is also likely in possession of high sperm count as well, as the two are both generated by the same hormone. So essentially, your beard is a reflection of your sperm count. Very literally. Grossed out? Don’t be! At some point, perhaps your beard will catch you a woman who will put your sperm to work!

As a side note, male pattern baldness is also a sign of increased levels of testosterone. So if logic follows, baldness should get the girls too, right?

THE REAL REASON BEHIND THE MAN BEARD

We’ve established that the man beard can be quite sexy, for multiple reasons. But it turns out the man beard is also part of a movement, if you will. It is a powerful testament to manhood that has nothing to do with attracting the opposite sex, but sending a message to it—especially during this neo-feminist movement that has done so much to emasculate and tear men down in such a short period of time.

The message of the beard is: “Leave me alone. Let me be a man. Nothing is wrong with being a man. I am not trying to oppress you. Just let me do my thing. I let you do yours. I like the way I am. There are a lot of really great things about my gender. If this statement bothers you, don’t worry because my man beard doesn’t like you either.”

So. What it gets down to is: man beard = man. And let’s just leave it at that. Because what else is there to say?

As a side bar, you don’t have to have a beard to be a man or be sexy. Seriously, guys. There are plenty of ways to go about accomplishing this goal. This is just one thing some men like to do, and some women seem to appreciate it. So be sure to read “The Geek’s Guide to Sex Appeal” to get some other ideas on how to beef up your resume, so-to-speak.

The fact is, some women don’t like facial hair. We like smooth skin too, for lots of reasons a bearded man simply cannot understand.

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@SUPERGOODLIVING SAYS:

Now it’s time for some straight talk!

Good job explaining that, @littlescribe! It’s true that man beards are for manly men. And only manly men can grow them. Basic science right there. A bushy beard makes a better man. It drives the ladies wild. I don’t think anyone can dispute that. So let’s look at this from a slightly different angle.

Beards might be a pissing contest, but some guys are getting it all wrong. There are some not-so-manly men trying to get away with faux beards and beard sculpting. Man beards do not require primping! They just are what they are. Know the difference!

Let’s look at an example of a man beard.

Do you see how the beard just flows? This guy doesn’t care. He isn’t worried about any beard hairs being out of place. He didn’t grow this beard as a fashion statement like a good little reader of "Glamour" magazine. He’s not trying to compete with his buddies or grow a beard that matches his loafers or his man purse. He’s no Johnny Depp. And he doesn’t want to be!

He’s just a "man." A man with a beard. A "real" beard. You can’t tell him what to do. You can’t tell him how to dress. You can’t tell him where he needs to be. He just "is." This is the epitome of man. Soak it in, gentlemen.

Now take a good look at this guy.

This is the male equivalent of makeup. This is a guy trying to make himself pretty. But he’s failing. He goes to the gym 17 times a week. He buys shirts from the toddlers department at the store. He uses his "Venus" razor to trim his stubble. Then he wonders why the girls at the night club don’t want to go home with him.

This guy would have been better off shaving his face clean and drawing in the fake beard with an eyebrow pencil. At the end of the night, he could at least wash it off and sleep in his bed without setting his pillow on fire. And in the off chance that he was able to bring a nice lady home with him, she wouldn’t have to worry about him burning the carpet. Do you know what I am saying?

Take notes here, fellas.

If you’re going to grow a beard, then grow one. Don’t half-ass it. Don’t sculpt it. Don’t treat it like another one of your female accessories, like your wristwatch, your pretty little necklace, or your sparkly earrings. If you don’t want a real man beard, then just shave your face. Stop adorning yourself with jewelry and pencil ‘staches and goatees. You’re embarrassing yourselves and the rest of manly-kind.

If you’re looking for a pissing contest, then go behind the garage with your friends and see who can spray it the farthest. Just like when you were a child. Leave beard growing to the people who are man enough to not care about what’s in their pants. That’s what being a man is all about.

**All images attribution-free from Pixabay.com**

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