The Alpha male. That guy who walks into a room even without uttering a word and commands attention. Could be the wafting smell of his distinct cologne, his enchanting smile, the way he walks – those wide strides that shows he has big kahunas. The confidence in his posture, even when he sits down, his legs are at least 10 inches apart…you know to give those kahunas space to breath…hehehe He is able to say so much without saying anything. All the girls like him and all the boys want to be him. He isn’t necessarily the best looking chap, his teeth could be less crooked, he could be an inch or two taller, but he is able to mask all this by his brutish sense of humor and charisma that draws everyone to him.
You find yourself laughing at his jokes, most of which are sexist and inappropriate. Even though you deem yourself a feminist, you can’t help but crack up to that joke that down right disrespects women. Especially when he goes ahead and does a small demo of his nasty joke. Then while you’re laughing your ass off, someone taps you on your shoulder. It’s your date. You forgot about him. He has been sitting by the corner this whole time, by himself. Not much of a talker. And so you reluctantly join him and excuse yourself from the ‘happening’ crowd.
After a while the crowd decides to go to the local pub for drinks and get something to eat. And so here you are in the corner of the table with your date. Just smiling at each other since there’s nothing much to talk about. Mean while, from the corner of your eye you can see the alpha male making those funny faces and wish you could hear what craziness he’s now talking about. But you can’t since you’re actually with someone. And have to stick it out.
You ask your date if he wants to join the rest and he shakes his head, ‘nope!’.Wise guy. He knows he would be lost in conversation. And he’s right. The moment you join the happening crowd with the alpha male as the ring leader, you forget that you’re with someone. But it happens. When your date is as boring as watching paint dry. ‘Can this torture end already?’…..you mutter under your breath.
But you can’t just up and leave. That’s just rude and your parents taught you better. So you sit and nod, smile and pretend to be listening to your date’s boring stories. Smile and wave, like those penguins from Madagascar. You keep zoning in and out of conversation and make sure to only listen to the last bit and repeat it so that he thinks you’re listening. But you’re not. You’re busy day dreaming. Of that half eaten sandwich you left, whether you remembered to switch off the iron box or feed the cat, oh! You don’t even have a cat. And then you zone back in…..and he’s still talking and you keep nodding, zoning in and out, the cycle continues.
Then you hear another roar of laughter, it’s the alpha male. Still cracking them jokes. All you can do is imagine what he’s saying and you crack a smile. Your date thinks he said something funny and lets out a smile as well tapping your shoulder. This encourages him to keep going with his endless tales from Timbuktu. You also smile at him. Those half smiles that end abruptly and leave you with an awkward crack of a smile. And hope that he wasn’t talking about something sad and you are smiling. But as usual you catch the last word of his conversation, nope just another long winded story about his brother and his stressful wife, the brother’s, not his. Please note you don’t even know his brother nor do you care to, so why would anyone think that you would find a strangers domestic issues remotely interesting. Why?! Is it because you’re a woman and apparently we love gossiping?
Back to the alpha. These males can be found everywhere from social media pages, you know, the ones who get more than 100 likes and hundreds of comments for just having a full stop as a status update. The ones on a WhatsApp group who are always cracking everyone up, obviously with those jokes that disrespect women, but you can’t help but smile even though you are still a feminist. You make sure to throw in a bit of education on how offensive some statements are. But with a smile, so as not to be called a man hater. But at times these jokes go too far.
But truth be told, I’m a sucker for an alpha male….and so are a lot of other women out there. I don’t know if it’s the thrill of knowing that you’re the only one who can tame him or the fact that he chooses to be tame around you, either way it’s so damn sexy and powerful! But with power comes control!